When you post a Q on forums..

Kandipandi

I think that if you post on these forums asking for advice then you have to take the rough with the smooth. Its an open forum and there are idiots on here same as in the real world.
If you want someone to agree with you to confirm your feelings then speak to a close friend or sit in front of the mirror and talk to yourself (I always give the right answer to myself ). If you are honestly asking thousands of strangers for advice or opinions on personal issues giving them very limited information then you have to expect that you will get all kinds of responses.
Personally I have had a good experience on this particular forum the people have been mostly friendly and helpful, however some of the people I have seen who come on here just to cause upset and strife (it seems) - well... you have to wonder.

Pixiechic

Interesting question, in my opinion, if you ask a question then you should be open to the response that you get. If you don't like the replies you get, or you can't handle it, don't post!
I think most people ask a question with a nice tone and are appreciative of any info they might recieve. On the other hand though, there are some who ask a question yet are very closed to any advice offered, sometimes to the point of rudeness. There are also ones where the op is just intolerant and just moans online without being receptive to improving a situation that they are having problems with. Much like your post about your cats. Funny how you probably can't see how you have come across yourself!

belfastgirl23

I always find it really interesting that people have such different views and how much this comes from different experiences. For example in threads about problems in marriage, there are people who immediately figure that the relationship is abusive and I think this is based on them having been through that scenario themselves and seeing what one of the partners is doing as the beginning of a process that will end in domestic violence or worse. Whereas often I see it as just a really bad day in a marriage but that it isn't unsalvageable. And others have different views. And as the person keeps posting then you realise either you are wrong or some of the other posters are wrong.

We can only react based on what people have said and what that means to us in terms of our own lives. And sometimes one person can change the tone of a whole thread if they pick up on something that others haven't noticed.

I kind of think that's what makes this genuinely useful, is that people get a lot of different sounding boards and can use this to help them figure out their own feelings.

But yes you do probably need to be a little bit thick skinned

Evansangel

gabyjane wrote: »

The current one on here..our cats! Been called a cat hater..i mistreat them..i hate them..i'm cruel!!

Im a bad fish owner and i stumped its growth. Its a goldfish...

Im shocked by what i read on here sometimes, i sometimes think 'would that person give that same nasty reply to your face'
And its usually, no they wouldn't.

They are hiding behind a PC and probably are a total wuss in real life.

gabyjane

Thanks..lots of replies already so wont reply individually!

Lol at some..yes i agree you do have to take the good and the bad replies which is fine..i KNOW i am not right all/most of the time BUT there is being told you are wrong which is fine as opposed to being told you are an idiot or stupid etc..some replys are quite vicious and hurtful and really there is no need for it is there?
I think unless you admit to doing something really stupid/hurtful then you shouldn't expect a horrible reply as such.
I read some posts and just think..'what'?? i do not reply simple! it's not hard is it?
I agree the ones who post nasty replies would probably not say anything in real life and are just the big guys online! I am safe in the knowledge i have a good support of friends family who speak to me about things..they are probably all 2 faced but least they don't call me stupid/nasty etc!!

Curious_George_2

the only thing that really gets me about asking a question on here is how much information you can give... its a no win situation...

if you dont give much background info to your question people ask for it, or they just assume (and generally get it all wrong)
if you do give any background info so people understand why your asking then it gets disected to death and again people assume things and get it all wrong...

i asked a question once about my grandmother and her annoying habit of calling the ambulance out all the time (which i see as dangerous, wasteful and unnessasary) and how the whole family think she should be in a home as she cant do anything for herself except hit that bloody careline button...
and the whole thread tuned into a massive row about my relationship with her (because i had made the mistake of saying i disowned her years ago but was asking for the sake of my mother who lived with nan)
and how i was an old people hater and was more interested in being spiteful than the welfare of the woman!

people say all sorts of things on there that they wouldnt utter under their breath in real life

gabyjane

Curiousgeorge your 1st paragraph hits the nail on the head!

The rest..sorry but i did lol at your grandmother..having visions of her hitting that button then behaving as if she had done nothing when they arrived!! If that is taken the wrong way then feel free to have a REAL go!!..i understand exactly where you are coming from though but wasn't suprised when you said it had been turned round!!

Curious_George_2

gabyjane wrote: »

The rest..sorry but i did lol at your grandmother..having visions of her hitting that button then behaving as if she had done nothing when they arrived!!

thats exactly what she does... she hit that button and got an ambulance out because she dropped her drink once and it makes my blood boil...
who knows how many people could be waiting in a real life or death situation for that ambulance but they are tied up going backwards and forwards to her house all day just because she refuses to go into a home!!

and i got called all sorts of things because its clear i dont have anything to do with the woman (she was an evil witch in her time) and they were trying to find out the "real" reason for me posting... like inheritance or something else i hadnt mentioned!!!!

in real life AND on here you should remember that a person can be clever... but as a group people are stupid

euronorris

Curious_George wrote: »

if you dont give much background info to your question people ask for it, or they just assume (and generally get it all wrong)
if you do give any background info so people understand why your asking then it gets disected to death and again people assume things and get it all wrong...

What I've also noticed is that, sometimes, people will pick out a certain piece of information and launch on it, even it is explained later in the very same post.

It doesn't give me much hope as I can't help but think 'OK, either you didn't read the post fully (why not?) OR you're deliberately trying to be antagonistic'. Either one isn't great.

That said, there is a vast array of knowledge and opinions on this forum, which I am very grateful for. I don't always like the answers I get, but I'm rarely after someone to agree with me. I'm usually trying to understand where someone else is coming from or how/why a situation works for one person and whether or not it would work for me etc.

I do get frustrated when people appear to be very narrow minded and therefore not open to different views/opinions though and end up being judgemental. Just because someone views things differently doesn't necessarily make them wrong, just different.

But overall, no, it doesn't upset me. Winds me up sometimes, but not for long. Not worth dwelling over. Just pick out the advice that you feel is best and most relevant for you and move on.

patchwork_cat

Yes sometimes people upset me - Gabyjane I have noticed that you do start an awful lot of threads, less than 10% of your posts are on threads started by others. You are as a result constantly going to be at the butt of more criticism than if you just contributed to other people's and offered them your advice.