Barrage of emotional events - how do you cope?

Errata

Jo - you can get some support from the Macmillan helpline and website for your self to help you support your mum. Your mum will have her own Macmillan nurse and their job is to support the immediate family as well as the patient.
HTH and best wishes to you and your mum

katieclampet

So sorry to hear about all your bad news. Sometimes being on auto pilot is the only way to get through these things. And, as someone else said, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, I have found this out from personal experience. See if you can get some support, my thoughts and best wishes are with you,

katiex

daska

Autopilot, I know that status well LOL. And I second the admonition to never use the phrase 'it can only get better'. One memory really stands out: My then boss asked me, about 5 years into my 'run of bad luck', what I had planned for the following year? I thought it couldn't get worse and jokingly replied 'a nervous breakdown'. Guess what... Not that I talked myself into it in any way, a family member was diagnosed with a terminal illness, DSD came to live with us with just over 12 hours notice (and we were forced to initiate a residence application), had two rounds of restructuring/redundancies at work, a drop in salary as I was no longer able to do overtime, a pregnancy, shingles, chemotherapy, MRSA, 3 forced house moves etc etc etc. Things always seem to find a way of getting worse LOL

But things do resolve in time. And it is amazing what the human body can endure. Every silver lining has a cloud to get through before you find it.

Keep strong.

RichTeaBiscuit

Hi all,

I know its no help but I'm currently going through the same, starting last June our lovely old dog had to be put to sleep. In July my only living Grandparent passed away after a long illness & dementia. Myself and my parents had to clear her council house out within a month with no help.. we have no other relatives and my wife works 9-5 so couldn't assist either. I also discovered that my job was at risk around now due to budget cuts. September my mum had a heart attack and was placed on the waiting list for surgery, my mum got fixed up and was back to her almost normal self around November. Things started looking up for Christmas until my dad was diagnosed with Angina in the new year. Finally, three weeks ago my wife of 2 years suddenly left, my soul mate of 12years has decided that I'd shut her out for too long, I'd dealt with the last year by closing up and keeping it to myself... I thought I was protecting her. She's decided that she want's a new life and to have some fun with her new friends. She says she's made up her mind and it's over.. just like that.

I'm sat in the home that we've created wondering what I've done to deserve this, at 36years old my life is completely upside down. I'm no manic depressive.. I just get down and close up.. I don't drink.. much, don't gamble, I've cooked and cleaned the house, made sure we have no debts and a retirement pot, good holidays. Why me?
Life sucks right now.

Rich

busiscoming2

Life can be rubbish, and what is the point of it all? I often wonder this and have come to the conclusion you really do have to enjoy life while it is good and going well, whilst trying not to take anything/anyone for granted. Much easier said than done!

pigpen

RichTeaBiscuit wrote: »

Hi all,

I know its no help but I'm currently going through the same, starting last June our lovely old dog had to be put to sleep. In July my only living Grandparent passed away after a long illness & dementia. Myself and my parents had to clear her council house out within a month with no help.. we have no other relatives and my wife works 9-5 so couldn't assist either. I also discovered that my job was at risk around now due to budget cuts. September my mum had a heart attack and was placed on the waiting list for surgery, my mum got fixed up and was back to her almost normal self around November. Things started looking up for Christmas until my dad was diagnosed with Angina in the new year. Finally, three weeks ago my wife of 2 years suddenly left, my soul mate of 12years has decided that I'd shut her out for too long, I'd dealt with the last year by closing up and keeping it to myself... I thought I was protecting her. She's decided that she want's a new life and to have some fun with her new friends. She says she's made up her mind and it's over.. just like that.

I'm sat in the home that we've created wondering what I've done to deserve this, at 36years old my life is completely upside down. I'm no manic depressive.. I just get down and close up.. I don't drink.. much, don't gamble, I've cooked and cleaned the house, made sure we have no debts and a retirement pot, good holidays. Why me?
Life sucks right now.

Rich

But you've had good stuff there too.. All those lovely memories with your doggy, and you did the hardest yet most responsible thing a pet owner can do.. you let him go when he needed you to. The memories of your grandparent and their releasefrom the awful prison if dementia.. it is heartbreaking to watch them deteriorate. the lovely memories from clearing out their home.. each item comes with its own story. Your mum is on the mend and your dads angina is manageable.. that is all great!!

As for your wife.. there is more to that than she is letting on.

That retirement pot.. go on holiday with it.. go with a mate or by yourself.. go somewhere you've always wanted to go but never got chance to before..

Grab your life and start enjoying it!

starrystarry

It seems everyone goes through at least one of these horrible periods at some stage in their life. I can think of two periods in my past which when I look back on I wonder how I coped. But I did because I had to.

My Mum bought me a little book a couple of years ago called A Teaspoon Of Courage. I recommend it to anyone going through tough times.

SingleSue

I seem to lurch from one disaster to another in my life.....and at times, those disasters come at the same time.

My way of dealing with it, is to say "Things can only get better", it may not work for others but for me, it is the only thing that gets me through..that little bit of hope.

Initially though, I tend to get down, get weepy for a few days, then I get angy and finally, I get my fight back spirit back. If it is a crisis time (hospital admission for example) , I tend to be able to carry on with no problems while it is happening but then go into low low low mode when it is over.

Since October last year, my eldest son has been diagnosed with a disabilty (huge knock for me, he was my one medically normal son) and we have been up and down to various hospitals since, youngest son has been rushed into hospital twice..both times very seriously ill and then in the last month, reported to social services by a malicious person (social services came out, did their assessment and could find absolutely nothing wrong and have closed their file with no further action required).

And still I look to the future and say "Things can only get better"

hippychick1

SingleSue wrote: »

My way of dealing with it, is to say "Things can only get better", it may not work for others but for me, it is the only thing that gets me through..that little bit of hope.

I used to say this, but the last couple of years for me have been blimmin awful. Every time something happened, I'd sit down, take a deep breath and think, things can only get better. But then something even worse happens. I'm at the point now, where finally, things seem to be on the up. So hopefully, things can only get better!!!!!!!!!!!!

brians_daughter

pigpen wrote: »

One thing I have discovered.. DON'T EVER SAY.. IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER!!!!!

I second this! I have had so much going on in last 2 years i sometimes wonder how i have coped. All you can do (or rather all i can do!) is take the good days with a firm grip and relsih them and let the bad days melt away.

The only consolation to come out of mine, yours, anyones woes is that we all truely apreciate the good things.

This sounds all rather slushy, but...I remember one day last summer (in the thick of my/our problems/ issues)taking the baby for a walk and it was so sunny, we had a small rain shower and a rainbow appeared. I creid with joy. Oh, it was the most amazing sight i had seen in a long time and for some reason filled me full of hope for the future.

That sight taught me that you must take all wonderful things, no matter how small and 'bank' them for when things arent so great. Whenever something is happening or i am feeling low i think of those few minutes when we saw the rainbow, and i remeber how wonderful i felt, how complete and i know holding that thought in my mind will get me through anything life throws at me/us