Feeling broody,is 37 too old to do it all again?

rainbowbrite_2

Just going through things in my head just now and needing a chat and some advice from others please.
I am 37,I am married,I have 2 kids already,a teenager and a 7 year old.The age gap between those 2 children wasn,t intentional,it just happened like that.
It was a bit strange at first having a child in upper primary and baby at the same time.It was a bigger age gap than anyone I knew had in their families.
Everyone who knew me thought I was mad to have kids so far apart and said it would be like having 2 seperate families and that the kids would never get along.It didnt happen like that though thankfully.It has worked out well for me in that I doint think I have the nerves to handle more than one little one at a time.The kids get on really well together but are not as close as they would have been had their ages been closer,obviously they are too old to play together like you would expect siblings to but the older one has taken the youngest to clubs,movies etc and does arts and crafts etc.
The youngest has been asking for a little brother or sister for years now and I always said they were my last child and I was too old to have any more babies.
But I am feeling broody.I think it would be great to have more kids ,maybe 2 more before I am too old,if I am not too old already.
Am I too old,is the age gap already too big,should I just stop thinking about it?
Hubby and I have spoken about it lately and he isnt saying one way or another whether he wants to or not.I think he is leaving it up to me to decide if we could,or should.
Everything to do with looking after the kids is down to me anyway so I suppose he thinks if I can manage it then he has no worries about it.
We only have a 3 bed house and already know we cannot afford a bigger one in the area.It would be easy to allocate bedrooms etc,there would have to be sharing of rooms.We would have the teenager in the boxroom as now,the medium sized room would be ours and the large room woyuld have to be shared between all younger ones if we have any more children.Money is tight but I guess when you have kids it always is and we do manage easily enough now without struggling with savvy shopping and menu plans etc,nothing left for extras though.
I just wonder if there are are other people who have big gaps between having children or if my way is very odd?

SandC

Well it's ultimately what you and your husband want. You're not too old and the age gap could be hugely beneficial in other ways when they are all grown up. Not all kids close in age get on nicely and play together!

Having said the above, I don't think the living situation would be ideal. 3 kids in one room with the teenager having a room to himself. You say money is tight already, what about if the teenager wants to go to uni - what about all of them wanting to go to uni? I know they would be able to get loans but there's still a lot of financial commitment from a parent (or rather there should be in my view).

Of course, you would manage, people always do. I would personally be weighing up the pros and cons over the long term - it's ultimately about what you are comfortable with in terms of your children having material things or being able to do the things their friends do.

fairydawn

Hi, I am 38 and mum to DS who is 20, DD who is 15 and DS2 who is 6 months. It is harder this time and you forget how tireing it is with a new baby. Like you have said finacially you just manage, lots of car booting. Having a supportive family definatly helps.
There are lots of women having babies in their late 30's and ultimatly the decission is yours.
All the best whatever you decide.
Dawn

rainbowbrite_2

Yes the living arrangements would be awkward if the house stayed as it is now.The biggest room is really big though and could be made into 2 seperate rooms so we could have 4 bedrooms in total.Our rooms are massive but few and we could easily divide the space up to allow more smaller private spaces upstairs.
Uni,the oldest one has already decided not to go to uni and knows what he wants to do,is in first year apprenticeship now.
We have 2 monthly savings/investment plans for the other child which started the week he was born.One plan matures at age 18,just in time for uni,and the other at 21.It would fund uni easily.We would do the same for any other children.
I would hope I could teach children the value of things which are not material.I have been materialistic in the past and do still like nice things but I no longer feel the need to spoil my children with things.There are nicer ways to spend time other than spending money.There are also ways to get next size clothes without spending a fortune,swap sites,free cycle,ebay for clothing bundles etc.
I think children get too much these days anyway.
Our income would go further if we tried harder or if we had to split it more ways.

3onitsway

I'm also 38 and have an almost 13 year old boy, a 9 year old girl and a baby girl who turned one yesterday.

If it's what you and OH want - then go for it while you still can.

I found being pregnant this time harder and more tiring, but I think thats more that I worked until 8 months pregnant and had two others to run about after rather than it being due to my old age!

But the having a new baby around, i've found much easier this time round;
i'm calmer,
more laid back,
i'm confident I know what i'm doing,
i don't listen to hv's ,
DD1 is a wonderful help.

We're also in a 3 bed, and the bedroom situation is tricky. DD2 is still in with us at the moment. We've discussed what we're going to do and my plan was to put the two girls in the middle sized bedroom, and let DS keep the little room.
But, DD1 has decided she'd prefer to share the middle sized room with DS for a while, and let DD2 have the little room. It makes more sense as they'll watch dvd's, do homework etc when DD2 would be in bed.

miss_independent

My mum was 39 when she had me. 20 year gap between me and my oldest brother. I was an accident, she REALLY didn't want anymore kids but she sees me as her best friend and really feels her age made her a better mum to me and she was in a more comfortable position financially and emotionally - in a word are you too old to do it all again - NO !

Errata

Seems to me that this surely should be a joint discussion and decision rather than your OH leaving it up to you ?

rainbowbrite_2

I think what started me feeling broody again was seeing a woman in the park with a toddler on a swing.She looked just 2 or 3 years older than me, and I thought isnt it nice that women can have children later these days and feel its normal,its acceptable now, whereas until quite recently it was definately much more difficult to be accepted as an older mum.
Then I heard her say,"come to gran",and I thought Oh my god,I am nearly her age,I am nearly old enough to be a gran,I am not done being a mum yet!
I am sure thats what started me thinking about it again.It a case of having a desperate urge to have more children before time runs out for me.

Rachel021967

I had my youngest daughter just before my 38th birthday. My elder daughters were aged 8 and almost 11 at the time. I've found having such a large age gap has meant my youngest is almost like an only child. She needs a lot of 1 to 1 attention than the elder 2 who were closer in age and played a lot together. My youngest is 5 now and my elder 2 are teenagers and are readily available for babysitting. So in that way it is easier.

swiss69

My view on this is it all depends on why you want another baby.

Is it down to the fact that your youngest is no longer as needy as they were and you feel like something is missing? Is the body clock telling you that there might only be a few years left to try?

What happens with the proposed room sharing if they are boy/girl? This cant go on forever and nowadays there is no guarantee that the eldest will be ready to leave home when he is 18/21.

If money is tight now, how tight will it be if another baby comes along? Can you realistically afford it?

You say your husband is happy either way. That is a typical man response. I would push him and see what he really wants. Are you the decision maker in the family or him? If its you then he may just be going along with it as he probably does with most decisions. If its him then probe further to get the real view.

If you both choose to do it then great and good luck to you.

Lara

It sounds to me you have already made up your mind. There are lots of people having babies older than you. So go for it I say - otherwise you'll always be wondering what would have happened if you didn't! . Good Luck and hope it all turns out well.