Help Needed - what are my rights here?

Mrs_Ryan

Hi everyone,

Just a quick question, something I'm a bit worried about, think I've posted about this before.

I work for the NHS, and in my hospital basically if you are off for a certain amount of time you have to go for this 'meeting' (read - rollocking for daring ot ring in sick!) with senior management.

I have one of these tomorrow. Last time was with an HR rep, the hospital manager and also my ward manager, who were all women so that wasnt a problem. Basically, my problem is a complicated gynae type one- my 6th pregnancy has just ended in a 6th miscarriage, which the deputy bosses at work (women) all know about and were really brilliant about. Also before the pregnancy ended in miscarriage I was considering a termination, which messed me up big style to be honest, and again my dep bosses knew all about this and the problems it was causing me.

However my new ward manager is a man. He is also very religious and I'm sure that he would disapprove if he knew about the termination. The reasons I was off didnt really have anything to do with my problem (although on one occasion it did in a way) but I remember in my last meeting I was grilled about my problem and what exactly the effects were.

I get the feeling I'm going to be grilled again and I really dont want to have to talk about in front of my ward manager. However I am also worried to stand up and say I dont want to talk about it in front of a man as they may think I am being deliberately obstructive. The HR rep is a woman and I am quite happy to talk to her about it but I dont want to feel like I am being judged. This meeting is formally documented but my union rep is on holiday so I cant ask her for help. I'm really worried about tomorrow as I dont want ot end up on a disciplianary but I'm having a difficult enough time at the minute!

Can anyone suggest how I could go about this?

Anihilator

You could act professionally.

Whether your line manager is male or female is irrelevent. I am sure he is able to empathise and act professionally whilst carrying out the relevent process and taking the relevent action afterwards.

The meeting as its not a first one will be to establish the reasons behind the illness, any solutions and the likiehood of reoccurence and whether the person can do their job; He will expect you to give the info to do this.

Frankly I think your post verges on sexual discrimination. Would you be happy if he refused to allow you to do something at work because you were female and he perceived it as being awquard.

dmg24

Have to agree with Anihilator, there is no reason why your manager should not conduct the meeting.

hellokittygal

'You could act professionally.'

That is unreasonably harsh. The OP is asking some advice over an issue she is uncomfortable discussing with her male supervisor.

He cannot be funny with you about you considering a termination as he cannot really bring his personal religious feelings to work.

It may be an uncomrfotable thing to talk about but you may just have to 'grin and bear it' as they say.

Hope it goes well for you.

Proc

hellokittygal wrote: »

That is unreasonably harsh. The OP is asking some advice over an issue she is uncomfortable discussing with her male supervisor.

I don't think it's harsh at all. If she was treated differently because she is female/aethiest she would no doubt be asking "what are my rights?".

Sexual and racial discrimination cut both ways.

Also, how do you know he's religious? Does he talk about God at work? Maybe he sits and does little prayers in the staff room? Or are you just assuming that he's religious because he's Indian/Pakistani - and they're all religious right? I'm guessing it's the latter, which again, just paints your racist colours.

hellokittygal

Proc wrote: »

I don't think it's harsh at all. If she was treated differently because she is female/aethiest she would no doubt be asking "what are my rights?".

Sexual and racial discrimination cut both ways.

Also, how do you know he's religious? Does he talk about God at work? Maybe he sits and does little prayers in the staff room? Or are you just assuming that he's religious because he's Indian/Pakistani - and they're all religious right? I'm guessing it's the latter, which again, just paints your racist colours.[/QUOTE]

Where has the OP been racist towardsa her boss? Can you please quote it for me?

The OP is merely uncomfortable with speaking about a very personal issue with a male boss who is unaware of her situation.

I am assuming that all the previous relpies were made by men who would have no concept of how distressing 6 miscarriages would be and then having to talk about them!!

wontfallforit

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

However my new ward manager is a man. He is also very religious and I'm sure that he would disapprove if he knew about the termination. The reasons I was off didnt really have anything to do with my problem (although on one occasion it did in a way) but I remember in my last meeting I was grilled about my problem and what exactly the effects were.

If he works in a hospital (regardless of exact position), and has any ounce of professionalism, you should be able to talk openly and frankly with him, on the trust that it'd be kept confidential.

His religion should be irrelevant. Whether he personally disapproves (and that's his choice...) is another matter - it should have no bearing on what he says to and how you're treated. If he does bring religion into it, then you'd have a 'case', but see what happens first.

As a woman I understand why you'd be embarrassed - I would be too - but you have to swallow your pride and deal with it like an adult, with either sex.

Sorry to hear about the problems you've been having - best of luck.

Vader123

I just don't see the gender issue here.

Is the OPs GP male? Her obs/gyn a male?

What has gender got to do with it?

If the Op was asking for a female rep in the meeting, fair enough.

But it seems just because the OP is female, and has had female only issues, suddenly her manager being male is a problem.

Vader

Anihilator

hellokittygal wrote: »

Proc wrote: »

I don't think it's harsh at all. If she was treated differently because she is female/aethiest she would no doubt be asking "what are my rights?".

Sexual and racial discrimination cut both ways.

Also, how do you know he's religious? Does he talk about God at work? Maybe he sits and does little prayers in the staff room? Or are you just assuming that he's religious because he's Indian/Pakistani - and they're all religious right? I'm guessing it's the latter, which again, just paints your racist colours.[/QUOTE]

Where has the OP been racist towardsa her boss? Can you please quote it for me?

The OP is merely uncomfortable with speaking about a very personal issue with a male boss who is unaware of her situation.

I am assuming that all the previous relpies were made by men who would have no concept of how distressing 6 miscarriages would be and then having to talk about them!!

The OP said she thought she wouldnt be treated properly because he was deeply religous. The poster has made the reasonable conclusion he is hence not of british origin as it is normally outwith here you find deeply religous people.

Secondly the male boss will know all about her situation. The info will be in her file and fully known by him.

Your last comment is just offensive. Not only women are affected by miscarriages. These children do have fathers. There is utterly no way to conclude a male is incapable of dealing with the situation appropiately and professionally with sympathy.

Typical woman post. You really do love the sexism when it suits you dont you

jdturk

wrote:

I am assuming that all the previous relpies were made by men who would have no concept of how distressing 6 miscarriages would be and then having to talk about them!!

To be fair no woman could undertand the anguish felt by the OP either unless they have gone through this themself. However most men in this situation would probably be happier letting a woman deal with it if they were asked

mikey72

Proc wrote: »

I don't think it's harsh at all. If she was treated differently because she is female/aethiest she would no doubt be asking "what are my rights?".

Sexual and racial discrimination cut both ways.

Also, how do you know he's religious? Does he talk about God at work? Maybe he sits and does little prayers in the staff room? Or are you just assuming that he's religious because he's Indian/Pakistani - and they're all religious right? I'm guessing it's the latter, which again, just paints your racist colours.

Is that your own view?
I think you may find most cultures are religious, google catholic.