Partners parents have guessed and offered to help what to do?

In_Search_Of_Me

sorry Queenie posts crossed!! Intersting to see such differening perspectives!! At the end of the day Katharine you need to do what you feel is right - hard to say if OH parents would take you to court - if this worries you & you decide to do the loan from them you could set up a contract between them & son (you if you have to too!!) about repayment agreement?

southernscouser

Queenie wrote:

So, weighing up the pro's and con's ... you have listed 4 reasons why it isn't a good idea and only 1 truly positive reason why it would be a good solution.

But in all fairness I don't think there are any other pro's to borrowing money other than to get it at a better interest rate!

southernscouser

As others have said you need to get OH on your side. While your both pulling from different ends it's only gonna cause problems.

Have you actually sat down and told him how you feel? I know you've told him what needs to be done but thats 2 different things. If it's getting you down and he truly loves you then he will do all he can and you can't ask for anymore than that.

If this sounds sexist it's probably becuase it is. We don't know what you women are thinking. If you get a mood on we think it's coz you're a woman and thats what you do. We don't know there is a problem so you have to give us a few clues! ie tell us!

ZTD

Katharine wrote:

Good point! Thats £120 that wont be paid off this month, not so much building debt

It is building debt. Except instead off Big Bank Ltd, it is with Katharine UnLtd.

From what you were saying before - forgive me if I have it wrong - you borrowed the money and he spent it.

Isn't that what is happening here?

How many times has he's done this? Are you really sure?

I kept a spreadsheet. The OH was mortified and disappointed etc, especially when it showed a debt of £3.5K to me - without everything having been put on it. OK, that includes a car, but the general principle holds.

No more lending him money until you are satisfied that he has a grip. That is you are satisified, not "If I lend him this he'll stop bleating on". If he falls behind, start looking at what his kit is worth on ebay. Offer to sell more than is neccesary - say it'll buy beer for him for the next month.

Katharine wrote:

but delaying it being paid off, but same difference really.

The only difference is the spin that's put on it.

Queenie

southernscouser wrote:

But in all fairness I don't think there are any other pro's to borrowing money other than to get it at a better interest rate!

Or *no* interest rate = freebie

Point taken, but I was merely quoting the OP

molit

Just thought I'd put my 2 pence worth in...agree with all of the having the heart to heart, but also, if he can put a face on the money which is being leant - i.e. his mothers, this could actually have a very positive effect on him, and his repayments. Depending on the relationship he has with his Mum, she might be able to keep him very tightly on the straight and narrow - no son ever wants to disappoint his mum, and he might realise that his mum has worked hard for tht money, and the slower he pays things off, the longer she will not have the money, because of him. As I said just a thought. Regardless, you will feel you have made the wrong decision at times, and the right decision at times.

just another quick thought before I press the reply button, have you spoken to his Mum, and expressed your concerns to her - she might have a few ideas too

Boomdocker

IMHO, I think who you borrow the money from is irrelevant if you cannot agree that you have spending issues in the first place. Sounds like you have bailed him out and until he faces up to his part in this then any loan from his parents will still spiral until spending is curbed.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Ali-OK

If you borrowed the money and it's at 0%, could you not treat it like your current debts and set up a DD for up to 2% of it each month to his parents bank account?

Thus the money still has to come out of your overall budget, your overall payment to debt each month will be smaller due to the zero interest and as someone else said, he won't want to let his parents down and the impact could be he starts watching the pennies more carefully.

Katharine

I think I should clarify a few things as some of you are getting the wrong end of the stick. The majority of the debt has been spent on absolute essentials, rent, household bills, food petrol etc for us both. I have never physically given him money for him to spend. We've had a hard time financially pretty much the entire 6 years weve been together, extented spells of unemplyment, temporary contract, low pay, only this year have I gained a permenant job with half decent pay, and he's never had any money and I can't see a time in the foreseable future he will ever have any. Obviously when we were getting in debt I felt poor so I kept spending to a relative minimum but didn't look at it as closey as I do now since lightbulb and could have cut back of food/beer for instance. Yes I was bailing him out but I was bailing me out too! Lightbulb only came once I realised I was earning money and still had none, and worked out it was all gone after min payments and bills.

Of course I will not take up this offer without thoughly discussing it with OH and his parents. They are very close and I think it may actually help for him to feel more ownership for the debt. I am concerned about possible way this could go awfully wrong tho and will discuss this too. If I do go ahead, if there is some way I can make it be seen a purely a loan to him I will, in the politest possible sense!

We have been through alot together and is has made us stronger, so I feel there is plenty of hope for a sound solution here to.

SS: I have made my feelings clear and have told him the problem, but SOME of you men have thick heads.

ZTD: Not leading him money means not paying the bills (meaning I am punished to) or not feeding him, are you really suggesting I do that?

Katharine

Ali-OK wrote:

If you borrowed the money and it's at 0%, could you not treat it like your current debts and set up a DD for up to 2% of it each month to his parents bank account?

Thus the money still has to come out of your overall budget, your overall payment to debt each month will be smaller due to the zero interest and as someone else said, he won't want to let his parents down and the impact could be he starts watching the pennies more carefully.

I'm not inclined to do that because of the snowballing, I am resolutely trying to pay of the 16% :eek: cards first. Seems silly not to. The overall payment wouldn't be less per month, just less of it would be interest, it would be less overall so closeing in the DFD.