My lodger's boyfriend is outstaying his welcome

OwtForNowt

Do you get on with her bf? Might it be worth saying your ok with him moving in if he starts to pay you rent aswell?

Goodwill_2

It is taking the mick but will nip it in the bud and will keep you all posted.

I do get on very well with the bf but would not want him moving in, the one reason why I rented to my friend is because I've known her for years so am really comfortable around her. Although I get on with the bf he's not my friend - yet

Some people have posted that 3 nights is reasonable so will approach her with this, if her reaction tells me she doesn't like it I will suggest she finds a place with him.

Still hoping to hear from a lodgers point of view...

Thanks!

BitterAndTwisted

It's your home and whatever you deem reasonable to feel comfortable and secure in your own home is reasonable.

Personally, I don't think there's any need for any formal agreements, especially when you've a friend as a lodger and imposing one now might cause more harm than good. I can understand how someone young who has never lived away from home before might feel that what they are doing, inviting the b/f to stay whenever they felt like it, might not seem like an imposition but it is. I'm sure a tactful reminder of what you are expecting could be handled sensitively without causing an resentement.

I've friends who have been lodgers in other people's homes in the past and some of them have never been able to invite overnight guests of either gender, not even drunken pals after a late night out. Other people's homes, other rules.

clutton_2

you could try the tack that when you first thought of having a lodger, that you felt the flat really was only big enough for 2 and for that reason you were wondering if she was thinking of getting her own place with her boyfriend.. if she says not - "perhaps we could have a limit of boyfriends stay over only at weekend - as it is getting rather cramped and the bills are higher than i had expected.with three of us here almost all the time.....?"

bristol_pilot

I have had many lodgers over the years and the way I do it is this. Firstly, I NEVER have a friend or a friend-of-a-friend as a lodger. It is strictly a business relationship, so that I can more easily ask the lodger to leave for any reason (or for no reason). I make it clear from the outset that a bf/gf can stay overnight but not move in. Also, that the common living areas are not dorm accommodation for 'mates' to sleep on the floor! The lodger is not allowed to give a key to anyone, nor leave a guest unsupervised in the house. TBH I have never had a problem with male lodgers as their girlfriends seem to come and go - if a more serious relationship starts they tend to leave and move in together as a couple. Females lodgers tend to try and move their bf in - all you can do is ask the lodger to leave if the same person keeps staying on a regular basis. Trying to limit numbers of nights stay etc is not the answer - you will just come across as unreasonable. In your case, I'd say the lodger has just got to go.

BitterAndTwisted

Bristol_Pilot, I agree with and accept what you say but it's all a bit too late for all that, OP's friend has already moved in, so under the circs I reckon Clutton's suggestion is best about b/f's only staying overnight at weekends.

pinkshoes

Goodwill wrote: »

No I didn't issue her with a contract and thinking maybe that is the only way to have clear guidelines. I am kicking myself about it because now I feel like when I talk to her she'll find it condescending.

Oh well another lesson learnt...

It's never too late...

Just say that your mortgage company/insurance wanted you to give her a lodger contract, and you completely forgot about it until now, so here it is...

(look on line, and you should be able to find a template).

DVardysShadow

pinkshoes wrote: »

It's never too late...

Just say that your mortgage company/insurance wanted you to give her a lodger contract, and you completely forgot about it until now, so here it is...

(look on line, and you should be able to find a template).

No. Not porkies. That is the quickest way to break up the friendship. Tell it as it is. BF is taking up too much of my space and I want it back.

ailuro2

Ask her over a coffee how things are going with her BF, ask if they've any plans to move in together, as you know she's uncomfortable with having him over so often when you never get any privacy.

Tell her the bills are rising and if he is going to stay during the week you will have to ask her to find somewhere else, as it WILL impact on your friendship. Make it clear you love her to bits, but need to protect your home aswell. You don't want to feel like a visitor in your own home, do you?


you need to make it perfectly clear that you have given them a bit of privacy but get none back...and that having a boyfriend there 5 nigths out of 7 is threatening your friendship.

ailuro2

p.s. if she is never alone for you to have a word with her, give her the lodger's contract with the rules on it, tell them it's an insurance thing...