if someone was doing the dirty on their wife...

cazziebo

Difficult one.... I can say that having been in the wife's position. My ex had an affair for maybe over a year and several of his and my friends dropped very heavy hints. I didn't listen to them at all - and I was shocked when they were proven right. I recognise now what a very difficult position people were in and looking back it was very nice of them to care so much to take on such an unpleasant task.
At the time I probably ignored them or - ashamed to say, might have responded quite nastily..

Tell you what did hurt - the ones who said "I told you so" once the news was out. That's a petty and cruel triumph.

Proc

I'd tell him that he's got 2 weeks to tell his wife. After which point, I'll be telling her.

If the wife was really hot, I'd probably go around, tell her, get her drunk, then get her into bed.

pigpen

Yes.. there is nothing more embarrassing than everyone in the world knowing your husband is a rake and not one of them thought enough of you to tell you.. knowing every time they saw you together he was still smelling of another womans crotch.

It is humiliating and degrading enough without having to be mortified that all those you considered a friend or acquaintance not one had the guts or cared enough about you to tell you.

jackieglasgow

If she was my friend, I'd tell her. My DSIL's man had an affair for quite a long time, and when she found out she was devestated. If I'd known, I'd have told her. No question. My loyalty is to her/any friend, and even if it became the case of shooting the messenger, it's better to know than think people have been talking about it behind your back, which is what happened to her. That really upset her. The other thing of course is that if it's found out sooner rather than later then perhaps the couple can sort it out, before the other relationship gets too involved, or the existing one gets too damaged. Having said that, it doesn't sound as if this is the situation for the OP's friend!

paddy's_mum

If she is willing to pay everything for him, she may be of the doormat type and already know.

This might be one of the few times when an anonymous (anonymous, not unkind!) letter might be justified, provided it gives facts not supposition.

Running_Horse

No. Never interfere in the private marital affairs of others. None of my business.

Curious_George_2

if you absolutely have to say something, speak to the cheater...

for all you know the wife might be happy with the situation, ive just found out that a friend ive known for 20 years and her husband have an open relationship where they can both cheat as long as the other doesnt find out...
this is the most surprising couple too, the wife is a christian who bleats on about god all the time (only in situations where its suits her it seems)

Proc

Curious_George wrote: »

this is the most surprising couple too, the wife is a christian who bleats on about god all the time (only in situations where its suits her it seems)

You've got to love those loonies and their imaginary friends. You'd have thought that people would have grown out of this stuff by now.

Indie_Kid

What's to stop him claiming "I'm not cheating. You're only saying that to split us up"?

ninky_2

sh1305 wrote: »

What's to stop him claiming "I'm not cheating. You're only saying that to split us up"?

nothing. but at least the wife would have been alerted and from then on it would be up to her to either ignore the behaviour or notice it.

as someone who has been cheated on, i think it's the complicity of others that allows it to go on for longer. often cheaters say you are being paranoid. if everyone else around acts like nothing is going on as well you start to believe them and think you must be imagining things.