Does a registry office wedding look cheap an nasty?

Plans_all_plans

Zimm190 wrote: »

Is it actually that much cheaper to get married in a registery office than in a church? How do the two compare in terms of fees?

You can get married in a Catholic church for free. You are expected to give a donation to the Parish though, but this can be as large or small as you want it to be. I do not think there are tiers of donations depending on whether you are a regular at Mass or not though.

If you want an organist, choir and flowers then these will have a small reasonable cost, but the marriage itself (the important part) is free, as it is a sacrament in the Catholic church and making money from it would be frowned upon.

ljbnotts

If you get married in a Catholic church you still need to give notice at a cost of £30 each (as you do in for any wedding bar a C of E Church).

A rough breakdown is as follows:

£60 - To give notice of intention to marry (£30 each).
£40 - Basic ceremony fee at Register office.
£3.50 - For a certificate.

Register office weddings are not cheap and nasty. They can be lovely. You can still have all the trimmings, flowers, dress, bridsmaids, own music etc.

I work in a Register office and see some lovely weddings, at the end of the day its about you and your partner and if thats what you both want then do it, you can make the day really special.

I do agree that you come across as a bit pushy and i would suggest you sit down and talk about it rather than tell her how its going to be! As others have suggested why don't you elope somewhere? That way the day is about you two and not keeping up with anyone else!

System

Ok time for a responce, as my user name say I'm from NI, I'm Protestant my partner catholic, which is awkward, so registry office cures this, my local registry office is just the local council buildings in town nothing exciting and it costs £50 to get it done.

Yes as someone mentioned it's the commitment I'm after, not attempting to better a sibling, which we could never do, but because her siblings have all had the full works anything we would do will look poor anyway,and while no one would say anything, you can be sure they will all talk behind backs, they are so !!!!!y, I'm not saying my family are any different but my parents did it my way infact all my family weddings were small affairs with a reception in a local pub with few sandwiches nothing exciting. But this wouldn't suit her.

Then sad also to say with her it is also about getting presents and I am the opposite, I want nothing from no one, no one owes me anything.

While I lover her I think this is just somthing we may not be able to agree on, and I do think forcing her would be a bad idea.

System

After Reading back through this again to be honest I really don't think marrage can be an option, my way was nasty looking, but the reality is we can't afford any form of reception our financial situation is so dire, for example we are going on our first ever holiday this year which is 2 nights in a b&b at the coast, that says it all really doesn't it.

bigmomma051204

If her family are so affluent, it IS tradition for the brides family to pay for the wedding.......?? But seriously, would your families not help out at all?? And have you actually talked to HER about this?? Cos to be honest, everything you say about her, you sound rather derogatory! :cool:

And if you have never had a holiday together, then 2 days in a b&b by the coast sounds lovely. I would enjoy it for what it is...your first holiday together! You sound so unimpressed by that - why bother going at ALL??!?!?!? It is destined to be cr*p before you even get there with an attitude like that!

I shall be honest ( i may not be right!) but you actually sound rather unhappy in your relationship and i wonder if some kind of counselling might help....... or at the very least, a good, open and honest chat with your partner might be a bloo*y good idea! :eek:

dizziblonde

Ignoring the OP's issues... I'm actually quite insulted at some of the other comments about registry office weddings to be honest. I'm having one in a fortnight - and no it's not cheap and nasty and I find it incredibly insulting for some ignorant prejudiced snobbish people to sit there and label it as such.

It's not a collossal waste of money in an explosion of white satin-esque extravagance - but cheap and nasty's really quite a strong insult to hurl at it all. I have more of an issue with getting married in a church to be honest - I'm not religious, and I personally find all these people trotting off to the prettiest church they can find, promising all this stuff to a God they don't believe in - a tad hypocritical... but I'm not the one sat here sneering at their weddings (I've posted after being provoked). It's petty one-upmanship to sit and sneer at the weddings of others.

We're going the route we are because neither of us are big showy people, we don't want a full ceremony > breakfast > evening do thing - and we just want our family there, make our vows, have a meal together setup - it suits what we want, suits the budget we have, and no that doesn't make it cheap and nasty.

It's the second time in about as many weeks that we've had this sneering at registry office ceremonies creeping in on here - I didn't realize I was in an episode of Four Weddings and had to hand out scorecards. It's pathetic, it's insulting many posters' special days and - god just grow up with it all. Your wedding is perfect for you, my wedding is perfect for me - deal with it. Sometimes women (and I notice most jumping on the "oooh cheap and nasty" bandwagon are such) are their own flipping worst enemies.

sarah_elton

Well said dizzi, and for OP to give his other half the wedding she wants would mean getting into debt. I say good on him for wanting to do something within their means - something a lot of people these days could learn from. My parents got married in their local church and had a reception in my nan's lounge. It's what everyone they knew did in those days. It seems that now everyone expects to do the big wedding thing and the bottom line is that it's not something everyone can afford.

pretzelnut

I can see that the OP doesnt want to get himself into debt to be married, but i have seen many a wedding where they have scaled it down so they can get married now and then a few years later wished they had done it differently.

Of course getting married now doesnt alter the fact that you can renew it in however many years they way you want to should your finaces change, but regret will always stay with you if you or your OH settle for anything less than what you want.

Personnally, i would have a long, honest open chat, really decide what you both want, if you have to wait, wait. Neither of you should be forced into doing something your not happy with.

Marriage is all about give and take and compromise, at some point you will both have to do this.

You dont want a big wedding, she does. Neither of you will win this without the other feeling cheated, so you will have to reach a compromise that you can both live with for the rest of your lives.

mrscoles2be

Me and my OH didnt want the whole big wedding thing either, but we DID want to celebrate our day with everyone who we love. We are having a small church wedding with a low key reception afterwards with all our family and close friends. We haven't spent thousands, and I know we'll enjoy it much more, knowing that we're starting married life without getting into any debt. Just because a wedding is cheap... it doesn't make it nasty!!!

superfran_uk

I know a couple who live in a one bed council flat but took out a ten grand loan to pay for her wedding which has meant that they cannot save, not even a penny, as he is a builder and isn't getting much work and she has a part time minimum wage job and every penny goes on repaying the loan. She's now pregnant. Not sure that loan is looking so good in retrospect... In fact I'd be surprised if they stay together long enough to see it paid off...

Although the way you have put it across is very negative, it is never worth getting into debt over a wedding and your girlfriend obviously has unrealistic expectations. You could have a nice wedding for £1000 including a dress, flowers etc in a reg office - you could always ask parents put in say £500 each?