Is my boyfriend too controlling?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Bin him. If you end up buying him his precious house (too far away for you to have much of a life, btw), how much of a life so you think you'll be having then?

Next will be moans about your clothes, how they look like you're trying to entice men to you, then it'll be by wearing perfume or make up, then by washing or brushing your teeth.

Then it'll be 'why aren't you in yet?' when you are 10 minutes later than usual back from work, or phonecalls at work, just to check you are at your desk.

All too easy to gravitate to mental or physical abuse by that point - and he will have made sure that you have alienated every friend you have by then.

Seriously, I really think bailing out is your best choice right now. Wish it wasn't, but he is starting on a slippery slope that you don't want to be dragged down with him.

Raggs_2

He sounds like he wants to settle down, and you don't. You've drifted apart, it happens, especially over long periods and young starting ages.

I suspect he's jealous, he see's the woman that he currently views as his potential lifelong partner for half the week, one of those days she works a part time job, more time away from him. The rest of the week, as far as he can tell, you're out having fun without him. He's probably just depressed that he doesn't get to spend that time with you.

KittyKate

Hmm..playing a bit of devil's advocate here maybe but what if a man came on and posted something like 'my GF of 6 years only sees me three times a week. She goes out with her mates all the time and never wants to spend time with me. She didn't want to move in with me because she says she wants to be closer to work and her friends...she comes in late....I feel like she's not committed'.

That's not how I see it, I'm just saying that's how he might feel. Neither of you are really in the wrong but I certainly don't think he is being controlling. You just have totally different outlooks on life. You're 24, he's 29 and that gap clearly matters at this point in your lives. I think you'd both be happier apart - if after 6 years you are on a rocky part-time relationship which I get the impression you see as stale..it's certainly not worth taking into the mortgage-marriage-babies zone, is it?

hbloomers

It sounds to me as if you've outgrown the relationship. 6 years together is a long time, and getting together at 18, you probably haven't had any other experience of relationships.

It sounds to me like he's a bit jealous of your social life. I'm with the others, if he's trying to stop you seeing your friends and having a life outside of him, I'd be worried. You don't know how he'll be in 10 years of course, but they are worrying signs.

January20

For all the reasons that other posters have stated, yes he is too controlling. And he only sees you part of the week. What would it be like if you were together 7 days out of 7?

Do not ever give up your friends for your partner. When I split up from my ex, my friends saved me in many ways.

At 24 you should be thinking about having fun and making the most of life. If you want to work a Saturday to be able to afford extras like clothes, no-one has the right to ask you to give it up.

Frankly, he sounds selfish and lacking in ambition, unrealistic about certain aspects of life (mortgage) and set in his ways at a worryingly young age. I fear he will only drag you down and make you miserable.

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I don't know if he's too controlling, but if you have to ask the question I'm guessing you know what the answer is.

Raggs_2

It could be if he saw her 7 out of 7 he wouldn't mind her going out, or working the extra shift. I know on the occasions I work a lot of nights in a row and hardly see my fiance I just want to spend the weekend together and not do anything special.

I must say I'm a little insulted at how quickly some people have jumped to physical abuse, over what has only been described as someone getting irritated at barely seeing the woman he wants to live a life with.

SailorSam

I use to do voluntary work, as part of my training i spent one day with Womens Aid. We were talking about how women get into bad, even violent relationships and why they stay there.
We were told that in the beginning men were often very loving wanting to spend all their time with their partner, and making them feel guilty for any time they spend with their own friends or ever their own family. Slowly slowly the women loses contact with everyone she knew and her only contact is her OH. Then if there's any problems, she has no where to run, she's a virtual prisoner. I'm not saying that would happen to you, but keep your friends.
It sounds to me as if you want different things, you're still very young don't commit unless you're certain.

mademoiselle_2

I agree very much with Sailor Sam's comments. Emotional abuse is an insidious process, it starts small and grows....chipping away at your freedoms, your hobbies, your friends, and eventually your happiness and self-belief. It's the frog-in-the-pan of water syndrome. Bring the water to the boil slowly, and the frog doesn't realise what's being done to it!

So many things you have said have raised HUGE red flags. He wants to get you away from your friends and family, get you tied to paying a mortgage, in some (isolated?) house 'up the valleys', with only him to rely on. He's already telling you what you should think and how you should act. And he's demonstrating strong anti-social tendencies.

You know the answer to your own question. Yes, he's being controlling. I would not only doubt you would be happy in this relationship, I would actually fear for you.

lolababy

It sounds as if this relationship has gone stale. Id move on before you get trapped into a marriage, kids and mortgage.