Looking for advice from fellow MSE users

RAS

I think you need to sit down with her, remind her that a large part of the debt was accrued supporting her before she came over here and that the financial situation has now changed.

She may have got the message that you are Mr Generous big earner in the past and may not have adjusted to the reality, that in terms of UK income you are not well off.

prunesquallor

Thanks RAS, we've had the conversation on more than one occasion. The trouble is, as you say, she did have the idea that I could afford to give her money on demand. When I finally told her frankly that things couldn't continue financially she wasn't happy. She's now adjusting but I still get the impression she would prefer a rich guy or at least one without debt. She has a low paid job but isn't contributing towards bills/debt. A lot of her salary she sends back to her mum.

I am clearing my debt steadily - about 5k over the last 5 months - but it means I have very little to spend and will continue for at least another 18 months. Still feels like there's a long way to go and it's still difficult to feel any progress is being made.

She's recently been saying she wants to have a joint mortgage account (it's just me at the moment). The way I feel at the moment, I don't see why it should be joint if she's not contributing. She agreed to pay half the mortgage if it was joint but I just feel that she should have at least offered something in the 4 months she's been working. Trouble is she entered the relationship expecting something else. Am I being unfair by not making the mortgage a joint one?

prunesquallor

One of the rules where I'm working is that at some point during the year, we have to take a two week holiday. I was just wondering if anyone could suggest some kind of temporary job I could take on for those two weeks. Or maybe some one has a useful site/resource for this. There's no way I can go anywhere for my hols this year so thought it might be useful to earn some extra income instead...

prunesquallor

Well, it's been 5 months since I last posted on here. My marriage broke down and we're now in the process of getting a divorce. For that reason, my debt went up but I've managed to get it back to where it was when I was last here. If you read previous posts, financial issues stemmed from the culture my ex partner was accustomed to in that she expected to be "kept" as they say. But I accept my error of judgement over the whole thing and am moving on.

The debt prevents me from doing a lot of the stuff I would like to do, which is why I'll be paying as much off as I possibly can every month. A positive note on that front is I should clear credit card debt this month leaving me with a family loan and a bank loan of 10k each. If I play my cards right and I manage to stay employed, I could achieve paying off 1k per month, if that was to go as planned it would mean an optimistic debt free date of April 2012.

The worry I have now is what will happen in terms of financial settlement with my divorce. I'm advised that I shouldn't worry too much considering I have no assets to give and no children are involved. Plus the fact that I was demonstrably the only one paying rent/bills/food. But if I do have to pay her a nominal amount, not much I can do really.

onthebreadline

Well done you :j Getting your life sorted out. Am at the start of doing that myself. Seems very complex at the moment, and know it's a long haul ahead. But will try my very best with everyone's help and advice here on this site/forum and the new forum recommended to me; "allaboutdebt".

kezzygirl

wow how things can change!i believe if you can prove that you were the only one contributing then she should get nothing...dont quote me on that though.Might be worth asking your solicitor?Good luck for the future,sounds to me as though you had a lucky escape x

prunesquallor

kezzygirl wrote: »

i believe if you can prove that you were the only one contributing then she should get nothing...dont quote me on that though. Good luck for the future,sounds to me as though you had a lucky escape x

Thanks Kezzy, I understand the irony of me quoting you after your request not to quote you, but I agree with you. My solicitor says she shouldn't be able to get much, possibly a one off amount. Even if that does happen, hopefully I can specify that I can only pay it after debts have been cleared.

onthebreadline wrote: »

Well done you Am at the start of doing that myself ... and the new forum recommended to me; "allaboutdebt".

Thanks for encouragement and the new forum. Good luck with your journey too...

The_Moo

Hope this is the start of something much better for you.

:-)

prunesquallor

Well, it's been a couple of months since I was last here. I came on here to measure my progress against my signature and thankfully I'm going in the right direction. I've taken 10k off my debt in a year which I suppose is fairly decent. It would have been more had it not been for my divorce which is still going on as we speak. Decree Nisi came through one week ago so I'm just hoping that our financial settlement isn't going to hurt too much. But I'm told that, because the marriage was so short and there are no children involved, it shouldn't be too bad. Not that I have anything to give her, as you can all see! Any amount she requests would have to come out of my pension unfortunately - I've already borrowed from relatives for legal fees so I can't in all good conscience ask for any more hand outs really.

Hopefully by this time in 2011 I should have cleared the bulk of my debt. That's assuming I still have a lodger paying me rent but since he's just accepted a rent increase and has taken over paying for broadband, I'm hoping he'll stick around for another year or so.

JAMIEDODGER

Just read all your posts! Sound like you had a lucky escape there!

Great news paying back that much debt too and I hope that your divorce settlement won't be too painful. You are sub 20k now, it can only get better from here on in! Keep up the good work:D