Barrage of emotional events - how do you cope?

Jo_R_2

brians daughter, I know *exactly* what you mean. I have that too, those moments where you just 'feel' that where you are, what you are seeing/doing/feeling is just so great, however mundane or everyday, that you relish that moment in time and realise there are things out there that are lovely and wonderful amongst everything going on which give you the momentum and strength to fight another day.

I sometimes explain these moments to my OH and wonder if I sound crazy, wonder if he or anyone else have these moments - it's good to know others do, I too use them as reference points for when things aren't so good and also realise that yes, there are things that maybe I don't always notice or appreciate that I should.

Princess_Jane

Weird, I was about to post up a similar thread but found this one and it's been a great source of comfort.

My fella's dad has just been diagnosed with a serious illness which may limit his life expectancy to a couple of years.
My fella is having tests to see if he has any problems (some elements of it could be hereditary).
As a result of this we've found out none of the men of his dad's side of the family have lived past 50.
Also, I've just had a crappy holiday, spent hundreds and travelled for days to see a good friend who treat me like crap and left me pretty much on my own.
It's really shook me up how awful he was to me and now I don't know how to deal with it.
(Though I do appreciate I'm lucky to be able to afford nice hols, I do work very, very hard for it with two jobs and 60 hour weeks).

It's all led me to plan a tattoo - Quod me non necat me fortiorem facit - which means that which does not kill me, makes me stronger.

Supportive thoughts to you all.

loveandlight

I am very glad I have come across this thread. Now I don't feel so alone and such an odd ball and so different from everyone else. For the past 13 years I have gone from one major problem to another. If I told you some of the things that have happened to me you would not believe me and you would say, no way, nobody can go through all of that and still keep going.

In fact, it is still going on. I have lost all my family and friends along the way as you start to lose touch with others when they can't relate to whats happening to you. I know I never really had them in the first place otherwise they would be with me now. They end up blaming you that somehow you are not thinking positive enough and are therefore bringing it on yourself. When in fact, they will never understand that it's my positive thinking that keeps me going every day.

I have found the best way of coping is just to take one day at a time and not to worry about tomorrow and what it may or may not bring. Sometimes making yourself not think beyond the next hour or so, or only allowing yourself to think until the end of the morning/afternoon/evening and not beyond that also helps.

Jo_R_2

More hugs to those that need them.

Not sure what kind of day today is. I didn't feel too bright early on, lots of things going round in my head, and when OH woke up he told me he'd been having nightmares about things happening to me, made me sad because he's carrying these thoughts with him too but doesn't always let on as much. We've still got things to work through, it will work out, it just needs time but unfortunately it's not going to happen as soon as we'd like. Sorry if that's cryptic but we'll get there in the end.

I'm handling things practically today though, lists and working through things to do, occupying my mind.

starrystarry

The other thing I've learned is that when I'm going through a bad time, I start to yearn for dull, uneventful days. That probably sounds pathetic to some people, but when you've had day after day of drama/trauma/arguments/upset/hospital visits/crying etc, a day when I can just get up, go to work, come home, eat toast and watch telly becomes very appealing.

I'm in a good (dull/uneventful) period at the moment. Hugs to everyone who isn't.

merlin68

We had the same last year, hubby got made redundant, then his dad literally dropped dead 3 months late, a month after that my nana died. then me and hubby got back together again after splitting up. To find my aunties got throat cancer and my dad is in heart failure, also my niece has just had major surgery at 6 years old and my god father died at the weekend.
But the good news is my kitty is pregnant.

curlygirl1971

(Apologies in advance for long post - I've always used 1000 instead of 10 words wherever possible especially in late night ramblings)

I am truly amazed by, and somewhat in awe of, the strength that you have all found to get you through - and some of you have had such bl00dy awful experiences that it makes my 'hard' times look like a walk in a muddy field with the occasional cow-pat. You probably think you had no choice, but I disagree. You did have a choice and you chose to swim rather than sink. Sadly I've realised over the years that I only got my 25m badge and before long I'm taking in great gulps of water.

The worst thing for me (clearly not as bad as loosing someone) was my much loved younger sister being diagnosed with MS at 22. Back then we were all devastated and terribly frightened for her. I remember feeling as if someone had actually ripped my heart out and replaced it with a big cold stone. It was a very physical feeling. M&D fell apart - mini breakdowns at different times. Things were going badly for me at work and I was very stressed. I was also trying to support my Gran in small ways - she was devastated by the news and increasingly unwell with periods in hospital. My family kept calling me their 'rock' and came to rely on me. I went along with it for the best part of a year and I thought I was doing pretty well. I don't have children so I should have found it a doddle but I just wasn't up to the job.

At the time I'd not been in a relationship for many years but I had 3 very good friends. We did everything together, we were never apart and we had a ball. But they quickly got the hump because I wasn't the life & soul of the party all the time. I wasn't humouring their men-woes as much, and they couldn't understand the incredible heartache I was feeling. I didn't want to tell them, I didn't want to spoil their Friday nights out with my misery. I felt as if I opened my mouth the silent scream in my head would find a voice. So they took my relative silence as moodiness, things built up, they started rowing between themselves over other things and I got the blame. They were each given 2nd/3rd chances when they came crawling back. Other things happened - and laughably I supported them - but ultimately I was blamed for changing the dynamic of our close group.

One by one they disappeared without a word to me or the others and it culminated in one sending me a very nasty letter out of the blue unloading all the poison in her life on someone else. The letter knocked me sick. The kind of gut-wrench that stays with you for weeks. I felt betrayed and dreadfully embarressed that I'd managed to loose friends. It sounds ridiculous. Q: How do you loose friends without being a horrendous person? A: Clearly I was a horrible terrible person that deserved it. (Don't worry I've had a word with myself since). Gran died soon after after being in and out of hospital for several years. One day - I opened my mouth and found no words would come out. I literally couldn't speak. Honest. It lasted a few weeks and gradually it came back.....although I did go on to develop moderate clinical depression and it was the start of 12 months pulling myself out of the deep dark comfy ditch that is depression. I feel lucky to have recovered from it and now I keep an eye on my mental health and take action if I think I'm off sprinting over the fields to the loopy farm again.

A couple of years later I met a man (by that time had been on my own for aaaaaages), was sooo grateful that he'd bothered to go out with me, eventually trusted him, believed all the carp about shared future, turned out to be a 1st class t0ssp0t who 'needed someone more attractive' and probably a bigger bank balance (and indeed as it turned out a nicer house in the country for him to move into!). I was really heartbroken - not because he'd left my life - I realised quickly I'd had a lucky escape but I was devastated because I'd been that plonker that allowed him to play me. I don't do betrayal and humilation very well. I lost 2 st in 4 wks. I cried for 3 sodding months - I couldn't turn it off. I developed eczema under my eyes LOL! I didn't feel well or right for perhaps 10months? That's pathetic and it annoys me. I remember at the time trying to snap myself out of it over and over and I just couldn't - I was so sodding upset. It was as if my body had been possessed by Moaning Mrytle (Harry Potter fame). I went to great lengths to try and hide it, but it was as if it was out of my control. I never want to be like that again - life's too short, but sadly I know that it's part of my personality make up and at some point in the future I'm going to be a mardy-pants again.

I have a (lovely, reliable, normal, thoughtful, caring) BF now - and having that other person in your life definitely makes it better - at the very least someone is there to check you're still okay, check you're not going under......as long as they're okay........ But I do often think that I've switched off part of my capacity to feel - as if I once felt too much and don't want to ever expose myself like that again. A bit sad really and I don't really do female friends anymore.

I know that life is full of ups and downs. I don't think 'Things can't get worse' but I do think 'Life is full of change' I wish someone had pointed out to me the first time I was struggling the very obvious fact that 'This is not your whole life and how it is going to be forever - this is just a period of time'. The changes in life can be hard, horrendous even, but at other times it's going to be wonderful..... and I guess this thought is for you especially Rich (if indeed anyone is still reading at this point) - you're at a pretty crappy point right now but it's not always going to be like this. You will turn a corner and you will be happy again.

And it's definitely no good to think 'why does it always happen to me' - I was made redundant 5 times in 6 years in my early 20's and allowing myself to indulge in that attitude made me a pathetic prospect for an employer! I also think back to what a guy told me last year - He's late 30's and has quite bad MS - He told me that he never thought 'why me', but rather he thought 'why not me?' And he saw it as an opportunity for proving he was worthy of the challenge - absolutely amazing. Perhaps I need to think of him and his philosophy a little more.

My OH's lovely Mum (who was diagnosed with Dementia 2 years ago) has just been diagnosed with Bowel cancer. We are going to be in for a rough, tiring year........but hopefully we will all come out the otherside of it better and more appreciative. Fingers crossed and I'm going to try my absolute best to support them and not come out a jibbering wreck at the other end.

The very best of luck to you all - thanks for your stories, especially you Jo. I hope your relationship withstands the pressures and you are able to support one another through your difficult times. If I hadn't written this account of an emotional lightweight then I guess none of you would have realised that you really are amazing, resiliant and strong afterall.

curlygirl1971

Oh hell. No-one will read that. Okay to summarise - I'm pathetic, but you're all great. Life full of change blah blah blah. Rich - sometime in the future your life will take a turn for the better and you will be happy again. Guy with MS doesn't think 'Why Me?' he thinks 'Why not me'. Wow how inspirational. Thanks to everyone and best of luck Jo

(See why the heck couldn't I have just said that in the first place!)

Night

Jo_R_2

curlygirl1971 wrote: »

Oh hell. No-one will read that. Okay to summarise - I'm pathetic, but you're all great. Life full of change blah blah blah. Rich - sometime in the future your life will take a turn for the better and you will be happy again. Guy with MS doesn't think 'Why Me?' he thinks 'Why not me'. Wow how inspirational. Thanks to everyone and best of luck Jo

(See why the heck couldn't I have just said that in the first place!)

Night

:DWow that was a story and a half! Had to chuckle at this last additional post, you don't sound pathetic at all by the way, you sound very articulate and introspective, and thank you for sharing, has certainly given me some food for thought!

Mrs_Ryan

Hugs to all... there are some truly brave and inspirational posters on here - I feel truly humbled reading some of these.

I'm going through a very tough time myself at the minute - struggling a bit with my sanity at the minute after miscarriage number 6 last month, OH is in the process of being discharged from the community mental health team at the moment and his psychiatrist has decided theres nothing wrong with him and therefore he doesnt need his anti-psychotic meds any more (his behaviour is becoming increasingly erratic) they have also decided that I am capable enough (because of my job) to be able to take him on and look after him should he have an episode (er - no!) His work are trying their damndest to put him back on night shifts (which caused his breakdown in the first place!) We've got occupational health and everything involved and have partially won the battle but his management are being difficult and its causing both of us stress.

Found out last night Dad (who is in his late 60s and has emphysema) has been rushed into hospital as his heart rate is very high - I cant get home at the moment so a bit worried about my mum - who already uses a ventilator at night and has now been told she will need oxygen.

I burst out crying the other day at the most trivial little thing - I felt so depressed that I will be 30 in 8 months, I feel like I've done nothing with my life and I'm so stressed out right now. I've had to lock everything away as it feels like I'm expected to be strong for OH's sake, but its starting to get me down a little now.

The few people who do know say they are amazed at my strength but as they say what doesnt kill you will only make you stronger - I'm hoping better times are just around the corner, I had a lovely experience on Saturday and am very much looking forward to something else next month - I hope that it is the same for everyone else, and that better times will soon arrive.

Mrs_R xx