My lodger's boyfriend is outstaying his welcome

Goodwill_2

Hi All,


I recently rented my room out to a very good friend. We agreed on sharing the cleaning of the house and cost of domestic items. Overall she is an excellent room mate but as I own the property she is my lodger, I charge her minimal rent as she doesn't earn much and I have been happy and didn't foresee any problems until now...

Her boyfriend started staying over night which is fine however he has started to become part of the furniture. For example he stayed 5 nights out of 7 within the last week and it finally came to a head when I was awoken at 3 am by him visiting. Is this unreasonable as I felt annoyed by it? My boyfriend stays 3 nights max over 7 days.

Everyone needs privacy despite sharing accomodation, I have left my flat for weekends to give my friend space with her boyfriend so I have shown consideration despite paying the bulk of the household outgoings, I mentioned I charge a reduced rent. I visit family or stay at my boyfriends but as her boyfriend lives with his parents, they can't stay there and I don't get the same privacy in return.

I would not dictate when she should see her boyfriend, to be clear I'm suggesting him staying 3 nights max over a 7 day period at mine. If I don't set some sort of bounderies how do I know he won't end up being at mine 24/7 as he has already stayed the past 5 nights over 7. It seems to increase as the weeks go by.

I will talk to her very soon but want opinions/advice on house guests. Any Landlords on the forum who have set house rules (I don't want a written agreement as we are friends, I think two adults can talk and come to an understanding without the other taking the mick - is this my undoing? ) Also, anyone that is a lodger who has had house rules imposed and think they are fair/unfair.

PS Sorry for the long post, I think I'm partly venting

Thanks

McKneff

I agree with you totally,
Apart from privacy, there are financial implications, more electricity, (cooking, showers,) more water, possiblly telephone calls,

It certainly needs dealing with swiftly before he moves in altogether.
It seems he has done this already and just visits his parents 2 nights a week.

BitterAndTwisted

Vent all you like, it's good for you.

I have been in exactly the same situation in the past, but not with a close friend as a lodger, and I bitterly regret not tackling the issue more quickly than I had. All it did, when leaving any discussion until I was absolutely fed-up to the back-teeth with lodger's b/f being here practically full-time was to stir up a HUGE amount of resentment which they made very, very plain.

I think three nights out of seven is more than reasonable and I think it's very inconsiderate of your friend to agree to this b/f staying at all considering she's getting a very reasonable friend's-rate rent. I suspect that your own bloke staying three nights out of seven may have confused the issue or perhaps your lodger can't count.

Tackle it now before you get too cross!

Goodwill_2

Awww thanks McKneff and BitterAndTwisted for replying. I thought it best to get other peoples perspective on the matter before I 'tackle' the situation.

When I say my boyfriend stays 3 nights max, sometimes its not even that much because I might spend a night or two at his. The problem is that my friend's bf doesn't have his own place so need to tactfully talk to her about it without coming across like her mother I think that's why she moved out in the first place hahaha

Anyone

BitterAndTwisted

Please stop going away for the weekend to give her privacy and show consideration! This has patently been misinterpreted to mean that you don't mind if this b/f is there 24/7. Is he doing his laundry there yet? I reckon it's only a matter of time unless you nip this in the bud. What do you mean about being awoken at 3am by him visiting: was he ringing to be allowed in in the middle of the night?

Jowo_2

Sorry, but pity lets (as I call them) are a poor basis for landlord/tenant or an even more complex landlord/friend relationship.

Just end the arrangement now and diplomatically serve notice on your lodger so your friendship is retained.

It is not your problem she doesn't appear able to afford the type of accommodation she would like to have so don't subsidise her. It is not your problem that her boyfriends lifestyle doesn't permit much privacy. Now both of these are now your problem... No-one forced you to go away so they would have the run of your property - they could have booked a b&b or he could have had an adult discussion with his parents about his girlfriend visiting. All that's happened is that you feel resentful about being taken advantage of but you've let yourself be exploited.

Since she's got such a serious relationship with her boyfriend and since she can't afford to live on her own, nows the time she should be finding a place together with him....

pinkshoes

Did you issue her with any sort of lodger? I had a friend as a lodger for a few months, and insisted on issuing a contract, which actually stated that he was permitted guests to stay over, but for no more than 2 nights per week unless permission was asked.

Goodwill_2

Ooops I think I have portrayed her to be a horrible lodger, apart from the boyfriend staying over continuously we are getting on along fine. I don't want her to leave but as I've never faced this problem before I want advice on how to re-assert myself. You must see by now that I am a softy, but I'm young and will hopefully learn from my mistakes

I won't be making a point of going away at the weekends anymore (I was trying to be nice as it is her first time out of home and getting her independence) but sometimes I do go and stay with my boyfriend so she will have free rein over my flat.

I'm not sure if the relationship is serious as they have only been together three months but I may suggest her moving in with him...thanks Jowo.

Does anyone have advice on house rules for house guests? I don't want to be unreasonable so that's why I'd appreciate anyones opinion who's a landlord/lodger or just someone who wants to throw their penny's worth in

vaporate

She is better off renting a place with her bf and moving out.

Goodwill_2

No I didn't issue her with a contract and thinking maybe that is the only way to have clear guidelines. I am kicking myself about it because now I feel like when I talk to her she'll find it condescending.

Oh well another lesson learnt...

Owain_Moneysaver

5 nights out of 7 is moving in and taking the p. At the least, double the rent for the room and say you want 2/3rds of the bills paid by the lodgers.