Help Needed - what are my rights here?

wontfallforit

Anihilator wrote: »

Your last comment is just offensive. Not only women are affected by miscarriages. These children do have fathers. There is utterly no way to conclude a male is incapable of dealing with the situation appropiately and professionally with sympathy.

Anihilator! You have a heart! Who knew

dmg24

hellokittygal wrote: »

I am assuming that all the previous relpies were made by men who would have no concept of how distressing 6 miscarriages would be and then having to talk about them!!

I am a woman. The ability to understand the importance of professionalism in a meeting between employer and employee has nothing to do with sex.

Savvy_Sue

to the OP, the only thing I can suggest if you are struggling with this is that you ring and speak to the HR rep before the meeting and ask if there is any way of not discussing your innards and inner turmoil with a male manager. Be guided by them, and take a big box of hankies with you, I know I'd need them.

dickydonkin

Or are you just assuming that he's religious because he's Indian/Pakistani - and they're all religious right? I'm guessing it's the latter, which again, just paints your racist colours.

Proc
You are making accusations of assumption - just have a review of your last sentence - somewhat contradictory don't you think?

mikey72

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

to the OP, the only thing I can suggest if you are struggling with this is that you ring and speak to the HR rep before the meeting and ask if there is any way of not discussing your innards and inner turmoil with a male manager. Be guided by them, and take a big box of hankies with you, I know I'd need them.

That could never sound well though, it's got to be either sexist, or religious discrimination, and would never lead to good relations with the manager in the future.
It would be better to attend and see if the manager brings a religious discrimination of his own into the conversation, then HR can log that if he does.

Savvy_Sue

I never said it would sound well, or be conducive to good future relations. I'm just saying it's the only thing I can suggest. If HR are at least aware of her fears - rational or not, and I for one can't blame her for them! - they can advise. If she doesn't make them aware and breaks down and walks out after 5 minutes, it doesn't help anyone, does it?

It's also possible that HR will have sat in on similarly sensitive meetings with this chap before, and will be able to reassure Mrs R that he is all heart and extremely sensitive and professional. Who knows?

Mrs_Ryan

Jeez - I never realised I would open such a can of worms!

Firstly, yes, the manager is very religious - he doesnt make a secret of the fact he is also training to be a deacon outside of work. He is of white british origin actually and his Catholic beliefs are well known at work - mainly through himself so how can something based on hard fact be racist?!

Secondly, the information is not in my file. All of this has happened since my last meeting and occuptional health were not aware of it. He is only aware of the fact (as I told him very vaguely, I had to infrom him when I found out i was pregnant) that I have had a difficult medical history to which he didnt probe any further.

Thirdly, my GP is a woman as is the consultant at the hospital - thats just the way it happens to be, there is only 1 male GP at my practice so 9 timeso ut of 10 i happen to see a woman GP.

I'm not deliberately being sexist, I just really feel very uncomfortable with talking about intimate gynaecological complaints with my male manager! There are other issues other than the 6 miscarriages that do cause me to have time off (for example I had time off with an infection related to my condition) and while I am aware my manager is a nice bloke and very professional I cant help being embarrassed by having to talk about it in front of him!

ohreally

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

my union rep is on holiday so I cant ask her for help.

You could have requested a postponement until the rep returned from annual leave, or found a different rep.

Mrs_Ryan

we are not allowed a union rep to accompany us. I did request a postponement on the grounds I was due to be on night duty today but it wasnt granted.

jdturk

Mrs_Ryan wrote: »

Jeez - I never realised I would open such a can of worms!

Firstly, yes, the manager is very religious - he doesnt make a secret of the fact he is also training to be a deacon outside of work. He is of white british origin actually and his Catholic beliefs are well known at work - mainly through himself so how can something based on hard fact be racist?!

Secondly, the information is not in my file. All of this has happened since my last meeting and occuptional health were not aware of it.

Thirdly, my GP is a woman as is the consultant at the hospital - thats just the way it happens to be, there is only 1 male GP at my practice so 9 timeso ut of 10 i happen to see a woman GP.

I'm not deliberately being sexist, I just really feel very uncomfortable with talking about intimate gynaecological complaints with my male manager! There are other issues other than the 6 miscarriages that do cause me to have time off (for example I had time off with an infection related to my condition) and while I am aware my manager is a nice bloke and very professional I cant help being embarrassed by having to talk about it in front of him!

If it was me I would offer him the opportunity to let you speak to someone else regarding this matter and then get a report from HR sent to him, that way your not directly telling him but he also isn't being side stepped