Ex-wife refusing access to my daughter

Zazen999

Basically she doesn't want you to be alone with your daughter - probably as you will find out your daughter hasn't said a word about your GF slapping her.

maggied_2

If your X is anything like my OH's then she's stirring for no better reason than she can.

Mummy_jay - it may not be that DD doesn't like new GF - she may just be telling her mum what she thinks she wants to hear.

My DSD (who I get on with brilliantly) told her mum that I hit her once. I was mortified - I'd done no such thing! It now transpires than her mum bad mouths me all the time and I have seen that DSD doesn't even dare talk to me if her mother is present.

OP - your X is manipulating you by keeping DD and GF apart. You are entitled to a life beyond her. Sorry but she needs to get over herself - unfortunately this is what happens when a relationship breaks down. Would she expect to have to report to you if she had a new BF? She's jealous and trying to control you (I speak from bitter experience).

BTW unless she can prove your daughter is at risk she can't keep them apart. Unless you're the sort of person who has new girlfriends all the time she cannot do this. If your GF is looking like a permanant fixture and DD is not at risk because of her then X cannot dictate who she spends time with when she's with you.

She's ok moving in with someone who has two children and then dictates to you where and when you can spend time with your daughter? Sounds like she hasn't properly moved on.

beckett110

Just to clarify as Ive probably waffled a lot, the 3 kids are all my ex's, they all have different dads. The oldest she had before we got together, my daughter is the middle one and she has another child from her current partner who she is engaged to. She moved him in pretty quick after we split which was hard to get my head around but thankfully my friends and family have helped me to deal with that and I have never caused any problems about that.

My daughter refers to her bf as dad quite a but and I think that is due to my ex wife. My daughter has said things which I dont like the sound of such as she gets smacked when she wets her knickers, which would explain why she doesn't like to admit when she has accidents but again my family have warned me not to overreact to things like this which has helped me keep the situation manageable.

My ex wife isnt all bad though as over the last year I have changed jobs a couple of times and she has been really flexible with changing days when I see my daughter which has really helped and I do appreciate. Since january my car has been off the road and I have now got rid of it and my ex wife agreed to drop my daughter off at mine in return for some extra petrol money on top of my CSA contributions which again has helped and as a result of this co-operation has made me try to avoid getting into arguments as it doesnt help anyone.

I cant imagine it would do her relationship any good having me around spending time with my daughter as it will probably make her bf feel uncomfortable so maybe it would help by agreeing to it. I dont want to cause any problems with her I just want to be able to spend time with my daughter as she is the most important person in all of this.

RAS

beckett110 wrote: »

. Since january my car has been off the road and I have now got rid of it and my ex wife agreed to drop my daughter off at mine in return for some extra petrol money on top of my CSA contributions which again has helped and as a result of this co-operation has made me try to avoid getting into arguments as it doesnt help anyone.

Just maybe that is at the root of her decision to demand that you visit your DD at her house right now. The extra money may not make up for the hassle?

beckett110

I wondered that myself but Im quite walking down there and getting the bus back with my daughter but my ex didnt like me doing that for some reason.

mummy_Jay

beckett110 wrote: »

I cant imagine it would do her relationship any good having me around spending time with my daughter as it will probably make her bf feel uncomfortable so maybe it would help by agreeing to it. I dont want to cause any problems with her I just want to be able to spend time with my daughter as she is the most important person in all of this.

This is the bit that makes me wonder if there is truth in what she's told you. As in truth in that something has been said by DD. What ever the reason (she's getting muddled with something she saw on tv, she wants more time with daddy or its what she thinks mum likes to hear) this has to be delt with carefully. Children don't always tell you something on the day it happens, for many different reasons that doesn't automatically mean nothing happened.

There seems to be alot of negativity and wanting to blame your ex, the ex witch hunt is very easy to start but the one that gets most hurt is the kid. Try to go in with the attitude of OK there's an issue how can we work together to resolve it. Otherwise you could discount something real and it grow into a far worse problem.

beckett110

My ex actually told me that my daughter had spent all Friday night crying about this which is why I would have thought that my ex would have got in touch sooner and when I spoke to her on the Monday she never mentioned about my gf supposedly slapping her she just said my daughter had said something and she wasn’t allowing her to go with me and I wasn’t able to ask questions as I was at work.


The main reason there is a lot of negativity towards my ex is because she has told me so many lies in the past I don’t know what to believe by this I mean things that I know to be true but that she has always denied. I’m trying to go in with the attitude of working around the problem in case she has said something but the problem is if I ask too many questions then she will get confused, I know this from experience and I don’t want her to feel like she is being punished for any of this.

After much consideration I have agreed to visit her tonight at her mums as I really want to see her and I also believe that it will give me a better idea of whether anything has been said by my daughter as she normally asks where my gf is and if she doesn’t want to see her then I’ll be surprised if she asks. I think it will be very uncomfortable being there but I maintain contact with my daughter no matter what.

I will update this thread after I have seen my daughter tonight.

Gemsgalore

beckett110 wrote: »

My ex actually told me that my daughter had spent all Friday night crying about this which is why I would have thought that my ex would have got in touch sooner and when I spoke to her on the Monday she never mentioned about my gf supposedly slapping her she just said my daughter had said something and she wasn’t allowing her to go with me and I wasn’t able to ask questions as I was at work.


The main reason there is a lot of negativity towards my ex is because she has told me so many lies in the past I don’t know what to believe by this I mean things that I know to be true but that she has always denied. I’m trying to go in with the attitude of working around the problem in case she has said something but the problem is if I ask too many questions then she will get confused, I know this from experience and I don’t want her to feel like she is being punished for any of this.

After much consideration I have agreed to visit her tonight at her mums as I really want to see her and I also believe that it will give me a better idea of whether anything has been said by my daughter as she normally asks where my gf is and if she doesn’t want to see her then I’ll be surprised if she asks. I think it will be very uncomfortable being there but I maintain contact with my daughter no matter what.

I will update this thread after I have seen my daughter tonight.

Sorry you are having this problem Beck, but just wanted to say well done for putting your own feelings aside to maintain contact with your daughter.

Personally I think she may well have seen someone hit a child on a tv programme, I remember mine acting things out after watching them. Who knows, kids don't generally lie, but do gets things muddled which can cause a lot of heartache. Hope visit goes well.

tandraig

Actually Becket, upon reflection you have been given an unique opportunity here.....you can observe your daughter in her home.......that very few divorced men have had.
you can see how she interacts with her step-dad if he is there. what about the state of the house? is it fairly clean and tidy? does she have her own bed? her own space? toys etc? her step-siblings too, do they get on? what is the atmosphere like? allowing for the fact you are there? if you feel anything is 'off' write it all down.
it worries me that she said her step dad slaps her for having accidents in her panties - most step-dads would be very reluctant to do this - because social services would certainly frown on that.........if its true. but at age three - I find it rather hard to believe she is making that up - but possible.
I think what I am saying is that while you are at exes - keep your eyes and ears open and use your senses.
I hope your visit with your daughter goes well and will check back later to see if you post!

gratefulforhelp_2

beckett I think in your situation I would want to

1. see my daughter at all cost, regardless of where, as a better option than not seeing her

2. protect my daughter at all costs, from a safeguarding point of view, one should not dismiss what the child may be saying, just think how dreadful you would feel if it turned out to be true.