Ex-wife refusing access to my daughter

beckett110

Firstly I dont know if this is in the right place so I'm sorry if its not. I really need some help as I dont know know what to do next.

Yesterday my ex wife refused to let me see my daughter unless I agreed to see her at her house. I live my girlfriend of 12 months and have done for 3 months and during that time my ex wife has allowed see my daughter at home. During this time she has said various different things that my daughter has gone home and supposedly said to her, now my daughter is 4 in a couple of months and her speech isnt great and I still struggle to understand some of the things that she says but my ex wife keeps coming out with huge stories that my daughter has come up with. My ex wife initially refused to let me intrduce my daughter to my girfriend but a few months ago she agreed after meeting her for herself.

The latest thing that kicked off yesterday is that my daughter has supposedly to my ex wife said that my girlfriend slapped her, this apparantly happened on friday but it took my ex wife till monday to raise any issues over this when she mentioned that my daughter had said something but didnt go into what it was. Today after I called my ex wife to tell her that I will not agree to see my daughter round her house as that was not what we had agreed with the solicitors.

I have got an appointment with my solicitor on monday to arrange to apply for a contact order for my daughter but another thing that is threatening to cause huge problems is that my girlfriend is a nursery nurse and could potentially lose her job over these allegations. I know that she has not slapped my daughter as I was always in the room with them both and my daughter never raised this with me and never even cried during the time that I had her. This is starting to cause problems with me and my girlfriend as she is scared of losing her job and I dont really know what I can do about of this.

This is just a brief summary of what has happened so please feel free to ask anything else, I really need some advice as this is killing me. Not only am I unable to see my daughter but my girlfriend is hardly talking to me at present and I need to put a stop to these accusations before they get out of hand.

tandraig

I am not sure I can offer any practical advice, but I couldnt read and run.
firstly, you are doing the right thing by seeing your solicitor, but in the meantime not seeing your daughter may set a dangerous precedent - I would abide by your exes wishes for now and go round to see your little girl. otherwise there is a danger your daughter will think you dont love her anymore.
its a serious accusation for your girlfriend though, and the only advice i can give is - how likely is it that her work will hear of this? if there is a chance that they could then I would advise her to tell her boss that her bfs ex is trying to make trouble for her by claiming child abuse.......(is there any chance this could be what your ex is doing?). the thing is though that i dont think that her workplace could actually fire or suspend her becuase of unsubstantiatd rumours so she could just keep quiet if she wanted to.
I feel sorry for both of you - i hope this situation can be put right very soon.
good luck

Nadstar

Hiya,

Not much help, but don't underestimate the stories. My daughter is nearly three and since being introduced to her dad's new GF barely speaks about her and every single time she does, it is something negative (I have never asked about her and don't speak about her in front of DD) For example, a friend of a friend came over to cut my hair, and DD launched into a HUGE diatribe about how much she doesn't like the GF and how GF shouts at her and hides daddy?!?! Went on for about 5 mins!!!

From the mum's persective, this is a bit of a no-win-situ. I can't leave it as I'm obviously not happy about it, but if I do bring it up, I get told that I am manipulating her or lying?!

Can you and her mum not chat with your daughter together about the incident? Try and get to the bottom of it?

Sorry... Like I said, little help.

XXX

PS. Was a step-mum for about 7 years, a thankless and very dificult task!! x

busiscoming2

Very difficult situation. You are doing the right thing by speaking to your solicitor. Perhaps for now you could either go to your dd's house to see her or perhaps the mother will let you take dd out somewhere instead. Does your dd stay over or is it just a day visit?

beckett110

Well she spoke to her boss at work today and explained what is going on and her boss said that it could go against her. My girlfriend mentioned that if any of the kids at nursery say things like this then they have to follow it up but im not quite sure how far they can take this as she is only 3 and there is no proof of anything and this was never mentioned to me. My daughter is a really well behaved child and she is easily upset so I know she would have cried if anything had happened as she only has to be told no and she gets upset.

My ex knows that my girlfriend works in a nursery and I think she might be saying this to cause problems whether thats at work or between me and and her I dont know but either way it could be working.

Ive got to admit I wasnt sure whether I had made the right move in refusing to go round to her house to see my daughter but she lives with her fiance and her 2 other kids 1 of which is his and I know that I would feel realy uncomfortable being made to see my daughter in that environment. Its killing me because I dont think I can win no matter what I do.

My ex wife has previously said that my girlfriend stopped her from getting a job after she gave her CV to my girlfriend but when she said the place that she works if wasn't where my girlfriend works so she was obviously lying or mistaken. She also mentioned that she saw my girlfriend while shopping before Christmas and apparantly my girlfriend told her to F*** off but it took her 2 months to tell me about this and my girlfriend has no recollection of this and doesnt even think she would recognise her if she saw her again.

I dont understand where this is coming from as my daughter has never had any problems with my girlfriend. My ex wife has mentioned all sorts of other things that my daughter has supposedly said as well.

beckett110

I only have my daughter for a few hours at a time as my ex wife has never allowed me to have her overnight but if I can get a court order I will request to have her every other weekend so I get to spend more quality time with her.

My daughter is never alone with my girlfriend due to the hours that she works. My daughter has supposedly said really nasty things to my ex wifes fiance that I had supposedly said but she never went into what was said.

Another thing that was said previously is that my girlfriend had said to my daughter that her mum was nasty and I asked her about this when my ex wife dropped her off and she said that I was in the room when she said it and I would have remembered if my girlfriend has said anything about my ex while my daughter was in the room as I wont have anything like that said while she is around.

pigpen

My children come back from their dads with horrific tales of what his gf has done.. screeched at them, called them names, she is ugly and smelly... then they go to his and tell him my OH is mean to them and shouts at them and takes everything off them and is an ogre..

Basically they tell both parents exactly what they think they want to hear.. it would be a huge betrayal of mum to like your gf.

If I was your gf I'd say to the school staff 'You won't believe what the evil woman is saying DD said.. !!!' There is no evidence therefore no action can be taken.. so she need not worry about her job.

Seeing the solicitor is the right step I think.. also tell him of these stupid allegations the ex is making.. she sounds a bit childish to me.

It'll all turn out in the end!!

Lance

I do not think it was wise to get girlfriends employer involved unless Police had been informed as it puts them in a very awkward position about what, if anything, to do and they may forsee this escalating and bad publicity / aggravation for them. If it did escalate they could be asked what they did about the 'allagation' considering the type of work she does. A bit late but girlfriend should tell them it's all blown over and was nothing and hopefully that will cover them dismissing it.

beckett110

My ex is very childish and the only good thing that came out of the relationship is my daughter. When we split up she made all sorts of accusations about me but it was all done through her solicitor to mine. She insisted that I couldnt take my daughter out of her house which made things very uncomfortable for me and the only way we could sort the access out was through the solicitors.

I hate the fact that she we cant agree on access between ourselves and that we have to arrange it through solicitors but I've been too soft for too long and now I'm settled in with my girlfriend my daughter can have her own room to sleep in rather than sharing with her 2 brothers at her mums.

pigpen

Are you considering going for custody based on her sharing with the brothers?

robpw2

pigpen wrote: »

Are you considering going for custody based on her sharing with the brothers?

He wont get custody ... or access from a court


the terms changed to contact and residency
thus contact doesnt mean allowing child to stay it allows contact could be a telephone call allowing child to visit or allowing father to visit etc

and residecny is where the child is a resident

sorry but i just thought id put my law relating to the children module to some use:rotfl::rotfl: