Partners parents have guessed and offered to help what to do?

southernscouser

calleyw wrote:

Now we know the real reason you started off with £34K worth of debt:rotfl:


Yours


Calley

:shhh: :whistle:

Queenie

Practical head on now ...

Rather than take a loan from his parents, is it possible to move in with them if they are so willing to help? Bear with me on this ...

... it seems from your own words that in part, the debt has accrued via basic living expenses, poor employment, low income. This suggests that you are both living beyond your means to begin with. So, by temporarily living with is parents, you would be able to put your current rent and community charge budget towards paying off your existing debts. If for example, your current rent were say £400 per month ... in just 12 months, you would be able to throw £4,800 at your debts - if your partner's is £10k alone, that would be almost 50% of it paid off! You would both still be able to pay a contribution towards the food/domestic bills but would automatically halve your monthly o/goings (that's assuming you both add £400 to the joint bills pot per month).

As your partner is due for a job change in August anyway, that would give you both an opportunity to look at a) cutting his travel costs by finding something more localised and b) reassess your future 12mth, 24 mth, 5yr and 10 yrs goals.

Rather than looking gloomily upon the end of August, you could perhaps consider some further career training which would improve your partner's employment options? How about your own? Could you also take a night course with the aim of working less hours but for more money? (hey, living with the potential in-laws would mean half the chores thus freeing you and your energy levels up to study!).

If his parents home isn't do-able, how about your own parents? Do you have the space to have a lodger? Can you do an online course?

Review both of your skills base and go and have a chat with the local careers office to see if you can develop yourselves further.

Could your partner travel share with someone he works with? Could you?

Have you visited the Old Style forum to cut your domestic costs? Have you checked out the Utilities forums to see if you can get cheaper telephone/water/gas/electric?

Not being funny, but are you both aware of how much beer you both actually consume? Is there a cheaper brand available? Have you tried Lidl/Aldi/Netto? Could/would you change to a b&w TV for a while to save on license fee's? (Yes, I know, archaic ... but, we're pinching pennies and squeezing pounds here!). Could you restrict your internet access to the library (free!) only?

Is it possible to get a smaller vehicle to reduce fuel consumption/tax/insurance?

Are they *any* perks from either of your employment that you could cash in on at a personal level?

Do either of you have any skills/talents/hobbies/knowledge that you could turn into cash via Ebay/Boot Fairs?

Just remember: "A rose by any other name, still smells as sweet" or, in MSE terms, "The burden of debt by another creditors name (incl. parents!) still weighs as heavy!"

Katharine

Yay things are looking up had a proper chat, will reply tomorrow.

LOL Queenie, his folks would mean a 4 hour daily commute, and mine a 18 hour one!

*Louise*

Katharine wrote:

I'm wondering if I should also talk to his parents about it as he always listens to them, seeing as he's already told them, or if that would be a tad underhand.

.

It's not underhand if you let him know you have done it.

They have made a very generous offer - why not sit down, have a chat with them and tell them what your worries are regarding the money? I know you're not keen for them to know, but they do now and they are willing to help.

Perhaps they can look at your 'cons' and help reason them out...and talk some sense into their son.

lynzpower

Katherine, I feel for you. sounds like a mirror of mine and OHs situation.

He has been temping since september and although in the main he is working he has been at the whim of the agencies. He comes out with say 230 pw, gives 100 to me, 10 on food 25 on travel card, 25 on debt payments, 8pw on phone contract tied in, adn the rest on "living". He owes me about £200, which I need but somehow doesnt exist. As we are really up against it at the moment, we need to find extra money.He has in the past owed me this money, I need to say, get a haircut, but I cant as he has been buying records off ebay and of course beers . Weve discussed it, in the main he doesnt do this any more, but sometimes I do think he isnt as DFW as me, but then again Im a nerd :T

two things
1. there IS extra money in his budget. Identifying it is the most important thing along with a serious chat about why this isnt being paid back to you.
2. More than one way to skin a cat. How is it going looking for perm/ better paid work? I expect, by the sounds of things, you could be exhausted and maybe his application forms etc might be getting a bit tired too? How much effort are you guys putting in to find a better paid job for him. My OH at times has been quite satisfied to be temping ( when hes on contracts he likes) but effectively looking for better money has to be something that comes alongside the cutbacks. We have tried to set aside time in the week to do application forms/ job hunt etc - is this something that he WANTS to do, or is he happy plodding along? Albiet there may not be that many jobs round your way I dont know where you are. Is there more overtime for him where he is?

Bear in mind loans to paretns dont get covered in DMPs, so if the worst happened, you wouldnt be able to bring this down to token payments, unless of course the parents can afford for you guys not to be paying it back for a while. Would this be possible?

Personally, my feeling would be that if it transfers the debt into his "name" and you are left with your share, then great. Go for it. But Id sit down and have a full & rank conversation with the "lender" and explain your reservations. He chooses not to pay his living expenses at the mo, and his budgeting isnt happening. I dont know what you referred to about the car, but surely car repairs *should* be budgeted for and shouldnt come out of the bills account. Time to sit down I think and do a FULL SOA using the budget planner and work out HOW ends can be met and debts can be paid.
there is no reason at all why the parents loan woldnt give you breathing space, in terms of interest, but dont you take it over a loger term or to reduce the payments per month- keep all as it is but minus the interest.

Could you take a lodger in?

Katharine

Sorry I got a bit arsey yesterday I was stressed and needed outside advice and I do appreciate it I just felt that ZTD hadn't been reading my posts properly before replying, but obviously this is a misunderstanding. I didn't mean to offend anyone, and thank-you all for your various opinions its given me food for thought.

We had a good chat yesterday, I got things off my chest and now know where the cash went, when his shift pattern changed he effectivly lost two days pay, and the day his car broke down he fixed it and went in in the afternoon, so lost half a days pay and still had to pay petrol, so thats £80, we went to two events this month that we had been looking forward to all year thats £20 in entrance fees, and £20 on beer. He has seen the error of his prioritys and we are going to decide a joint budget for beer. He was embaressed to tell me in advance he wouldn't be able to pay his way, (which was an annoyance to me) but I have explained to him now that he must give me warning and reason, and he agreed and apologised. I only expect him to do as much as he can and keep me informed, nothing more nothing less. We also decided not to take up the offer before we know whats happening with his job situation.

It is hard to budget for car things I needed two new tyres this month which I couldn't afford to budget for. If I have money left over at the end of the month I throw it at the debt, but if I need it back again then at least I paid a bit less interest. He is excellent at fixing our cars tho which saves us huge garage fees, so we only ever need to spend of parts, mots tax etc.

I have no reason to think we will split up, it's just when this amount of money is involved and I am on paper responsible for it all I have to consider such things, and if the worst happened I certainly dont want to be in a worse situation than now!

We rent so no we can't have a lodger nor have space for one. We are both looking for jobs for him and he is more stressed about it than I am. I would welcome any suggestions for practical jobs that are cheap to retrain in, tho I do have concerns about spending money on an uncertain prospect. He has a science based degree, but has practical work experience only, enjoys practical work and working outside, and would go nuts working in an office or with computers (he doesn't get on well with them!). There a couple of good jobs hes found, same area I work so would save on petrol But need as many options as possible. He does need a closer job as its rediculous spending more than a quarter of his pay on petrol.

I also enjoy making things and am quite creative and want to supplement my wage from this, and hope to focus on one thing (looking at stained glass) so maybe one day when I'm older (and debt free) I might be good enough to make a living from it. The problem again is the cost of initial tools and materials, and the uncertainly to making any money from it but I'm currently looking into this and hopefully I might be able to ask for some tools for my upcoming birthday. Will also save money on pressies if I can make them.

I'm not going to retrain as its taken me 5 years of on-off temping to get to the current point of a secure job paying 19k plus we get a 5% payrise most years apparently. I don't think I can ask more than that! But very keen to spend some spare time making things I'll enjoy making to sell, particularly in winter when I get bored easily!

Katharine

Also forgot to say about the joint account, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to link our finances as at least if I die tomorrow my debt will die with me, rather than make him bankrupt. I don't mind being worth more dead than alive. :rolleyes:

calleyw

Katharine wrote:

Also forgot to say about the joint account, I decided it wouldn't be a good idea to link our finances as at least if I die tomorrow my debt will die with me, rather than make him bankrupt. I don't mind being worth more dead than alive. :rolleyes:

Your debt will die with you anyway if you don't have any assets. So having one joint bank account would make no difference. As the debt is your name and your name alone.

They can try it on but as far as I was aware (Someone please correct me if I am wrong) that a debt belongs ONLY to the person named and no one else.

All the best not matter what happens. I hope you do get it sorted it. But I can tell you MEN who would have them. I suspect he was to proud to tell you. Silly boy. Better to be up front and let you know there was a problem.

Yours


Calley

Katharine

Yep pretty much, poor chap would love to be earning so much that he could keep me as his house bint, not that I would have any of it. He is the old fashioned type which can be charming or sometimes disadvantagoues, (to himself) he feels very uncomfortable owing me money.

I'm sure I learnt from somewhere (on here quite possibly) that if you finances are tied then your debt could be passed on to the other?