Help Needed - what are my rights here?

jdturk

If you have to have this meeting with the bloke (which in a way I think you should as it could be sex discrimination) then if you are not comfortable could you not ask the HR lady to attend with you?

I can't think of any other way around this but I did think that maybe your stressing yourself over nothing and this guy whatever his beliefs maybe a professional

olias

To the OP, what on earth makes you think you have to go into detail about intimate gyno complaints? It would be perfectly adequate to saywords to the effect of 'I have a gynocological complaint of a personal nature for which I am recieving treatment, I can provide a letter from my GP and/or consultant. It has caused problems which would affect my ability to do x,y, and z at work and I anticipate further time off for treatment/appointments'. If they require the matter to be looked into any further then they should employ a company doctor to see you and provide a report to HR. There is absolutely no reason that the manager should ask for, or expect intimate details.

Olias

Mrs_Ryan

Thank you, Olias.

Right - this is the whole scenario. I know a lot of you think I'm over-reacting but I know what this lot are like at work - I'm so terrified of losing my job and my condition has caused me so many problems - I hate talking about it, espeically as the level it is at now was caused as a result of gross medical negligence.

Last time I had the meeting (with different managers) I was asked to explain in detail what exactly my illness was and how exactly it affected me. I did explain and was torn to shreds over it by the hospital manager :mad: as none of them had any idea what it was and thought I was bluffing. Thankfully, my old ward manager backed me up as she had seen me come in in bits when I lost my hair, and after that I saw the Occupational Health doctor who wrote a report for the ward manager explaining exactly what my problem was and how it would affect my life.
At the time I was looking into having IVF treatment but then I became pregnant naturally and lost it - I have now been advised that any more pregnancies would be detremental to my health and that has caused its own set of issues - last time I had one of these meetings I really got grilled about stuff that was no business of theirs but I was too frightened not to tell them - I'm just worried the same thing is going ot happen again. There really is some very personal issues going off which is why I'm too embarrassed to speak about them in front of my male ward manager. Basically my question was can I just refuse to tell them??? Thats all. I didnt intend to discriminate against anyone - really!

Savvy_Sue

I'm no expert, but I think I'd spend however much longer you plan to stay up tonight rehearsing the phrases olias suggested. Along with "there should be a report from the OccH doctor in my file, perhaps you could take a look at that before expecting me to go over details which as you can see I find quite upsetting."

Hope it goes OK.

dmg24

You are still dwelling on the fact that you don't want to tell them your medical issues because a man will be there. You really need to get past this fact, there is no reason why he will be any less understanding than a woman. If you refuse to discuss the reasons for your absence without good reason this would be very likely to lead to disciplinary action, and potentially a grievance against you by your manager (though I doubt he would take it so far).

Mrs_Ryan

thanks SavvySue.

I'm going to write those in a piece of paper in the back of my diary and commit them to memory. I have tried to sleep but I'm too worried about it - so I think I'll be up for a while yet.
dmg - thanks for the advice. they have reasons for my absences which I thought would be more than sufficient, in fact these were the reasons given by the medical professionals I saw with them. Like I say its just having to go into detail I'm unhappy about. Its not that i'm worried about him being understanding about it, like I say its just ot do with the personal nature of the problems.

jdturk

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

thanks SavvySue.

I'm going to write those in a piece of paper in the back of my diary and commit them to memory. I have tried to sleep but I'm too worried about it - so I think I'll be up for a while yet.
dmg - thanks for the advice. they have reasons for my absences which I thought would be more than sufficient, in fact these were the reasons given by the medical professionals I saw with them. Like I say its just having to go into detail I'm unhappy about. Its not that i'm worried about him being understanding about it, like I say its just ot do with the personal nature of the problems.

I do wish you luck in this but don't let them harras you into saying anymore than is required

Anihilator

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Its not just about the miscarriage thing, its actually about the whole bigger picture of my illness (PCOS)

His predecessor, a woman, did deal with it. I had a massive problem when my hair fell out due to it which was extremely upsetting.

Make your mind up
Either the company do know about your illness and background or they don't.

Mrs_Ryan

Its over and done with now.

A compromise was reached where I had to reveal some information but straight away my manager said if I was happier talking about it to my female managers that was perfectly fine with him (he volunteered that, I didnt push it)

So yes i was right to worry in a way but everything turned out ok in the end.

dmg24

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Its over and done with now.

A compromise was reached where I had to reveal some information but straight away my manager said if I was happier talking about it to my female managers that was perfectly fine with him (he volunteered that, I didnt push it)

So yes i was right to worry in a way but everything turned out ok in the end.

I'm glad it went ok, but please do not think that you were right to worry. In doing that you are confirming an irrational fear. You need to overcome it, not accept it as normal.