Does a registry office wedding look cheap an nasty?

Legacy_user

My and my OH have been together about 10 years, and engaged for 5, She always said she wouldn't get married in a registry office as she wants the full works with big reception etc as all her family have had this, its never registered that I'm the main wage earner and I earn slightly above min wage, all her siblings have at least one decent wage earner but not us, she seems to think one day it will happen, after 10 years it aint gonna happen,

So she is pregnant again and I told her I want to get married and we are doing it my way, My way involves, married in a registry office and just out for a meal, just me and her, inviting no one as can't afford to, and telling no one as don't want any gifts, but if someone catches on after the even then so be it.

Does this sound totally miserable on my part? The reality is its never gonna happen any other way, It doesn't bother me getting married in a registry office, I couldn't really give a !!!!!! what people think of me, but she tries to keep up with her family which we can't do.

jamespir

i dont think it cheapand nasty and u cna make it as nice as youw ant it to be

does it really matter where you get married as long as your both happy to marry each other

stef240377

No a registry office is not cheap and tacky. Has your OH even set foot inside one to get a feel for the place?

I married in October in a registry office however it was not the one in my home town as the situation of the place is just nasty, bang in the town centre with a pub either side of it. I travelled into the next city just 7 miles away for my wedding as not only is the building itself gorgeous but the grounds it is set in is outstanding.

We went from the registry office back to my home town for a reception in a hotel that had an amazing special offer on making it affordable for us at the time.

I wouldnt go telling your bride to be that your way is set in stone and there can be no compromise as it sounds too bullish but whatever you both decide i hope you have an amazing day.

Plans_all_plans

Your tone has already got my back up! I feel you are coming across badly in your post, but maybe you are just stressed out? A marriage is about compromise and taking the other persons view into account and at the moment you seem totally unwilling to compromise. If you want your fiancee to have the most miserable day ever then carry on as you are! A meal for just the two of you afterwards is really not what she's imagined for her wedding day!

If I were in your shoes, I'd sit down with her and say that if she's willing to have a registry office wedding (rather than in some fancy stately home), then you will be happy to have a buffet/meal out with selected guests afterwards. Arrange a list of people you both would like and try to find some workable compromise. Good luck.

Naf20

Not cheap and nasty at all! As Stef says there are some lovely registry offices. How about suggesting it to your OH and compromising in some way. She may want other people there so why not have the registry wedding with your nearest and dearest and then onto a nice pub/restaurant and whoever wants to come can join you. I'm sure your guests wouldn't mind paying for their meals and drinks....
The best of luck with the forthcoming baby and marriage!!

bubbles0169

when you told her it was your way what did she say?

System

bubbles0169 wrote: »

when you told her it was your way what did she say?

Same thing I said after she decided to stop taking the pill and get pregnant. Although I have come round to the idea, she will to.

mypie

My mum and step dad married 10 years ago in a reg office and we had a big buffet family dinner in a local club. 10 years on people are still talking about how much fun it was and tbh having BIG wedding doesn't make you anymore more married than a reg office wedding. we have met in the middle with ours as we didn't want a church wedding but h2b wanted a personal service. We managed to find a venue that suits us the the regtrar comes to it is cheaper than a church.

Sammy85_2

As suggested already..

Why dont you both go round your local registry office and those of the neighbouring towns and pick one that you both like. Our town has a beautiful registry office, but the next town has an office block looking building. Maybe yours is something like this and thats why she is so averse to it??

Or perhaps she wants a religious wedding? Even if not religious, to some people church feels like the "proper" place to get married, wrongly or rightly (im not getting into that discussion!)

So you cant afford the big reception that she wants, how about inviting close family and friends to the pub afterwards for a meal and everyone pay for their own? Im sure they will understand and wont want to miss out on such an important occasion.

At the end of the day, it is a marriage, that involves input from both sides and if she really isnt happy about your plans then she has two options, put her foot down and say no, or go along with you and you may find in later years she resents you for it as she never got the "special day" that most girls dream of (and which she obviously does)

Why do you feel the need to get married right now? You've been together 10 years quite happily, why fix something that isnt broken?

bubbles0169

no its not miserable on your part ikswym but i do think youll have to meet somewhere in the middle!
i know financially it might not be possible but have you worked out your statement of affairs to see where, if anywhere, you can cut back to save a bit to go to a 'nicer' restaurant after where other peops will pay their own way
have you checked on entitledto.co.uk to see if you can get any more help
can your partner do any part time work to save up for a bit extra on the day
she shouldnt need to keep up with her family but she should enjoy her wedding day

winnie81

Definately not! I had my wedding in a registry office and it was beautiful I always thought I'd have the big white wedding but with 4 kid, bills etc no way could I/would I justify the cost. We still had everything we would've had in a church all men in suits, bridesmaids, etc etc and our son gave me away I wanted a small wedding though and wanted the reception at home afterwards with marques in the garden :beer:

Our registry office is beautiful outside and in though and looked beautiful in our photos

http://www.gloucestershire.gov.uk/index.cfm?articleid=150&contactid=7842

I honestly think you can have a beautiful day still with a registry office ceremony and I think you both make the day no matter where you are and what you choose to do :beer:

Good Luck x