What next? The witch is still at it!

maggied_2

Hi All

I'm hoping you can help.

Some of you will know my situation but in summary (and I make no apology for the tone):

OH (we've been together 4 years) had a DD with a complete mentalist in 2001. They split up about a year later and since then she has been lying, manipulating, interfering, emotionally blackmailing and using her DD to make OH's life as difficult as possible. Millions of examples, none of which I'll go into here (I don't have the energy).

Would like to say for the record - OH pays his CM every month and has DD overnight 5 nights in a fortnight.

In Feb this year he took X to court as she had stopped us going on holiday at October half term and had also threatened to stop him seeing DD over Christmas.

In court it was decided that:

OH now had PR
OH would continue his current access
OH and X would share school holidays 50/50 with OH paying for childcare on the weeks DD is with us.

OH also requested that X no longer contact him directly and instead pass messages via X's mother (OH has always got on well with her). The CAFCASS rep agreed that this would definitely be best for DSD.

Anyway, no shock, X is behaving worse than ever (and all in front of DSD).

OH passed a letter outlining the plan for the following year with which nights each would have DD, also including a statement outlining how much he would pay towards childcare (based on the daily amount she gave minus the 80% refund we had to presume she receives seeing as she didn't let OH know in time what the amounts were).

She has gone crazy at this, saying OH can't dictate to her, that she hardly gets any discount towards CC and the most anyone can claim is 70%.

She's also said that she has informed the IR that she'll only be claiming for half the school holidays, meaning that OH will have to pay full price for childcare on 'his' weeks as he can't make a claim against it.

She's also become yet again very nasty and personal (mainly about me - apparently I'm erratic (not sure she understands what that means) and anorexic (not with my ar*e!!)).

So - can you help me with:

1. Childcare - is she right about the 70%? How can we find out what she's paying (she's refusing to say).

2. Bigger point - she's causing a real problem in our lives - someone knocked on the door unexpectedly the other night and we both froze in case it was her kicking off - that's no way to live.

She is still phoning and sending abusive texts. Worse still she gets her DD to call and then dictates nasty messages via her and then says "I'm not breaking any rules" - totally misunderstanding that the "no contact" rule was to protect her DD, not drag her even further into it :mad::mad::mad:.

What steps can we take? We're willing to throw anything at it - court, police whatever.

We have the slight problem in that OH is unable to change his phone number - he's a tradesman and will get calls from people he hasn't heard from for years, or people who have recommended him - and at the moment he certainly can't afford to miss out on that work.

He's going to get a phone that allows the Blacklist software to be downloaded but what else? We live close to X (and next to DSD's school) and moving any distance away would only affect OH's ability to be so involved in DD's life - plus all his family's here so it would feel again like she'd 'won'.

Sorry for the long post - congrats if you've got this far. Any suggestions very much appreciated

C xxx

daska

Have you mentioned these problems to the solicitor. My immediate thought was a non-molestation order.

Loopy_Girl

I've no suggestions as yet as I've only skimmed the post but jesus christ...it must be so bloody exhausting to be as bitter and evil as she is.

Well done to you and hubby for staying strong together and although you don't say it I would guess it's caused a bicker or two between you.

She is the quinnessential horror PWC which all the very very very small minded NRP think to tar us all with.

I'm just sending you kind thoughts and hugs just now and to convey my admiration for you and tomorrow I shall have a proper read and see if there's anything I can think of.

Stay strong and well done to hubby for fighting...I've always said it's the ones that walk away are the small minority.

LG xxx

maggied_2

Daksa - we really can't afford to use a solicitor again. Is there anyway to do this sort of thing directly with the courts?

LG - thank you for your kind words. I have said the same thing many times - I don't know how she finds the time or inclination to be such a tw*t!! Scuse the language, am still smarting from being called an erratic anorexic and a bad example to a young girl. Yes it has caused some problems between me and OH but it actually just makes us more determined to stand together - she won't find any space to wiggle into there!

I (we) just really need the stress of it all to end. It's no good for DSD and we're trying (without success) to get pregnant at the moment and I really don't think this can be helping. We're really desperate so anything that anyone can think of will be considered asd long as it's (mostly) legal!!

C xx

daska

Did you get on OK with CAFCASS. How about ringing them and asking for advice? I know we went back to ours a few times but then it did go on for over 2 years!

The WomensAid site has a good page on Non-molestation orders just ignore references to him and her (I'm pretty sure it's not gender specific)

CSA_Help

Maggied

If the text messages are abusive or threatening towrds you or your other half and causing fear and alarm the police will maybe act on this and have a word in her shell about it .

Maybe she will think twice about it .Although it's not her directly it still comes back to her mobile

alwayspuzzled

1/ from http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/TaxCreditsandChildBenefit/TaxCredits/Gettingstarted/whoqualifies/Childrenandtaxcredits/DG_073803
How much tax credit can you get?

You can get help with up to 80 per cent of your childcare costs - subject to a maximum limit in the amount of childcare costs you can claim each week.
If you pay childcare for:

• one child, the maximum childcare cost you can claim is £175 a week
• two or more children, the maximum cost you can claim is £300 a week

This means that the maximum help you can get for your childcare through tax credits is:

• £140 a week for one child
• £240 a week for two or more children

The actual amount you get will depend on your income - the lower your income, the more tax credits you can get.


2/ I would definately try going to the police. From personal experience they claim to have several avenues they can go to press charges etc, as long as you can prove its her that is sending the messages (this was our sticking point txts come from random numbers - basically disposable unregistered payg). It won't cost am thing other than your time. There was a local case here recently where a femaile X was sucessfully prosecuted for sending harrassing txts and emails.

I know exactly what you mean about being no way to live, I am constantly waiting for the next event/allegation, I know that for as long as we're together she'll persecute us as you say it makes you stonger but theres only so much a relationship can take and I've almost reached breaking point and we're now going to relate to try and get our relationship back. Well done on sticking together, its hard to understand why people are so evil - whats the point, what do they gain from it?

tabskitten

Gosh- hire a hitman?!

(better still do it yourself- cheaper and more gratifying.....)

maggied_2

Thanks all. I'll look into CAFCASS and the police. I had to speak to them once before when she turned up at the house and caused an awful scene (and now bitterly regret not calling them at the time).

The messages aren't threatening, just ranting and nasty - with the bile usually directed at me. Although looking at the message she sent last night she actually called me 'irratic' and anorexic so I guess she's just thick AND jealous - ho hum.

It all seems a bit impossible at the moment - we can't change her behaviour (she honestly sees nothing wrong in anything that she does)but can't get her out of our lives because of DSD. I woke up this morning with a huge knot in my stomach. I was thinking that if it was a man making a woman's life this miserable the police would have been involved a long time ago!!

Regarding the childcare - as I said she says she's informed IR that she's only going to be claiming for half the school holidays now - well seeing as that means we would have to pay full price for childcare we won't be able to afford to put DSD in. I seem to remember someone saying on here that CAFCASS would recommend that a child stay in the same childcare and so the PWC should make the claim on behalf of both parents and the NRP reimburse then (which is what most sane adults would do). Any thoughts on that?

I do really appreciate your help and tabs - are you offering? :D:D

ETA - the messages and calls do all come from one of her two phones (yes, she's so hard up she needs two!)

missmontana

Have you thought about contacting Jeremy Kyle? Seriously, he'd put her in her place!! :rotfl:

Sorry, its sounds like an awful situation. You'd think she'd have go bored by now, but there's obviously not much else going on in her life...

Are you keeping a diary of all the times she calls and text, its still harassment even if its not threatening.

Check out all options for childcare, even if you do have to pay, I'm sure you could find something affordable.

Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

daska

I found myself thinking about this early this morning. A bit of lateral thinking never hurts!

If mum is using childcare on a regular enough basis to be claiming money back from tax credits then she will have a contract with the the provider and it is a standard clause with most providers that you are liable for paying them for the same hours each week in order to retain the place, regardless of whether it is being used. Therefore, if she refuses to pay them she'll be in breach of contract and will lose her childcare.

The court order is that you will pay half the cost, i.e. not half of what the provider charges but half of what it actually costs the person paying the charges.

Stick to your guns. And if she won't provide the paperwork to demonstrate how much she actually pays and gets back from Tax Credits then tell her you'll organise your own childcare. That'll really p... her off because she'll still be liable for the whole cost of childcare for that week and not just half.

And... if she wants to take it back to court to demand that you pay full price while she gets a rebate then they will laugh at her

Here's the detail on how much she can potentially claim - would suggest you print off the direct.gov page and include it in any letter:

How much tax credit can you get?
You can get help with up to 80 per cent of your childcare costs - subject to a maximum limit in the amount of childcare costs you can claim each week.
If you pay childcare for:
one child, the maximum childcare cost you can claim is £175 a week
two or more children, the maximum cost you can claim is £300 a week
This means that the maximum help you can get for your childcare through tax credits is:
£140 a week for one child
£240 a week for two or more children
The actual amount you get will depend on your income - the lower your income, the more tax credits you can get.