Probationary period - failing to meet job

hermum

If your husband has always been doing the same type of jobs & failing then he needs to find something else to do. Seems he's a square peg in a round hole. Is his performance supposed to be 100% in order to get kept on, or does he just have to show improvement? Unless his boss can teach him to not make his colleagues nervous when he's on the phone, that isn't going to change. Is he uncomfortable around other people, if it is that he's nervous maybe he could ask to go on an assertiveness course. Most people can only stand being knocked down a certain amount before they stop trying to get back up, has your OH now got into defeatist mode, if this is the case then he will need help to start afresh again. If he loses this job, maybe he could try voluntary work, have a go at different things, try them on for size as it could be that the job he would be best suited to isn't a job he would normally apply for. Things may be tight financially for a while but if it means that long term he'll be able to get & keep a job that he's good at it may be worth the short term pain.

seven-day-weekend

Well it doesn't look as if the OP is going to tell us precisely what problems her OP is having so therefore she can't expect to get very detailed replies.

However, it sounds to me (with what little there is to go on) as if he's in the wrong job and should be trying another line of work.

My son failed a six month trial when he was about twenty, in admin work. He realised that it was not for him and went into retail, where he is much happier, enjoys the work and does it well.

Maybe the OP's husband might try a change?

I hope the poor guy ends up in something he enjoys, it must be soul-destroying to have your efforts criticised all the time.

DVardysShadow

Mov wrote: »

Wow - sweeping judgement much???
Anyone with constructive/useful advice - who doesn't feel the need to make quick assessments based on a couple of posts?
Thank you.

Mov wrote: »

nope not a troll, just someone who was genuinely seeking advice, but instead got a pointless character assassination.
Wasn't going to bother coming on forum again, but guess I couldn't resist to see what other rubbish was being said!
Thanks Epatolles, glad someone has commonsense!
I don't know why some people keep coming back and posting over and over again! I already said I wasn't vaguely interested in what they have to say. Go and find something better to do with your time than spending hours on a forum where people like me don't give a damn what you say anyhow. Shouldn't you be out earning some money and being breadwinners ;-)
Signing off yet again. Will try not to take a sneaky peek later to see what rubbish is said next (anger management/aspergers/autism/troll/selfish/bad mother etc). But repeat posters , please note, you are making me laugh.So in your own queer way, you have really cheered me up! So thanks.
bye

There is no one who can do anything other than make a quick judgement based on a couple of posts. Even the people whose opinions you like are making judgements on the same couple of posts.

If I didn't think it at the outset, you have convinced me that you are a substantial part of the problem. You are not looking for help and advice, you are looking to bolster your own position, because you actually lack confidence in yourself primarily.

Some posters have pointed out that you may be destroying your OH's self confidence. I would agree. I would go further. I would say you are angry at yourself for ever becoming involved with him and you are taking it out on him. And taking it out on anyone here who is straight with you and getting close to putting their finger on what your problem is.

The future is now bleak. You are estranging your OH, you are going to render the baby effectively fatherless. You are going to btch on that he doesn't see the child and you are going to give him hell if he does. You are going to be miserable bringing up the child, you are going to make sure he experiences the full measure of your misery and you are going to bring up a child who knows it was conceived in error and who feels guilt and responsibility for your misery and probably will end up slitting their own wrists before the age of 25.

Don't go down that road. Well, OK, you will, just to defy us and show that you are not going to be governed by a few posters who make judgements based on a few paragraphs.

But it doesn't have to be that way. You can change. I hope you do.

wontfallforit

Mov wrote: »

blah blah blah.
Shall I get him to call you?

You're unlikely to get any constructive comments if you make posts like this...and when you don't agree with someone, calling them an "idiot", etc., isn't going to help.

From the (extremely limited) judgement one can form based on a few forum posts, you seem like a) a nasty piece of work, b) arrogant, c) ignorant, and d) quite immature.

Understood that you're at the end of your tether - I would be too - but people on MSE are generally quite helpful. It works both ways, though.

And if you don't want to read posts that don't subscribe to your own viewpoint, then don't air your dirty laundry on an internet forum with readership numbers in the millions.

Best of luck to yourself and your OH.

Sunshine12

Have read whole thread trying to remain open minded. You seem very angry and whilst I understand that it must be difficult for you, particularly as you have a baby, it cant be easy on him either. If my partner was in a similar situation (as difficult and frustrating as it may be), I would be doing my utmost to make him feel like he isnt "failing" but that perhaps its not the right job for him and help him look at other avenues that may be more suited to him and try to boost his confidence rather than belittle everything he has done and is doing. You must have known before you chose to have a child with him that he has moved jobs regularly in the past so its not fair to shove that back in his face now. Based on your posts I dont think this job problem is the main issue in any case. I would suggest, as others have, that this is much more deep rooted and this is just a reason for you to vent your frustrations rather than coming out and telling him how you really feel about him and about your relationship. If you are outwardly angry with him and only ever tell him how useless he is then the situation is only going to get worse and his confidence will get even lower than it already is. You are coming across as being very self absorbed and a bit selfish and have been extremely aggressive and ugly in your responses to some other posters with a differing opinion. I am only replying based on information from a few posts however as someone else quite rightly pointed out, thats all anyone can do whether the response is positive or negative. You seem to only want to take cognises of the posts that are agreeing with you and if that is the case then a public forum is perhaps not the right place for you to discuss particularly if all you can do is attack anyone that has a different view than yours.

Rockporkchop

Can't people try to see things from the OP's point of view? She has had a baby and is going back to work part time. Her DH's part of the deal was to try his best to keep his admin job, which is hardly rocket science, and the OP must be extremely frustrated as she could probably do the job with her eyes shut. She has clearly said that this is not the first time he has had problems at work, and he has made false promises before when she supported him through several failures.

All of you saying that the DH should go part time and care for the baby, or start his own business - if the guy isn't motivated enough to put sufficient effort into his admin job then it's very doubtful that he would be able to run their home or start up a new business. And it's all very well saying that he should find a part time job, a new career he enjoys or something he is good at but this is a recession and it is hard enough to find work in your own field, let alone starting from scratch when you are older and have dependants.

The OP posted on an anonymous internet forum asking for help and advice and she probably is really at the end of her tether. Why can't people just give advice to her on her side of the problem rather than jumping down her throat and immediately taking the side of the DH. He could just be a lazy, bumbling idiot who needs a good kick up the backside for all we know.

seven-day-weekend

I don't disagree with you porkchop, but the OP has never told us exactly what the problem is, so it is difficult to offer any advice.

We need to know details of what is wrong so that perhaps we can see a bit more clearly whether it is something the OP's husband can change and improve on, or whether he is, in fact, simply a lazy so-and-so who can't be A£$ed to do his job properly.

I agree that the character assassination of the OP is uncalled for, but she is not really helping herself in this situation.

Sunshine12

Rockporkchop, I think the OP has probably received differing reponses than she would have had she come on and said something along the lines of:

"Im a bit frustrated and really worried, he has changed jobs regularly and isnt doing too well in this one. Trying to remain supportive but as I have a baby its even more difficult Blah blah blah."

What we got (in brief) was

"He is a useless piece of sh*t and if he doesnt get his act together Im leaving him"

All that does is make people think that she is most likely part of the problem which is when some of us leave the sympathy at the door.

getmore4less

Not read al the post so this option may have been covered.

Mov wrote: »

Hi
Help!!
My OH started a new job a few months ago with a 6 month probationary period. He had been told over last few months that he needed to improve, which he felt he has been improving. Clearly not enough. Anyway at his appraisal yesterday, he got a horrendous report which picked on a huge list of things he has been doing wrong. Even going as far as to point out personality flaws like fidgeting and waffling. He has been given a month to improve but we are talking about needing a huge improvement to keep his job. Also if he is unaware of his irritating behaviour I can't see how he can change that in 1 month.
I am terrified as we have a baby and I am on maternity leave, and will be going back to work part-time. Without his wages we will not be able to pay the mortgage never mind bills etc.
I guess my questions are:
when he applies for a new job, how does he explain the last 6 months? he obviously won't be able to use them as a reference.
Do they have to give him any notice or will they just tell him to leave once this month is up?
Please help. Am really upset by this, particularly as he always seems to have problems in jobs and has moved jobs every couple of years. I know he tries hard, but think he is just pretty useless at everything he does. Am seriously considering leaving him if he loses this job as I am fed up of the stress of trying to support him through yet another failure.....
thanks

Why not have him become a stay at home dad working part time and you going back full time and becoming the main earner, asumes you are pretty good at mosts thigs unlike your partner.

Rockporkchop

Maybe the OP could have phrased things differently but she does use words such as "terrified" and "really upset". That's the problem with forum posts, what sounds fine in your own head and looks OK on screen to you might really offend others. I really don't think she meant it as badly as people have taken it. She has come here for advice to help herself and her DH after all.

I have to manage someone who sounds exactly like the OP's husband, and let's face it, most of us have to work with someone like that. It's a nightmare and I often think thank goodness I'm not married to him.

After you have children with your DH, the character traits that might once have seemed endearing do tend to start to grate, especially when the family's livelihood is at stake. The OP thought they had everything sorted out, her working part time and him full time and now that is under threat through no fault of her own, so I do feel for her.