my big fat gypsy wedding

bigmomma051204

poet123 wrote: »

I really enjoyed the programme, I thought they all came across very well, can you imagine wthe stress of having your wedding cancelled at 3 days notice because of who you are? They should have named and shamed that venue.

I agree in principle BUT i have to say, one of my close friends owns a very beautiful old manor house which is a wedding venue. When he grew up, he used to be friends with some travellers so when they started approaching him to hold weddings at his venue, he said yes. But the whole thing snowballs (inevitably when MASSIVE families are involved!) and basically long story short, he held 28 gypsy/traveller weddings in the space of about 3 years. And those weddings cost him over £105,000 worth of damage.... some of the weddings were fine, but there is alot of rivalry between different "branches" of families and things kicked off in a big way (police, arrests and one death!) at 4 of the weddings. There were some that had the odd brawl where things got broken etc so all in all the amount of damage meant that he felt he had no other choice than to refuse the custom of travellers - not because of what or who they were, just because of a majority who spoilt it for the ones who just wanted a nice, good knees up! And when the word got around that he was refusing custom to travellers, he had another £30,000 worth of damage caused to his property during the night etc.... - never could prove who it was though lol!! :cool: Of course not ALL travellers are like this...and it IS a shame as my friend really loved putting on the weddings for alot of them as they know how to have a great time.... but needs must, and no owner of a business wants to have customers who will cost him more than he earns.

I am not on any "side" here... just wanted to explain a bit about why people can't always just stick to their principles and be politically (or morally!) correct at risk of losing their own livelihood.....oh for a perfect world though 'eh?! :A

Claire2831

I was hooked! I wonder what they do with their huge dresses after the wedding, I imagine there isn't much room in a caravan to store them...??

I felt so sorry for Joan, I really hope they do follow up to see how she gets on.

Lobell

I could list on one hand the venues that will accept Traveller functions - and even they charge a huge non-refundable deposit in case of damage. I have rung up to book hotels for christening parties for a couple of people because they'll take my booking without question...but I hae only done that for families that I know very well and who I know will not intentionally cause lots of damage....I know of one incident where a wedding party set off the fire alarm at a venue late in the evening and then did a runner en masse in the chaos that followed...

Fighting is such a huge part of Traveller culture that it's inevitable that fights will break out at gatherings, particulary where the alcohol is flowing (which it does...at one wedding I attended the bar bill - footed by Father of the Bride - was around £8K). Fighting is not just between rival families either - it is often used to settle disagreements between brothers/cousins etc too. They shake hands afterwards and family relationships are unaffected...it seems brutal and incomprehensible to us non-Travellers but that's just how they do it.

So, whilst a few have spoiled it for the majority, I can quite understand why many venues don't accept Traveller functions but it's very unfortunate for those who just want a family celebration and don't cause lots of trouble and damage.

Sorry...I'm kind of flitting between subjects a bit but just picking up on the point that some girls get married having only met their husband on a few occasions; I have seen this in action. The 16 year old daughter of a friend of mine was proposed to after she had been spotted on a wedding video! The young man saw her, liked the look of her and then rang her up to ask her if she would marry him! Naturally, she didn't say yes because she hadn't even met him but the families arranged to meet (the girl lived in Ireland, the boy in england) and after spending some time together (chaperoned - young couples are rarely allowed to be alone until their wedding night) she agreed to marry him but she wanted to wait until she was 18 to get married. They saw each other only a few times (at family gatherings) in that time. They got married 2 years ago and she had her first baby before their first anniversary.

MrsE_2

I know from Ireland the funerals have fighting, there is often a police presence at large traveller funerals, but I didn't know it was an issue at the weddings too.

my_definition

there was soo much more in that programme about the venues and discrimination and to be honest i dont think its great that they dont consider divorce an option because of things such as abusive relationship but what sticks in my mine is how on earth would you carry 27 stone on your hips??? awwwwww

poet123

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

poet123 wrote: »

I really enjoyed the programme, I thought they all came across very well, can you imagine wthe stress of having your wedding cancelled at 3 days notice because of who you are? They should have named and shamed that venue.

I agree in principle BUT i have to say, one of my close friends owns a very beautiful old manor house which is a wedding venue. When he grew up, he used to be friends with some travellers so when they started approaching him to hold weddings at his venue, he said yes. But the whole thing snowballs (inevitably when MASSIVE families are involved!) and basically long story short, he held 28 gypsy/traveller weddings in the space of about 3 years. And those weddings cost him over £105,000 worth of damage.... some of the weddings were fine, but there is alot of rivalry between different "branches" of families and things kicked off in a big way (police, arrests and one death!) at 4 of the weddings. There were some that had the odd brawl where things got broken etc so all in all the amount of damage meant that he felt he had no other choice than to refuse the custom of travellers - not because of what or who they were, just because of a majority who spoilt it for the ones who just wanted a nice, good knees up! And when the word got around that he was refusing custom to travellers, he had another £30,000 worth of damage caused to his property during the night etc.... - never could prove who it was though lol!! :cool: Of course not ALL travellers are like this...and it IS a shame as my friend really loved putting on the weddings for alot of them as they know how to have a great time.... but needs must, and no owner of a business wants to have customers who will cost him more than he earns.

I am not on any "side" here... just wanted to explain a bit about why people can't always just stick to their principles and be politically (or morally!) correct at risk of losing their own livelihood.....oh for a perfect world though 'eh?! :A

I see where you are coming from, but equally if he held that number of weddings :eek:and they were of the type and size shown on that programme, he would have made a lot of money, and surely he was insured for that type of issue, as are all wedding venues.

Plushchris

I can understand why the venues refuse to have the wedding there, when that woman learnt the venue had pulled out her immediate response was "They'll be sorry" thats exactly the type of attitude that put people off gyspies.

I'm sure there are some nice ones but unfortunately the only ones I've come into contact with are the theiving, trespassing, abusive types. That program didnt do anything to change my attitude towards them tbh.

alwaysonthego_2

I am just about to watch this, but I am very pleased with some of the comments. I work with Gypsy and Traveller families and they are the most welcoming people. Unfortuntley there are a small minority that give the rest a bad name and it really is not fair. They are discriminated against on a daily basis and are not welcomed into society.

poet123

Plushchris wrote: »

I can understand why the venues refuse to have the wedding there, when that woman learnt the venue had pulled out her immediate response was "They'll be sorry" thats exactly the type of attitude that put people off gyspies.

I'm sure there are some nice ones but unfortunately the only ones I've come into contact with are the theiving, trespassing, abusive types. That program didnt do anything to change my attitude towards them tbh.

She could just have meant they would sue, because in their position that is exactly what I would have done. Breach of contract.

The_Golden_Goose

Poor Joan said that walking down the aisle with her father would be really special. Sadly, her dress was so wide her Pa had to walk in front of her.....

Very interesting programme, as the review in The Times said today, Cutting Edge could have delved quite a bit further!