Partners parents have guessed and offered to help what to do?

southernscouser

Katharine wrote:

SS: I have made my feelings clear and have told him the problem, but SOME of you men have thick heads.

And I'm proudly one of them!

Queenie

southernscouser wrote:

And I'm proudly one of them!

:j :j I can vouch for that!!! :j :j

southernscouser

Queenie wrote:

:j :j I can vouch for that!!! :j :j

Oi! Who rattled your cage?

ZTD

Katharine wrote:

ZTD: Not leading him money means not paying the bills (meaning I am punished to) or not feeding him, are you really suggesting I do that?

No, what I would suggest is that you extract the money from him the instant he gets paid, no matter when the bills are due. There will be times he'll want to buy something and he'll be short. That's when you make that decision.

For me, an SO takes money out of my account the day after payday and into a separate account which the bills come out of. No spending that on personal consumption...

From the sound of it he doesn't spend the entirity of his wages on food and bills.

Katharine

What hes supposed to be doing is transfering £100 a week into my account to cover his half of the bills, on payday, but this month hes transferred £120 short. I have worked out his finances with him and the rest of his wages are what he needs for petrol car running costs etc. I'm not entirely certain why hes needed to keep more this month, one was being a days pay short for when his car broke down, but I dont understand why its £120. I know it can be difficult to budget when your payed weekly when you have certain things going out at certain times of the month. Dont really see how taking any more money would work or even be possible when he cant give the £100 a week.

calleyw

As this joint debt it needs a joint lightbulb moment. As others have said it is no good for you to pulling in one direction and them in other.

This is going to sound very hard. But tough if can't have beer money/clothes money etc. In my world bills comes first that means mortgage/rent/Food/electric/water/gas/council tax/petrol/car insurance/car tax (they are no order apart from how they came to mind) and then what is ever left over is yours to spend or save as you see fit.

This is going to sound very controlling and really might not help the situation but what about joint account where both wages are paid in and you keep his cash card and dole out say £10 a week for spending money and another £X for fuel a week. Only problem with that is does not make the person really learn.

If he is on a low wage he needs to find other ways to make more income be it a second job stacking shelves in a supermarket over night, delievering freebie newspapers etc. Of course this will only work if he is not working shifts.

Once to clear my debts I was working a day job doing two nights that is right nights 11pm-7am and 10pm-6am on a friday and saturday stacking shelves in a supermarket as well as studying an OU course. I did that for 8 months which was when the debt was cleared. And boy was a tired.

Unless you are both sure that you have shut down all the leakage in your budgets and day to day to spending then borrowing more money no matter what the source is not good idea. Also when you borrow from family and friends it tends to get put on the back burner as it is not a bank where they can really hassle you if you don't pay.

We once borrowed from my MIL. And we made sure we paid back every month an amount that was entered in a book which both my husband and his mother signed. As she gave us cash for both our birthdays we refused to take the money saying we would just pay it straight back to her. So that helped pay a little more off.

The one thing that does concern me a little. Is that all the debt is in your name but it is joint debt. I don't want to be doom and gloom merchant but what happens if you break up and the debt is not paid off. You are going to be stuck for the whole lot of money to pay back. As no matter what people say "Oh yes of course I will my half off" changes when you do split up.

All the best. And yes when woman keeps on about the same subject it is seen as nagging.

You should my husbands face when I say we need to review the bills. I only do that every few months. You would think I had asked him to walk the great wall of china in bare feet. His reply is always but I can't see how we can the bills any lower. Little does he know. I am going to save water by making him wee in the compost bin and give him a one jug of hot water to wash in rather than letting him have a wallow in the bath :rotfl:

Yours


Calley

Queenie

calleyw wrote:

....

You should my husbands face when I say we need to review the bills. I only do that every few months. ... His reply is always but I can't see how we can the bills any lower. Little does he know. I am going to save water by making him wee in the compost bin and give him a one jug of hot water to wash in rather than letting him have a wallow in the bath :rotfl:

:rotfl: :T :rotfl: :T :rotfl: Classic!!! :T :rotfl:

ZTD

Katharine wrote:

What hes supposed to be doing is transfering £100 a week into my account to cover his half of the bills, on payday, but this month hes transferred £120 short. I have worked out his finances with him and the rest of his wages are what he needs for petrol car running costs etc. I'm not entirely certain why hes needed to keep more this month, one was being a days pay short for when his car broke down, but I dont understand why its £120. I know it can be difficult to budget when your payed weekly when you have certain things going out at certain times of the month. Dont really see how taking any more money would work or even be possible when he cant give the £100 a week.

Right, let's see if I've got this right in my mind.

• Your partner is 10K in debt
• It's in your name
• He is supposed to give ~£400 pm (4 wk month)
• This month he has given ~£280
• He has not given you any reason why. You say "can't" but it could easily be "won't".
• You don't state his wage, but he has it all bar £280 to spend on himself. From this he has to pay petrol. How much does he spend on petrol?

This leads to the following questions:
Where is his wage going? Why don't you know?
Why isn't it going to pay for "essential household bills"?
Why isn't it going to pay off his debt?

I'm starting to go off down the Queenie route I'm afraid.

ZTD

calleyw wrote:

You should my husbands face when I say we need to review the bills. I only do that every few months. You would think I had asked him to walk the great wall of china in bare feet. His reply is always but I can't see how we can the bills any lower. Little does he know. I am going to save water by making him wee in the compost bin and give him a one jug of hot water to wash in rather than letting him have a wallow in the bath :rotfl:

Then you'll tell him that instead of eating cereal, he'll just get the box to eat. Though that might not be a bad trade for some cereals...

Queenie

ZTD wrote:

...

I'm starting to go off down the Queenie route I'm afraid.

:rotfl: :rotfl: It's an age thing, I'm sure of it :shhh: :silenced: