Babysitting. Are you taken forgranted?

Newly_retired

Sorry to run out on you this morning but had a day's work ahead of me. Recently had a really difficult babysitting scenario. My son booked me and DH months ago to babysit for him for a very special weekend celebration they had been invited to along with his wife's relatives who usually do the babysitting as they live nearby. I have rarely sat for this set of grandchildren but done a fair amount for my daughter, so thought I ought to oblige on this occasion. To cut a long story short, DH was not well enough to come with me and I really did not want to do this on my own for about 36 hours, so as there was somone else locally who could help out, I decided not to go. I feel bad about it as we had arranged it so long ago- otherwise it would never happen as all our weekends are busy. I wonder if they will ever ask me again as I feel I let them down. The main thing is that they were able to go for the celebration and the kids were looked after which is what matters.
My daughter asks me to help out now that her eldest has started school during the school holidays. She works Mon, Tue and Thurs and as we live 80m away it is not easy. I do try to help for some of the days even if it means altering my arrangements, but only because she does not routinely ask me. She has joined a babysitting circle and formed another one and is gradually building up contacts so she can pursue evening activities eg sports club and drama group. When I visit I may offer to babysit so she and her husband can have an evening out together as it happens so rarely, hence my comment earlier about a couple needing time together.
Sometimes I refuse as I have a lot of commitments myself. In fact it is very difficult to do an overnight without missing something myself. She understands this and is grateful. The school holidays problem is one I didn't have to cope with myself as I was a teacher.

Newly_retired

PS I adore my grandchildren and love to spend time with them. though preferably not with sole responsibility!

sagalout1954

Similar situation, 3 hr drive and toll fees - TBH we don't mind a bit. Would be different if they lived round the corner and we were always being called on, but a few times a year to go up there and a few more when they come here & also go out, well, can't say it bothers me.

Yes, my son does rather take it for granted, but then in the words of another poster "you reap what you sow"!

I don't want to be a parent or Nanna "who never babysits" or "is never asked to babysit", then find myself being written about on this forum.

elisebutt65

My parents are always asking when they can have my DS's up for the weekend or week in the holidays which is great as it means I can go off with my BF for a short break, or catch up on work.

However, I would never presume that they could just have them whenever I want to dump them off. They live about 180 miles round trip and we usually drop them off and then my parents drop them back with a nice break for tea and sometimes we all go out for a curry .

They were great when I was at Uni as I had trips abroad included as my degree so they were able to come and stay at mine and look after the boys

But 300 mile round trip for babysitting????:eek::eek::eek: That's just blooming ridiculous!!!

Luckily my eldest is now 15 and I sling him a couple of quid if I have to do a parent's evening or attend one of my students events in the evening, but otherwise I'd ask the bf, neighbour, or anyone else rather than my parents!!

tbw

My son, DIL and grandchildren live 170 miles away and it never even crossed any of our minds theat we would ever be available to babysit for evenings out! We all knew that the round trip just for a night out was a crazy idea - but what I did offer was to have the children during every school holiday for as long as my son and dIL wanted. It usually worked out at 1 week at half terms, 2 weeks at Easter and 3 weeks in the summer and that seemed to suit everyone. We also took the children away on holiday with us.

I was on my own with my son when he was little and I would have given my right arm for someone to take him off my hands for just the occasional night as I was so exhausted so I felt that I wanted to help my DIL out by doing all my babysitting in big chunks.

Obviously, in an emergency, we would have dropped everything to help out - but social nights out are NOT emergencies and your daughter needs to stop being so selfish and demanding. Unfortunately, it appears that she has got that way partly due to your longstanding attitude towards her needs (sorry - I don't mean to sound rude or judgemental). You've clearly decided that enough is enough (and I don't blame you - its surprising that you have stuck it out for so long) but its going to come as an almighty shock to her however you try to wrap it up. I don't envy you as you will probably get some unpleasant backlash and could well be in for a very upsetting few months. I don't know how old you are but maybe playing up on the age thing and how tired all the travelling is making you and your Husband might be a soft way in.

Good Luck!

Lost2

you have done your bit bringing you children up
may be they should be reminded that your grandchildren are
not yours but theres

lilac_lady

I look after 2 of my grandchildren for one day per week - a full day. I also babysit occasionally in the evening or a very occasional overnight visit if it'a a special occasion.

I feel that I have really bonded with the children by being in their life but I brought up my own childen and certainly wouldn't look after them every day as some grandparents are expected to do.

sagalout1954

It seems we are all assuming different things by the OP's "300 mile round trip"!

My assumption was that OP does what we do, drive up one morning, spend rest of the day with them and Grandsons. They go out that night while we babysit, Either all eating together first or we have a home delivered Chinese meal if they want to eat out for special occasion (we get quality time with Grandsons, spoiling them rotten without parents around to witness it). We stay overnight, next day do family stuff all together and set off for home late PM or early evening.

Blimey, I can't even imagine begrudging them that - I wish my parents/in-laws had done it for us. Maybe that's WHY I don't begrudge it..........and I WANT to see my Grandsons, 3 hour drive and toll fees - SMALL price to pay for us.

red_devil

children arent young for very long so i feel you should get in and enjoy it while you can. none of us knows how long we have to enjoy these things as well.

midnightraven3

why does so many of my generation just expect grandparents to babysit & childmind?
it perplexes me, it really does

OP your daughter obviously has reason to expect you to drive 300 miles round trip
my mother lives 10 minutes away, and i would never ever pressume, i know in an emergency she would drop everything, and thats comforting

we have 3 children, never once has she had to babysit, as a parent we take the responsibility very serious and dont expect anyone to come at out beck & call
i cant see your daughter became like this overnight though, its a huge leap if she did

perhaps as a loving grandparent you have made yourself a little "too" available
from the very best heart perhaps you have enabled this to escalate
sounds like she has a bit of growing up to do, its shameful behaviour from a grown woman & parent:(