Probationary period - failing to meet job

pineapple123

I also feel for MOV, this is a difficult situation.
On reading the other posts you have worked hard to get the job you love and have some degree of ambition, drive and intelligence since you had to undertake uni to get it.
You must feel a real sense of fustration in that you OH stuggles with his work and now it threatens what you had planned regarding work and looking after a baby.
You need have a real long talk, does he want to do these jobs hes going for, or does he feel he has to because he should also have a good job like you.
Some men find it difficult to accept that a woman can achieve more than them and maybe hes picking the wrong job because of this.
Do you expect more of him because you worked so hard to get what you wanted and feel he should be as equally motivated.

You have to accept that he may never be as clever,motivated,driven as you. there is nothing wrong with that he may have other good qualities, be loving trustworthy, hardworking etc etc.
You and he may have to compromise and aim for him finding a job in a less demanding role with lower pay.
You are very lucky in finding a job you love, have a lovely baby and a husband who is willing to work (even when he loses work he gets another job) also a home of your own.
I know its a difficult time but think that the glass is half full and not half empty. good luck.

DVardysShadow

Rockporkchop wrote: »

Can't people try to see things from the OP's point of view? She has had a baby and is going back to work part time. Her DH's part of the deal was to try his best to keep his admin job, which is hardly rocket science, and the OP must be extremely frustrated as she could probably do the job with her eyes shut. She has clearly said that this is not the first time he has had problems at work, and he has made false promises before when she supported him through several failures.

Did try that, but any feeling that this is straightforward and that the problem was external to the OP evaporated from post #5 onwards.

Clearly, the OP is part of the problem and clearly, she does not see it that way. So equally clearly, if you try and see it from the OP's point of view, you will have to ignore part of the problem.

taxi97w

Rockporkchop wrote: »

After you have children with your DH, the character traits that might once have seemed endearing do tend to start to grate, especially when the family's livelihood is at stake. The OP thought they had everything sorted out, her working part time and him full time and now that is under threat through no fault of her own, so I do feel for her.

I hope she leaves him actually, or him her. She doesn't love him, as love is :rotfl:unconditional. Conditional love is an oxymoron, and isn't love.

She wants him to be this, that and the other, meaning she doesn't love him the way he is, unconditionally- using him more like.
Good luck to him I say.

And you know OP, if this post makes you laugh, then that's a natural defense mechanism against fear; and you're not having a jolly old time I'm sure.

Rockporkchop

taxi97w wrote: »

I hope she leaves him actually, or him her. She doesn't love him, as love is :rotfl:unconditional. Conditional love is an oxymoron, and isn't love.

Love for your children is unconditional of course but love for your DH is conditional on them acting like a responsible husband and parent and not a clueless child!

I'm sure she does love him but loving someone doesn't mean that you are blind to their shortcomings or not allowed to be upset about their failures.

viktory

Mov wrote: »

jdturk - Oh do shut up you idiot. I am not vaguely interested in anything you have to say so GO AWAY and annoy someone else

I feel really sorry for your husband and think he would be so much better off without you - and your support (roll eyes smiley)

taxi97w

Rockporkchop wrote: »

I'm sure she does love him but loving someone doesn't mean that you are blind to their shortcomings or not allowed to be upset about their failures.

It doesn't mean you have to be blind to their shortcomings, just accepting of them, which she isn't; as she wants them changed.

Errata

taxi97w wrote: »

It doesn't mean you have to be blind to their shortcomings, just accepting of them, which she isn't; as she wants them changed.

That's fair enough, but it appears he's been in and out of jobs for years - plenty of time for them to sort things out and probably best done before any decision to have a baby.

seven-day-weekend

Actually my husband was 'in and out of jobs for years' when we were younger. He was not sacked from any of them (although one he had to leave on medical grounds) and he did all of them well, but he just could not find his 'niche'. He was never actually unemployed, but in the ten years we'd been married, he'd had as many jobs, at least, may have been more.

Then after he had gone into teaching in his early thirties, he stayed in it for over twenty years, until he took early retirement on health grounds.

Maybe the OP's husband just has not found the right job yet. I agree though he should try to keep the one he's got until he finds out what he wants to do.

CBR

Sorry to hear of the sticky situation you are in. I find myself in a similar situation and have been dismissed from every employed position (apart from one) at the end of the trial period. Previously I was self employed for many years and my business ventures were always successful with good profits.

Your OH has at least been given the opprotunity to improve, although a month may be ambitious as the pressure is really on for both of you.

His confidence levels must be at an all time low and this makes the situation even worse.

Cannot give you any constructive advise as I myself dont really know where I go wrong. Perhaps its the admin side of things, office life now is extremely ruthless and seems to be dominated by youngsters who go to no lenghts to walk all over others and seek favour with the bosses. They tend to take great pleasure in highlighting other peoples weaknesses.

Judging by your post, he is a young man himself, so perhaps in the future he would be better off applying for positions away from ruthless youngsters and find work with a more mature employer or smaller organisation where the organisation likes a good all rounder who can turn their hand to anything.

Not much help I am afraid, but just step back and advise him to be frank and honest to himself, where he is going wrong, perhaps it is him!!

I now work on a production line packing, away from accountancy and am as happy as larry. Work with both mature and young people and get on find because of the lack of competion from the youngsters, who only think of themselves.

Good luck