Serious worries about financial past- can't keep going.

LittleMonkey16

I couldn't go home you see- I'm estranged from my parents (hence my having lived with my grandfather, who died around this time). I'm not trying to say that it isn't ALL my fault, because it is. But I had nowhere else to go, and no-one I could talk to about it. No-one to lend me any cash. Things started to look up when I managed to get a great part-time job- I even managed to graduate eventually, albeit having to re-take a year. I had no choice really. I was getting all of the support I was entitled to.

MyLastFiver

No need to explain! It was just my little joke. Sorry.








<humour failed: There must be another way to cheer this bird up>

LittleMonkey16

I think I'm explaining to myself rather than you to be honest. You've been extremely non-judgemental, all of you.

superwoman28

just like you said yourself-you dont believe you deserve happiness-and you do!
agree with everyone here in that you have no need to worry about cheques from 5 years ago-they would have been honoured.
try focusing on the good things when bad thoughts come into your mind-its not easy but keep doing it.it worked well for me.
maybe asking your gp for help with the anxiety?even someone to talk too when you need it.

kezia_jay

I like your user name, Little Monkey, it sounds like you have a sense of humour. With any luck when this mood passes you will laugh at your worries. I have a habit of finding something to worry about especially when there ISN'T anything to worry about. In the meantime, HUGS to you.

LittleMonkey16

I've been having a lot of trouble with it lately- I've been finding it difficult to function and that's a vicious circle. I react to difficulties by controlling food (I find it helps me to deal when other stuff is a bit anarchic)- so I'm also pretty low on energy. My GP has helped me to regulate my sleep pattern which has helped a lot. Of course, dealing with creditors is always a soul destroying experience and doesn't help, but I go to CAB and they're brilliant. It's like I said- I thought things were, on balance at least, on the way up- but then I started having these 'what if' thoughts about these cheques (another one I get a lot is 'what if I have debts that I've just forgotten about'- isn't very likely I know!).

I worry if I'm not worrying.

smileyt_2

Hi Littlemonkey

I really feel for you cos I've suffered with depression too.

I do think that in terms of money and debt it sounds like you have it under control, which is a fantastic achievement - well done!

Could you go and see your doctor about your mental health? Or find a local support group for people who suffer mood swings? Or get yourself on the list for counselling/psychotherapy (which takes ages to come through but if you get yourself on the list now at least you'll know there may be support on its way). Please don't think of suicide. I was suicidal some years ago, and luckily for me my lodger came home just before I was about to act. I am so grateful that he did - I would have missed out on so much love and happiness otherwise. Your life is precious and you are worth a lot. Please take care of yourself.

I wish you well with your future. No more chicken licken!

LittleMonkey16

You've all been so very supportive, and have made me feel a lot better- thank you. I know these feelings of impending doom will come back, but for now you've made me see things a bit more clearly. I can see that it's highly unlikely any of these what ifs are going to happen- I've made no deliberate attempt to avoid anyone to whom I owe money, and it wouldn;t be difficult for a creditor to find me.

niccatw

LittleMonkey16 wrote: »

I've been having a lot of trouble with it lately- I've been finding it difficult to function and that's a vicious circle. I react to difficulties by controlling food (I find it helps me to deal when other stuff is a bit anarchic)- so I'm also pretty low on energy. My GP has helped me to regulate my sleep pattern which has helped a lot. Of course, dealing with creditors is always a soul destroying experience and doesn't help, but I go to CAB and they're brilliant. It's like I said- I thought things were, on balance at least, on the way up- but then I started having these 'what if' thoughts about these cheques (another one I get a lot is 'what if I have debts that I've just forgotten about'- isn't very likely I know!).

I worry if I'm not worrying.

Gosh Littlemonkey, I thought I was reading about me for a second! I do exactly the same! I'm now taking tablets for the anxiety, which have done wonders (eventually) for my confidence and motivation. I'm now going to the gym and the regualr exercise is helping... the eating is still variable and the sleeping patterns ridiculous! But I'm due to go to counselling soon (guess what I'm currently obsessively worrying about!?) and will hopefully be back at work soon too... I did have to go to my GP surgery a few times until I found a GP that I felt comfortable with.

I now try to "breath", focus on the positive and send the worries to my worry dolls! Doesn't always work, but I'm now contolling it more than it is controlling me. I'd definitely recommend finding a professional you can trust and talk to! I now want to work on recognising when I'm getting into the viscious circle and what strategies I can use to get out of there before it pulls me in!

I hope you can find a way to help that works for you. Take care honey, big hugs

superwoman28

great advice-i too am on meds and they have worked brilliantly for me.My life before was totally dictated by my worries about anything and everything!
feel i have my life back and its a great feeling!!!of course there are times when i do get absorbed into my old patterns but you just have to focus on something else-no matter how hard it seems and things will get easier
glad we have all lifted your spirits littlemonkey xxx