Ex-wife refusing access to my daughter

beckett110

I dont think I'd go for residency (custody) as I dont think I'd be given residency as I think I'd have to have a really good case to be given it and at present I'd just be happy to be able to see her more regularly without it having to be on mky ex wifes terms.

robpw2

beckett110 wrote: »

I dont think I'd go for residency (custody) as I dont think I'd be given residency as I think I'd have to have a really good case to be given it and at present I'd just be happy to be able to see her more regularly without it having to be on mky ex wifes terms.

yes i can see that - in the mean time can i suggest that you follow her terms just so the court will see that you have a relationship with your child and that you have been willing to follow terms - because they will decide ultimatley whats best for your child etc

DVardysShadow

It looks to me like ex has it in for gf. It is not going to be easy, but I would think about not letting gf meet child for a few years until child is able to give a coherent account of events. Of course, keep this quiet and let ex come forward with all the tales she can about gf.

Little_Miss_Winner

beckett110 wrote: »

Ive got to admit I wasnt sure whether I had made the right move in refusing to go round to her house to see my daughter but she lives with her fiance and her 2 other kids 1 of which is his and I know that I would feel realy uncomfortable being made to see my daughter in that environment. Its killing me because I dont think I can win no matter what I do.

I would say that she is probably calling your bluff, and you have fell for it! I can't think of any reason at all, why she (her fella) and 2 other children, would want you round at hers all weekend! I'm sure her fiance wouldn't be that thrilled with the idea?

So I would say, go along with it, if thats what she wants... My gut instinct is she may change her mind quicker than you think.

Also, in doing as she has said, will, as others said, stand you in good stead with the courts.

Good Luck!

Pee

I would say accept access however she offers it, because as someone else said it'll be just as much a nuisance to them, and speak to your solicitor and keep ensuring that contact is sorted.

I would be a little bit careful that there is no truth in the allegations, although I have to say I would be very surprised if there were. I think this sort of reaction is fairly frequent in the circumstances.

Whatever you do, do not let her stop you having access, as the last thing you want to do is lose your child.

pinkmoonshine

Not sure whether this will help but there are plenty of websites out there that help you make your own applications for contact, residence PR etc for children that cost a fraction of what a solicitor will charge you. And if the court proceedings get really difficult you can always instruct a solicitor at that point. Have a look at diyfamilylaw.co.uk

As for the allegation against your G/F. At first the court is likely to say that your daughter and G/F are not to come into contact with each other when you see your daughter if your ex wants to pursue the allegation. CAFCASS may be involved by the court and will speak to your daughter to see what she says about the incident (if anything). It is very unlikely the allegation will have any detrimental effect on your G/Fs career. Allegations like this are commonplace and the courts will only spend time investigating the most serious ones.

You do need to start seeing your daughter asap so it might be worth asking your ex to have some visiting contact on the basis she won't be brought into contact with your G/F for now.

Hope this helps

mummy_Jay

If you take the assumption not everything your ex does is on purpose to cause trouble and that your DD actually said your GF slapped her. Do you still feel her request to move access to her own house for the time being so she knows her DD will not come into contact with your GF is that unreasonable, as a knee jerk gut reaction?

The impression I get from some of your comments is that your DD doesn't like your GF for what ever reason, it maybe she feels that GF is taking daddy away from her as she's now around when its HER time with daddy, so she's telling tales.

Your knee-jerk reaction has been solicitor, again understandable but maybe it's worth not rushing down this path quite yet. Give it a couple of weeks visiting at the mothers home, so you can talk to your DD and find out whats going on. If she really doesn't like GF, it will give you chance to address it and think through how you will handle it (maybe she needs reassurance, maybe she needs to know thats her time and GF is around less in that time, only you will be able to work out the right course fo action once you know whats in her head). May be even after a few weeks your ex will agree to you taking her down the park or out for a few hours, just you and your DD. It your ex can see you have a genuinely good relationship with DD and that your willing to take the time to understand her worries and work with your ex to aleviate them, maybe you can build a better line of communication, who knows?

What I'm trying to say is by taking the softly approach you may benefit more and even gain a better line of communication, by going in all guns blazing with solicitors everytime you have a problem can do more damage in the long term.

BitterAndTwisted

I think the suggestion of agreeing to meet your daughter at her mother's home for the time being is a good one for the reasons already given.. Once the mother agrees for you to have your daughter visit you at your own home again, I think you should consider very seriously not encouraging your g/f to be present at all. Who knows what conflicts are going on in this little girl's mind and what she may be hearing at home? It's very easy to accept anything and everything a small child says at face-value if that's what you want to hear but naturally they are much too young to understand the consequences of what they say, even if they have said it. I certainly wouldn't believe everything a three year-old says as the compete and unvarnished objective truth or I really would believe that there are green dragons under the bed at night.

Zazen999

Two things stick out like a sore thumb here;

If you haven't left your DD with your GF - then how exactly has she slapped her and when?

What's all this about taking a CV off your Ex and stopping her from getting a job?

Sorry, but your GF seems to be the target of this person's vindictive nature and you need to sort it and find out what exactly the issue is. It seems alot has happened since your Ex met your GF that wasn't happening before; coincidence?

beckett110

Thanks for all your advice so far.
When I said to my ex wife that I hadn’t left my daughter with my gf she just said “I’m fed up of you calling her (meaning my daughter) a liar” and then hung up on me.

My ex said a couple of weeks ago that she knows my gf doesn’t like her as she stopped her from getting a job. When I asked what she meant she explained that she had given her CV to my gf and that my gf had stopped her from getting the job but when she said where my gf works, neither of us have ever heard of the place so she is obviously mistaken but wouldnt listen to me when I told her that my gf didnt work there.

I am scared that if I agree to visit my daughter at her home that my ex will try and make me stick to that permanently as she has already said that she is never going near my gf and she is stubborn enough to try and stick to that.


I contacted my ex wife today to ask if I could see my daughter at my brothers house which is what he had initially agreed when we split up as she came out with all sorts of allegations about me at the time. My daughter always loves going to my brothers as she gets to play with her cousin who she loves to bits. Anyway when I suggested it to my ex wife she initially said that she doesn’t want my gf around her so I assured her that she wouldn’t be there which is true as I just want to see my daughter while we work through the problems. After a bit more reassuring my ex then changed her story to say that my daughter doesn’t want to go anywhere with me and that she wants me to go round there.

Since we split up I have only been inside the house once so I don’t think my daughter would suggest this. Anyway I am pretty certain that if my ex would have suggested going to my brothers that she would jump at the chance which increases my belief that my ex is just trying to be obstructive but she keeps saying that her solicitor told her to do this. I am seriously considering going round tomorrow so I can still get to see my daughter and hopefully when talking to my daughter I may to be able to get a better insight into what is going on with her and whether she has said the things that my ex wife has told me.

I personally think that my ex is getting jealous because my gf spends time playing with my daughter and she might be going home telling her mum this as we were both sat playing with her the last time I had her and when it came to going home she wanted to stay longer and it was later that night that she supposedly said this to her mum.


If I was in my ex wifes position and my daughter had said that her bf had slapped her then it wouldn’t have taken me 3 days to raise the issue with her and every other time she raises issues I usually get a phone call shortly after she has got home to tell me what has been said. I’m trying to be as rational as I can in any decision that I make and I would like to be able to discuss it with my ex wife but when I tried speaking to her the other day she just hung up on me and isn’t willing to consider anything that I suggest.