Further financial faux pas and even more disasterous decisions

Eager_Elephant

Hi Moo

I'm sorry to hear that DH has decided to drink in the evenings. Have you had a word with him about it as previously he sounded so positive with not drinking.

Please make sure that you and the DD's are safe at all times, I would hate for any more verbal or even physical abuse to be directed at you.

((((Moo and MiniMoo's)))

EE

firesidemaid

sounds like you need to give him (and perhaps yourself too to make it fair) a 'spend' budget per month, which will include any alcohol for him - then, when it's gone it's gone.

perhaps it would make him prioritise and see what he is spending/wasting his money on?

let him know he can't do all that spending AND drink!

MrsMoo2U

firesidemaid wrote: »

sounds like you need to give him (and perhaps yourself too to make it fair) a 'spend' budget per month, which will include any alcohol for him - then, when it's gone it's gone.

perhaps it would make him prioritise and see what he is spending/wasting his money on?

let him know he can't do all that spending AND drink!

Excellent idea.

Sorry that things have slipped. It may be a blip - you did say that he is a bit stressed with work. Perhaps he needs some different coping mechanisms to be introduced to him. Not necessarily you to do that but can you rope in help from anybody (ie brother/friend) to maybe phone him for a chat at the end of the day or something. Or get him on the Wii fit before he even thinks about wine and then he may be too tired to drink. Hand him a glass of water at the end. How about suggesting alchohol free wine as an alternative. It might work after all smokers use nicotine gum etc to ween them off. It may just be the act of holding the glass and sipping that "destresses" him in his mind.

moo2moo

Meh... thank you all for injecting common sense into my life. Feel like I'm approaching a set of lifes crossroads and the way back is one way street down which I can't travel. OHs drinking is rapidly escalating. He has all the excuses in the world but thats all they are. Excuses. Yesterday was a bad day because someone moved the office furniture thus rearranging the office. Quite why he went on and on and on about it and was still going on about it at midnight is a mystery. Had a really crap nights sleep because of it. He back to telling me I don't deserve him. Am not entirely sure he expected me to agree with him when he said this.

Feel like I'm right back where I was six weeks ago despite all the changes that have occured. Seems they've simply been a temporary reprieve.

Sadly he doesn't see anything he does as being a waste of money, to him its all essential stuff. Or stuff that we can't do without and he buys it as a treat for us all. Theres so much stuff here its driving me nuts. The weights that he insisted he needed and blew £70 months back haven't been touched since the day after he bought them. Theres so much more stuff like that its untrue and nothing seems to make any difference, to him anyway... but its really !!!!ing me off!

Anyway enough of that. On to more positive things. The sun is attempting to shine, its a mere 48 hours to pay day and yesterday I was the envy of the female staff and most of the mums on the playground when I spent several hours with dishy dad after being roped into building a nasty Argos metal storage shed simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I got up close and personal. Close enough to discover that he waxes his chest to remove the sprouts at either side of his vest straps thus ensuring the bulging biceps are not obscured. From a distance hes rather tasty but up close the removal of the chest wig was a deal breaker. Reporting back to the staffroom it appears that the phwoargh factor has been downgraded several notches as a result of this. Obviously the discussion took place as the boss was showing potential new members of staff round leaving several people beetroot red and the majority of staff snorting with laughter when the boss broke into his presentation on the renovations to the building to point out that real men don't wax before moving swiftly on to point out the 18th century architecture visible from the staff room window.

It was another of those days where I ran in the door, swaped the laundry round, grabbed some lunch, washed up and then ran out the door again.

Today is looking much the same.

Have borrowed a few v. dodgy cowboy hats from the Early Years dressing up box and am now as ready as I'll ever be for this weekends family bash. Granny has arranged a stand up comedian for the occassion which is going to be rather interesting considering the range of people there. Fortunately stuff like this only happens once a decade but its always rather predictable. The elderly ones with start with the I'm not one to complain but and then to go on to fill me in on anything from their hip replacements to their new brand of incontinence pads. My little brother will sit and grunt in a corner, my sisters boyfriend will pick fights with anybody and everybody. My dad will be all doom and gloom and will manage to slip in references to every funeral hes ever been to. The auntie who is dying of cancer will be at great pains to point out that I'm going to die of it too and need surgery to remove all the bits that may become diseased before they come diseased. The female contingent of the family will agree with her since they've all already undergone the knife. And thats before I start on their many friends which include Woozy the lecherous groper with serious halitosis and BO. Will be keeping him well away from the DDs. Its going to be non-stop fun!

Hoping it stops raining as I'm braving the park with the loony dog walkers again today. It was good for the hound even if it was n't for me. Hoping the drizzle will make the wierder ones stay at home.

Eager_Elephant

(((Moo)))

I know we have said it before and DH does not want to but it does sound as though he has depression and might benefit from counselling or medication (I am not a doctor but I can see similar patterns from my DH when I first met him)

Most people might have a quick moan about furniture being moved in an office but certainly would not go on for hours - there is clearly some underlying issues. Is it a control issue - in that the furniture was moved and he had no say, the work force are all changing and no one knows whether they are coming or going so he feels out of control and the only thing he can control is having a drink.

I'm wondering what will happen at the party, is DH going as well? Will he drink loads and start ranting or does he save that for home?

EE

chevalier

I would say to him when sober. You want to drink then fine. But please be aware that YOUR POSESSIONS will be sold to fund it. And then sell the weights. And then sell landy parts. And when he rants point out to him that he stopped drinking for 5 weeks. He was a different person - someone you want to be around....or something
chev

moo2moo

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

(((Moo)))

I know we have said it before and DH does not want to but it does sound as though he has depression and might benefit from counselling or medication (I am not a doctor but I can see similar patterns from my DH when I first met him)

Most people might have a quick moan about furniture being moved in an office but certainly would not go on for hours - there is clearly some underlying issues. Is it a control issue - in that the furniture was moved and he had no say, the work force are all changing and no one knows whether they are coming or going so he feels out of control and the only thing he can control is having a drink.

I'm wondering what will happen at the party, is DH going as well? Will he drink loads and start ranting or does he save that for home?

EE

Fortunately we have to drive home after the party so one of us has to be in a fit state to drive, its usually him because I hate driving on motorways especially in the dark and I tend to swear a lot of emit high pitched squeaking sounds and shut my eyes in blind panic at some of the junctions on top of trying to wedge myself into a v. small space under the dashboard so its less traumatic for all invoved if OH drives and if hes driving he won't drink at all. So hopefully party should pass without concerns about his behaviour.

A visit to the doctors is out because he would have to declare to work that hes on medication and since medication for that sort of thing breaches the Ts&Cs of his employment he'd be put on gardening leave which probably isn't a bad thing but it would be unlikely that he'd be allowed to work again. Conselling is for people with problems (in the Gospel according to OH), he'd go with me if I went to Relate to discuss my problems but thats apparently all they are, my problems, not his.

mooomin

moo2moo wrote: »

he'd go with me if I went to Relate to discuss my problems but thats apparently all they are, my problems, not his.

Maybe if you went to Relate they could help him to see that problems in a relationship don't just belong to one person.

Trying_to_be_good

flying_fresian wrote: »

Maybe if you went to Relate they could help him to see that problems in a relationship don't just belong to one person.

Relate are very good at getting people to see both sides.

moo2moo

and so I almost unleashed the spendy elves. Have been debating purchasing The Preserving Book since the latest Book People leaflet arrived on my doorstep but was torn between the realisation that there are only so many ways to preserve things and the logic that its just another book cluttering up space albeit an almost sensibly priced one. Almost. Imagine themn my amazement when the school bookman deposited one in the staffroom for my perusal... and peruse it I did. Its really nicely laid out, simplistically written and it contains a few interesting combinations that I wouldn't have thought of but which do sound rather tempting. Tempting .... and then of course theres the handy presence of the sort of large electrical gadget commonly found in most offices. V. naughty but equally v. MSE and v. minimalistic in the space usage department. Was most restrained. Really I was.

OH is out with DD1 so things are rather peaceful. Going to heap a load of cheese onto a large pile of biscuits and toddle orf into the sunset to talk to the chooks whilst scoffing a v. improvised and rapidly thrown together "dinner".