Further financial faux pas and even more disasterous decisions

KAMH

Aaah Moo,
Just when things seem to have been going well for a while too! Or is that just your indomitable optimism being on display? Being nosy, but a close follower of your diary, did you ever cover the time when you discussed your financial intentions with OH? I wonder if it was a joint decision to clear the debt and how supportive he is/was. It sounds almost as if this is a decision you have made alone because of his seeming reluctance to stand shoulder to shoulder to defeat this pesky debt.
If you want any help digging the hole ..... You might regret it though, I walked out of a useless relationship three years ago and wonder still if it might have been better to stay in a bad relationship than no relationship at all! Fingers crossed that he wakes up full of remorse xx

beanielou

Not so good

moo2moo

Thank you all!!!!!!!!!

24 hours later I'm in a much better frame of mind. Its regrettable that things got so far out of hand but whilst he can conveniently forget the things he says the scratches on my back are a different matter. It scared him that he can have been so agressive and yet not recall doing it. Hes offered to move out although to be honest I think if hes left to his own devices the depression will worsen, hes already admitted to suicidal moments so I wouldn't want to risk the repercussions of him being alone with too many negative thoughts in his head. Instead he manged to get through last night without a drink and has agreed to try AA as its anonymous. We'll take it from there a day at a time.

KAMH - its not that hes not supportive of debt busting more that he buys frivalous things to make himself feel happy only to regret it later. The £500 giant Land Rover springs which are still sitting in the box the arived in six monhts ago are just one example. He had to have them. They arrived, he looked at them, oohed over them, put them back into the box and they've been ignored ever since. The debt is something we need to get a major grip on as the alternative was to continue spending more than we earn. He hated having to extend the mortgage to prevent the expenses of life taking us over our available balance but we had several months where our outgoings were several thousand more than our income.

If he is as serious as I think about quitting his job then we need to hammer the debt to nothingness to allow him to do this but then he really needs to get his head around the idea of me working first as he still sees himself as a failure for having a wife who works, more importantly he needs to find a way of living with other peoples attitude to his wife as a glorified cleaner whilst the others chaps at work have TV presenters for wives (look out for tango tan woman on QVC - shes one of them) and complain that they get ditched with their children on Saturday mornings so that the wives can have spray tans and manicures and facial waxes, eyebrow tints, hair cuts etc etc whilst he collects his from school each night and views it that his life is spent waiting for other people. Waiting for the kids to finish school, waiting for me to finish work etc. etc.

Will wait and see what happens. Hes decided to go on the trip to give himself a week to think things through without my interference. Should know later this morning when the puppy is coming home which will hopefully give him something positive to look forward to.

moo2moo

Continuing in this v. positive frame of mind the missing statement finally arrived a week later than expected. Despite all the unexpected car expenses we're not that far behind where I wanted to be. Not sub 15K by Easter but most definately by the end of this month although theres a 500GB portable media something or other hard drive winging its way here. At least it was cheaper than a motorbike and the clothing and the insurance and the courses and the road tax that was the alternative.

Need to be at school for 8 today to let the window fitters in and then return when they call to say they're finished to clear up after them before cleaning up after holiday club and locking up until Monday. Still I'm sure I'll appreciate the £40 extra I get for two weeks of holiday club when it hits my bank.

The DDs are riding mid-morning so I'll find out what foods puppy is on so I can purchase the same brands to minimise tummy trauma, theres nothing worse than an incontinent puppy with diarrhoea.... appart from that same puppy undertaking a 25 minute car journey and exploding within the confined and very absorbent boot space.

Spent a dull hour answering ridiculous questions on feminine protection... do I purchase them based on fragrance???? Eh.... oh yes, excuse the putrid red slime oozing down my trouser leg but don't the tampons in my handbag tampons smell very fruity.... where do they get these things from?

Must pootle off a large pile of laundry beckons caused by an exhausted DD2 who enjoyed her eight hours at the zoo so much that she fell asleep in the car and didn't reawaken until 3am by which time her bed was drenched. Had a fab time though. Realm of the Red Ape was awesome. You're up in the fake tree canopy with the apes and you're looking down upon them in their hammocks. Got to see a bald creepy looking new born baboon too. Walked miles and miles and miles and had an amazing day, will make sure we go back again soon although not in the school hols as the place was heaving.

Eager_Elephant

OMG Moo!!!

Please think carefully about your marriage. I can't believe he has hurt you. The decision to leave the marriage should be yours and yours alone, not his as he is the one who has hurt you.

I think I have mentioned before that my marriage is not quite right, we have been to Relate blah blah blah. My husband has emotionally cheated on me in the past but...

I stayed with him because he has depression and is often suicidal. I could not bear the guilt if he killed himself or what the children would think of me so at the moment the only thing is to stick with it until the children are older.

DH often mentions whether we will be married for a long time (my parents had there 32nd anniversary the other day). I have told him quite calmly that our marriage is unlikely to survive that long, he is shocked and then says I thought we had sorted things out.
Well we have sorted things out but I have not forgiven or forgotten and I don't trust him at all - it is no way for a marriage to be.

Sorry to ramble on about my marriage but I want to give you support.

Hopefully the week away will give your OH time to think and hopefully he can continue with AA.

EE

P.S Glad the zoo went well

Eager_Elephant

Well the jeans are now at the bottom of the stairs to prevent any falls!!
The bin bag of cat litter remains behind the back door - last night I cleaned out the cat litter trays and put the bin bags in the bin - I walked right past OH who was mowing the lawn. Maybe he will notice and move his bin bag some time soon!!

On the money front I wonder Moo whether my husband could put yours to shame - he has purchased off ebay a 4x4, cost £5000+!!!!
The logistics of how he will pay for it appear to be largely irrelevant - he has tried to persuade me to travel with him - 7 hours- I have politely declined!!

He has a car which we were thinking of changing so unless he sells it pretty sharpish his credit card minimum payment will be huge!!!

The problem with my husband is that if we discuss something we wish to buy but agree to save up or think about it in a month etc he thinks this is the green light to buy it - hence his speakers etc and now this 4x4!! Grrr

If my life was not so complicated at the moment I really think I would walk away from the marriage! (but see my concerns above)

EE

rupe34

Moo - I love your diary and I look forward to reading it each day - but catching up with it today has really made me worried for you. PLEASE consider your safety really carefully.

*buttons lip and sends a hug*

moo2moo

Clearly I've been burying my head in the sand for far too long. I've been aware for quite some time that OH was drinking more than was good for him but not quite how much that too much was. I mean how hard can it be to go without a drink? Turns out that the answer to that is incredibly hard. Its been less than 48 hours but so far hes have hot and cold sweats, shakes, total loss of concentration, bouts of exhaustion, chain smoking, total loss of appetite and its been occupying his every thought. He seems totally and utterly lost. Still at least he tidied the shed.

Despite this it has been 48 hours. Hes gone to bed in the hopes that he can sleep through some of the worst of the cravings leaving me with a lot of thinking space.

Rupe - thanks for the concern but it sounds worse than it is. The marks have faded already and will be gone in the next day or so but it proved once and for all that he doesn't have a clue what he does after the DDs have gone to bed. Hopefully those days are behind us.

mooomin

moo2moo wrote: »

Rupe - thanks for the concern but it sounds worse than it is. The marks have faded already and will be gone in the next day or so but it proved once and for all that he doesn't have a clue what he does after the DDs have gone to bed. Hopefully those days are behind us.

Uh-uh. If he left marks it's bad, regardless of if they faded or not. We know you love him, just please please don't put yourself at risk, because we might be the Faceless People of the Internet, but we love you and we want you to be safe.

*HUGE hug*

I hope AA works out for Mr Moo and that the withdrawal wakens him up to how much he had been consuming. We're here for you missus.

Xx

beanielou

I can only echo ff on this one.
BUt scary for you & scary withdrawal systems for your OH.