12yr old looking at unsuitable content

familyof4_3

Our son has been caught (for the 2nd time) searching for nude pics on the internet.

Dad calmly went through "the chat" again but mum went ballistic.

The laptop he used is shared with his younger sibling so it's really not on.

Dad installed K9 security software after the first incident which was about 6 months ago. We thought he's learned his lesson and resored functionality recently but he's let us down. I also found out yesterday that he's been using his mobile phone in the interim to browse the web.

I know he's getting to "that age" but personally I still think 12 is a bit young - am I being naive? He is quite an immature 12 - or at least we thought he was :shocked:

My question is...has anyone had experience of this and how did they handle it? The good cop/bad cop thing with the parenting isn't working so one of us will have to back down so we're both taking the same line of attack.

I think the worse thing for me is that he didn't show any guilt or shame. I would have been absolutely mortified if my parents had caught me with anything like that & it certainly would have stopped be doing it twice.

Any advice welcome.

kegg_2

I think the worse thing for me is that he didn't show any guilt or shame.

But he has nothing to feel quilty about as it is only natural curosity (and yes and i have a 13 and 12 year old)

Just tighten up your internet security so he cant do it on the computer shared with his younger sibling.
Not alot you can do about his phone as even if you take it away he will only look at or use his mates.

DKLS

He is getting to an age, where its not that difficult to bypass the security measures, a quick google and there is a wealth of info on how to bypass K9. So I wouldnt rely on that for long.

Flearoy

It's not unusual for lads to peruse such material. They just get better at deleting the evidence as they get older. Personally I'd be surprised if a lad that age (now) had not had a look for some smut, and to be honest, assuming it's naked ladies and not hardcore filth, then it's probably a lot healthier than shooting people in the head on any one of the raft of computer games out at the moment. As for the disobedience, well, that's a separate matter and not my area of expertise!

Blackpool_Saver

I think you have to accept this now.
It's time he had his own comp really.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I remember the 12 year old boys at school in 1984 being fascinated by dirty magazines - if there had been the internet then, they would have been using it too. They would also have y got them from their 14 year old brothers, too!

Out of interest, does Dad look at anything in private? Any boy knowing that Dad looks is likely to think it's only fair he gets to look.

Just use the security features - they were written by people who were 12 year old boys once upon a time, so they know exactly what is needed.

Gingham_Ribbon

In my opinion, the good cop bad cop routine isn't as effective as mum and dad 'singing from the same hymn sheet' so to speak, so it's good that you're trying that now.

Curiosity is normal and healthy. But how he views women is an important issue as is respecting the house rules. How you play it probably depends on your views on pornography. Either you can ban it and explain why, enforcing this with suitable consequences if he breaks your rules, or you can allow him to look at it but on the understanding that you have frank discussions about respecting women, sex, the difference between these fantasy pictures and real life etc etc.

If he's too uncomfortable to discuss the issues, then he's too young to look at the pictures in my opinion. I'd tell him that when he's ready to deal with the whole subject then he's ready to see what all the fuss is about.

And a priority is that he respects his younger sibling. If he can't protect him/her from his browsing history then he shouldn't be allowed on the computer.

As for not showing guilt or shame, is that something that is usually lacking when he's done something against the rules or is it something unexpected from him? It could simply be that he doesn't see any reason to feel guilty or ashamed about his natural curiosity.

xmaslolly76

I suppose it would depend on what he is looking at i would say it is natural for a young lad to try and look for pictures of naked women they are curious after all but the net has some very nasty stuff on there. If its just page three type stuff then i wouldnt worry to much if its anything more then it could obviously have adverse effects on the way he views women in the future. I think ginghams second paragraph hit the nail on the head :-)

ameliarate

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

In my opinion, the good cop bad cop routine isn't as effective as mum and dad 'singing from the same hymn sheet' so to speak, so it's good that you're trying that now.

Curiosity is normal and healthy. But how he views women is an important issue as is respecting the house rules. How you play it probably depends on your views on pornography. Either you can ban it and explain why, enforcing this with suitable consequences if he breaks your rules, or you can allow him to look at it but on the understanding that you have frank discussions about respecting women, sex, the difference between these fantasy pictures and real life etc etc.

If he's too uncomfortable to discuss the issues, then he's too young to look at the pictures in my opinion. I'd tell him that when he's ready to deal with the whole subject then he's ready to see what all the fuss is about.

And a priority is that he respects his younger sibling. If he can't protect him/her from his browsing history then he shouldn't be allowed on the computer.

As for not showing guilt or shame, is that something that is usually lacking when he's done something against the rules or is it something unexpected from him? It could simply be that he doesn't see any reason to feel guilty or ashamed about his natural curiosity.

Excellent post :T

mrcow

Personally as a mother, I'd prefer it if he was looking at magazines (where content is limited) rather than the internet where anything can go and others can see it (or it can be cached etc)

How do you feel about his dad getting him a magazine - as long as you (or anyone else) never sees it again?

It's hard - but for boys it is a normal part of growing up.

Lotus-eater

I was caught aged 9 I think with some mags me and some friends had got hold of, my Dad and Mum didn't go mad, in fact they handled it very well. (that was a one off )

Didn't make a big fuss, Dad just went over that it's normal to be curious about this sort of thing, but he was taking them away anyway, or something like that.

I was caught in loads of erm, situations, till the age of 16, never felt guilty once, even though some Mothers tried to make me feel that way.

If I'd had the internet..... I would have been a Mums worst nightmare.

In conclusion, try to teach him the right attitude, because you aren't going to stop him finding or searching, for some sort of !!!!!!.