My lodger's boyfriend is outstaying his welcome

diable

Ask him for £10 every time he wants to stay over ;p

Goodwill_2

Thank you for all your suggestions, very much appreciated. BF staying over at weekends is a good one.

I am definitely going to tackle this tomorrow when she's home. Think she went away tonight to give me some space as I haven't seen her since the incident (3 AM visit) so she knows I'm annoyed. I've already told her we need to talk so she knows its coming.

I'm sure it will all work out in the end, will definitely take your advice pinkshoes about a written agreement. I didn't want to go there but people even your good friends take advantage, I will keep it informal as it probably is not legally binding, it's just a way to say what you want from the arrangement.

muskoka

Sorry,but I've rented rooms out over the years and always specify 'no overnight stay's. At the end of the day, its your home & your rules. Don't be walked all over

AlwaysHappy

I once rented a room and was not allowed to have anyone to stay, at the end of the day, the person I lodged with was great and it was their house after all, they didn't take the mickey out of me either and I was charged reasonable rent. It is your house and if she doesn't like it she needs to consider other avenues.

WhiteHorse

The situation is clearly out of hand.

What tends to happen in these situations is that they become increasingly aggressive.

You can speak to her and set rules, but are you confident that they will be adhered to? Not just by her, but by the boyfriend?

Here's another thought ... what will happen if she suddenly says to you that she's pregnant?

If you receive any aggression when you speak to her, or later from the boyfriend, throw them out at once. Don't allow her to push you on to a guilt trip.

getmore4less

Does she realise her BF is taking advantage of both of you?

plenty of options so far to address the issue,
Definately have a chat.

how about

Get your man round for a couple of weeks and don't go out much.

See how long it is before she says something.

Make sure your bloke knows the objective so you don't end up with them becoming mates and both moving in to watch the football and drink beer:rotfl:

Fire_Fox

Goodwill wrote: »

No I didn't issue her with a contract and thinking maybe that is the only way to have clear guidelines. I am kicking myself about it because now I feel like when I talk to her she'll find it condescending.

Oh well another lesson learnt...

Bottle of wine and a girly chat.

m_curiousity

Although I totally agree that its your house and therefore very important to be comfortable in it, I would say that its entirely possible the lodger hasnt realised theres a problem and may not have even thought about the situation at all. People can get very blinkered by love when they're in a new relationship and tend to think everyones as happy as they are with the new love of their life! Plus if this is her first independent home it probably hasnt occured to her that she still has to consider other people still....so dont be too hard on her she might be completely shocked and mortified shes upset you!!

Good luck with it!

Jowo_2

I once had a potential lodger who asked about my guest policy and was informed that it was occasional visitors only at weekends.

"But we are in a serious relationship..."

Not serious enough to move in together nor alternate between their rental properties, it seems...

Poodlecrazy

I am inclined to agree that she may not see it as a problem, particularly if you are not there some weekends so from her point of view it doesn't seem to impact on you, if that makes sense.

I know she is paying less than average but from her point of view it is her 'home' and I suppose she may just see it as her right to do what she wants with her room. Not saying that it's right but can see how it could happen.

Personally I would be honest and say that you want more of your space back rather than saying about added costs as I think I would be more offended by a friend saying they wanted more £ for a bf to stay over than being told that having a bloke around is infringing on their personal space more. Just my personal opinion though!
Px