Serious worries about financial past- can't keep going.

LittleMonkey16

I'm hoping that someone will be able to help me. This has been eating away at me for a while and I feel like it's about to break me to be honest. I've been contemplating taking my own life recently, and I'm really struggling to function. I've worked hard to get myself into a better situation after getting into financial trouble while I was an undergraduate. Until recently, things were looking up (I'm still paying off creditors, and will be for a while, but I *only* owe £3500 in total now, compared with the +£5K I owed at the beginning of 2006. It's all unsecured, I have no assets (no home, no car, nothing of any remarkable value), and I'm now paying £100 a month off of the total, so I'm well on my way. My habits are completely reformed, and I have a job with good prospects, even if it doesn't pay all that well, it's a lot more than some less fortunate folk have.

The trouble is that I've been mentally ill for about 6 years now. I have severe mood swings and am currently fighting an eating disorder. A massive part of the reason for my original debt problem was that I had an almost complete mental breakdown during university- I hit the bottle, didn't have a job, stopped going to classes, and lost my grandfather with whom I'd lived as a teenager. The only good that came out of that time was that during the mess I met my lovely partner- he's the only good thing about me and the reason I don't want this to come to suicide. I don't want to leave him on his own. I know he could cope (he's a lot more sensible and capable than me and doesn't depend on me at all) but the idea of leaving him forever makes me so sad. During this horrible time in my life I had no money coming in and was essentially living on credit. At one time I was waiting for my loan payment to come through and was having to write cheques at the supermarket for food which I knew would take me over my authorised overdraft. I don;t have my bank statements from this time, and the account in question has now gone to a debt collector and is being paid off. I'm not sure if these cheques were ever honoured. What's frightening me is that if these weren't honoured, I'm not sure whether I would ever have been told, and whether I owe the supermarkets in question money as a result, or how to find out or anything. I'm terrified that I could go to prison for this. I never heard from either the bank or from the shops about this, so until now I've assumed that they were honoured- that if they hadn't been, the supermarket would have made some attempt to contact me for payment? I don't want to avoid what I owe, I'm not looking for ways of avoiding this, I just don;t know what to do. it's all such a mess, particularly as no paperwork exists for this time (we're talking about 2005 at the latest). It's been playing on my mond recently, I seem to worry about everything all of the time. I can't help but fix on the worst case scenario.

Can anyone give me any advice on what I need to do here? The cheques were always taken with a cheque guarantee card which I thought at the time would be enough to at least secure the funds for the store- I just thought that this would mean bank charges and an unauthorised overdraft for me, but now I'm not so sure.

I feel so ashamed. I don;t think I'll ever get over the shame, but I want to make this right. I had to eat.

I'm not sure that I can go on like this much longer. I feel like it's always something. I've looked around me and my twenties have disappeared in a fog of misery and debt and struggle and sadness. My life has just gone in a puff of smoke and I feel vacuous.

MyLastFiver

The guaranteed cheques are just that - your bank will have honoured them. This is why no retailer accepts non-guaranteed cheques. Chin up - you're not going to be in trouble with the law.

MyLastFiver

Oh and as for your debt, misery and disappearing twenties, don't worry about it. You made mistakes in your youth and learned a valuable lesson you will not repeat into your thirties, unlike some of us muppets You have actually stood yourself in good stead for a secure and responsible future.

Oh and once you do get into your 30s, things really do start to look brighter. You have greater earning power, you're happier in your own skin and you have more life experience, which means that you get your problems into proportion rather than worry yourself sick about them.

You'll be laughing about all this one day, although I appreciate that's difficult for you to see at the moment.

LittleMonkey16

Thank you, MyLastFiver- not just for what you've said, but the fact you bothered to respond. I have read that this isn;t always the case though- that some banks will dishonour a cheque regardless. What way do shops proceed if a bank won't honour the cheque? Will they have found some way of contacting me- through my bank, for example? I'd go in person to every store I ever gave a cheque to to check this out if I thought they'd even have a record of it- I don;t want to dodge this and I want everyone I owe to have what I owe them. I am disgusted that I ever let this happen, but I feel like I wasn't in control of my affairs at the time- looking back, it surprises me I'm still here.

LittleMonkey16

I don't want to go on like this really.

superwoman28

hi there
after reading your post i felt i had to reply.you have done so well in managing your debts and to feel so low is such a pity.i have suffered from depression and anxiety so can understand a little of how you must be feeling.please dont even think suicide would be an option-your life is precious and you say you have a supportive partner who would be devastated if anything happened.i am sure you dont realise how much he needs you as you need him.
you should be proud that you have dealt with your debts and are on the road to being debt free.a great accomplishment!
as for your worries about past debts.cheques-i am sure they would have been included when the debt company took them over.if not they wouldnt have had any trouble finding you-and for this reason i think you have nothing to worry about at all.the cheques would have been returned to you if they hadnt honoured them-so after 5 years i think you can put this worry to rest.
i can understand how this has become a major worry for you.i have suffered acutely with anxiety and found that i would focus on one problem obsessively until it became all i could think about and all logic would fly out the window.maybe this is how you are feeling?
your life appears to be going well-ie debt going down,good partner etc but maybe in the back of your mind you are thinking something is going to happen to mess it all up and this is where you are focusing on the past debt problems.
i really hope that i have offered some support to you-you are not alone.suffering from mental illness is a constant battle sometimes-but please remember how well you are doing.i really wish you all the best and please dont think there is only one option to solve this worry-you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about-nothing whatsoever. xx

mamajojo

Oh LittleMonkey, I am sure sure sure that you will have had unauthorised od charges and the stores will have had their money....though I am not an expert, but have done exactly what you said, used the cheque guarantee card to pay for the food shop when I knew there wasn't room left on the od. If the cheques hadn't been honoured the bank would have let you know about it, very quickly, so please try to forget this worry.

I think you are making it right, you're paying off your debt and making progress with that, of which you should be proud. DOn't feel shame, there are so many of us facing and dealing with our debts, I'm a newbie here, just facing up to our debts, so sorry not the best person to reply, but didn't want to not after I'd read your post. I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

MyLastFiver

What way do shops proceed if a bank won't honour the cheque?

They would re-present the cheque until it cleared.

There is no way they would pursue you personally for payment. Firstly, they don't know who you are, and it would be illegal for your bank to tell them. Secondly, it would be uneconomical for them to chase everyone who bounced a cheque for a packet of Sugar Puffs. Thirdly - it would be impossible for them to prove that you acted illegally, rather than mistakenly. Fourthly - all this happened years and years ago and if Lord Sainsbury were going to turn up on your doorstep, he would have done it by now. Fifthly - your bank DID honour the cheques.

Forgive me for getting personal but you do seem to be worrying irrationally about this. I can see it's something you're not proud of, but file it in your mind in that little "stuff I'm not proud of" drawer, and look to the future.

LittleMonkey16

You describe how I feel very well, superwoman28- my partner is always telling me that I remind him of Chicken Licken, worrying that the sky is going to fall on our heads. I just can't believe my life is getting better, and no matter how hard I try I can't convince myself that I deserve it. It must sound so stupid that I'm worrying about things from 5 years ago- the logical part of my brain is telling me that if there was any problem here I would have been approached for the funds by now. It's just that I've read horror stories about this sort of thing- I never intended that the cheques would not be honoured, and I was expecting a loan payment in my account around the time. It wasn't as if I was drawing cheques on a closed account.

LittleMonkey16

I do worry obsessively, MyLastFiver, I think that's fair comment. I know they must have been guaranteed cheques because I find it hard to believe large supermarket chains would take a cheque without a guarantee card- most of them don;t take them at all now do they?

MyLastFiver

LittleMonkey16 wrote: »

I find it hard to believe large supermarket chains would take a cheque without a guarantee card- most of them don;t take them at all now do they?

Correct. Otherwise, everyone would do what you did :rotfl: