Looking for advice from fellow MSE users

prunesquallor

Watalie wrote: »

Prune - First, fantastic well done on your achievement so far! :T
I'm going to hazzard a guess that you are mid thirties or early forties, so whoever you go to date will likely be similar age & have baggage of some kind
Personally I'd rather have a relationship with someone who had their head screwed on about finances

Thanks, I'm pleased that for now things are going reasonably ok. Your guess is almost right - I'm 32 and I accept i'll need to find some one understanding of baggage. That said I feel that people can move on from baggage and inside I feel I have to a degree. But obviously scars will inevitably remain. And hopefully I finally have my head screwed on right financially, even though I'm still paying off debt.

I know this is off topic but a few months ago when circumstances got me down I did a few weeks of therapy. In those sessions we discovered that i'm of the schizoid persuasion, but not severely. Not to be confused with multiple personalities (schizophrenia), it basically means you find it hard to converse and relate to people and socialising in general is difficult.

That may ultimately mean that nobody will be interested in terms of dating and relationships. I can take that on the chin, but hopefully there are some out there who fancy the understated quiet bloke...

Not sure why I brought all that up, it's just been on my mind recently.

Watalie

prunesquallor wrote: »

Thanks, I'm pleased that for now things are going reasonably ok. Your guess is almost right - I'm 32 and I accept i'll need to find some one understanding of baggage. That said I feel that people can move on from baggage and inside I feel I have to a degree. But obviously scars will inevitably remain. And hopefully I finally have my head screwed on right financially, even though I'm still paying off debt.

I know this is off topic but a few months ago when circumstances got me down I did a few weeks of therapy. In those sessions we discovered that i'm of the schizoid persuasion, but not severely. Not to be confused with multiple personalities (schizophrenia), it basically means you find it hard to converse and relate to people and socialising in general is difficult.

That may ultimately mean that nobody will be interested in terms of dating and relationships. I can take that on the chin, but hopefully there are some out there who fancy the understated quiet bloke...

Not sure why I brought all that up, it's just been on my mind recently.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry. You sound like a very genuine guy and lots of girls out there would be delighted to date/fancy the understated quiet bloke.

My marriage broke up when I was 28 & I did a lot of internet dating and speed dating (I have some hilarious and some horrific stories) - anyway my point is - usually when a guy is as articulate as you are via this medium, then they usually can hold their own in a one on one conversation.

I reckon you just need to believe in yourself a little - get out, do some speed dating or internet dating and get your confidence back. Speed dating, it's not that expensive, if you have a mate or a brother or even a sister or someone who can do it with you, you could probably have a good laugh too. Good Luck Prune, you will be fine

prunesquallor

Watalie wrote: »

usually when a guy is as articulate as you are via this medium, then they usually can hold their own in a one on one conversation.

Thanks Watalie, your comments mean a lot to me. And sorry to hear about your marriage, I hope you've found your ideal match. I haven't really started dating yet - I've actually started to rebuild my wardrobe with decent quality garments. Trying out the "Look good, feel good" theory. Also, before returning to dating sites/speed dating, I think i should at least acquire a few hobbies/interests. Give myself more content than just working and paying off debt.

Last month although I paid another grand towards my family loan, I didn't bother deducting it from the signature since I had to pay out a solicitor's bill for the divorce at just under a grand . Thought I'd already got through the expensive work so wasn't expecting a bill that big but not really much I can do.

On the plus side, it's looking like the divorce should be all over in a couple of weeks so hopefully no more unexpected bills. Although I'll probably get another bill for these last 2 weeks despite not really communicating with the solicitor! The only ones who gain out of this process is the lawyers, all I know is the sooner it's over the better.

July should see the end of family loan. Then another 8000 will be left to pay for the bank loan . Which if I can continue at this rate will take until next March to pay off.

Ordinarily in March I'd be getting bonus as I managed a good review this year. Alas with the recession going on, I really doubt there will be anything. But that said I'm grateful just to have a job

prunesquallor

Coming up to 18 months after my light bulb moment and it still gets me every time when I think about just how much damage can be done and how easy it is to inflict it on oneself. If anything, that feeling grows as time passes even with the debt going steadily downwards. I think the reason that feeling has become more magnified for me is that I've been paying back over a grand a month for months now and I still have several months ahead of me. So I suppose every pay day it's a bit of a slap when that cash comes straight out again.

The way one could look at things is I could have just as easily hidden away and pretended there was no issue. In which case I would still be left with 30k of debt now. Thankfully I've taken it seriously though.

Looking back at the most recent replies to my last post, alas the issue of being in debt and trying to date does appear to be an issue. To be frank, I can't really blame anyone for not being enticed by a 32 year old who's had to move back to his parents due to issues with debt. I mean it's not exactly what women are looking for in a man! I still feel as though I'm an ineligible bachelor despite being single for nearly a year now.

Don't get me wrong, I know I have to suck it up while I have debts to clear and there's no way around that.

prunesquallor

Since my first post on here last year I've cleared 70% of my debt, which was initially 30k. I'm just about to complete on the sale of my flat which will free up just over 1k per month (this was being used to cover mortgage, bills etc.).

My current debt situation is that I need to finish off paying a family based loan which I anticipate will be possible with the proceeds of the sale of my flat. The only debt left will then be a 7k bank loan - the plan for that is to set aside 1k a month for six months and then settle the loan.

For the last year I've been living at my parents' place to get back on my feet financially. That said, I have absolutely no problems living with my family.

With the above in mind, I have a few questions:

1. Do you think I've prioritised my debts correctly?
2. Do my solutions make sense to you?
3. With the flat sold, I'm thinking of renting a room in a shared house - do-able for around 350 per month in the area I'm looking. The plan is to take the next couple of years to save up a deposit to buy again but without the burden of any debt. Do you think this is a sensible plan?

My mother is actually planning to move to the same locality as I am looking to rent a room. So the option is open for me to move with her. The only reservation I have is that society tends to frown upon a single male living with their parents at the age of 32 and I can understand why.

Another option which I'm very hesitant about is my mother has offered to advance a loan which would allow me a deposit to buy a cheap place and I would then pay her back over a couple of years. The thing is, I don't want to be in debt again, especially not with family.

So is it best to just go and rent a room, effectively paying for some one else's mortgage? Or accept the loan and pay it back whilst paying my own mortgage? Or just continue to live with mother until such time I can buy my own place?

To me - the first option offers immediate independence which is a valuable thing and something I probably need to re-learn. On the other hand, sitting tight and then buying would save me money. I guess the choice is between growing as a person or greater financial benefit.

Any opinions are very welcome...