What chores would you expect from an 18-year-old living at home?

smartpicture

Just want some ideas of what's reasonable here, and as we can't agree we've decided you lot can be the tie-breaker!

My DD18 is at college doing A-levels and has a part-time job and I work full-time. Her jobs around the house are to keep her room and all her stuff tidy, do the dishwasher & clean the work-surfaces after dinner. We have a cleaner who also does the ironing. I do the washing, cooking, shopping, paying the bills and everything else. I think she should start doing some of the cooking, say a couple of times a week, or maybe do the Tesco run occasionally. She says I'm trying to treat her like a flat-mate rather than being a mum, because 'that's what mum's do'.

We don't argue, she's not a stroppy teenager and is normally quite mature and we have talked about it, but just can't agree on this issue. If I got cross and 'made' her, I'm sure she would do it, but since she's 18 now I'd prefer not to take that path. So, tie-breakers, what do you think?

gill_81uk

How about starting off by getting her to cook one meal a week? Maybe her friends don't have Mum's who work full time and you could stress to her how lovely it would be for you to have one night where you come home and tea is cooked for you. She could choose the night which fits in best around her college and job.

TeetersOnHeels

I too work full time - shifts, some days until 9pm. On those late days my 15yr old DS will hoover, sort the dishwasher if it needs emptying and is capable of putting a load of washing in. He does need a note leave to say what needs doing,(think he's got that bloke gene which means he doesn't automatically realise what needs doing ) but never moans.. So although he's not doing things around the house everyday, he's doing bits 2 or 3 times a week. He's wanting to join the forces when he leaves school, and I don't think it will do him any harm to realise his clothes don't wash and iron themselves!!!

pigpen

I'd have her do her own laundry.. if it isn't a full load she can add some of yours in too.. and transfer to dryer/hang up and fold to be put away.

Clear up after herself as she went along would be good.

I don't see why cooking a meal once or twice a week is an issue.. if she lacks kitchen confidence how about she helps you.. peels veg, simple stir fry, prep salad etc also setting table, getting out plates etc.. all simple stuff that gives you a bit of time together.

I did all this as well as bathing my 2 younger sisters and most of the house cleaning (vacuuming, pot washing, laundry) from being about 14.

SandC

It's difficult when you have a dishwasher and a cleaner.

From 16 I used to do the dishes on a Sunday after the roast and hoover and dust the upstairs (and the stairs themselves) every week. That's 4 bedrooms and a bathroom!

I would also concur with the washing or give the cleaner a reduction in chores and have her do her own ironing.

nearlyrich

My two one DD and one DS did one meal a week each from about 13/14 and took turns with me to do the washing each week, my DD would probably rather not too but in this house we all do a bit so no-one has to do everything.

thistledome

gill_81uk wrote: »

How about starting off by getting her to cook one meal a week? Maybe her friends don't have Mum's who work full time and you could stress to her how lovely it would be for you to have one night where you come home and tea is cooked for you. She could choose the night which fits in best around her college and job.

I like this idea, it's non-confrontational too. Until you've had to cook dinner every night you don't realise what a luxury it is to be presented with a cooked meal by someone else, and it's something that's easily taken for granted.

Also I would expect her to do her own washing at 18.

jinky67

At the age of 18 I was running my own house with a baby, so I think she is more than capable of doing everything that you do, except pay the bills and financial stuff

If I were you I would be taking turns about doing washing,cleaning and cooking:D

Mojisola

smartpicture wrote: »

Just want some ideas o
My DD18 is at college doing A-levels and has a part-time job and I work full-time. Her jobs around the house are to keep her room and all her stuff tidy, do the dishwasher & clean the work-surfaces after dinner. We have a cleaner who also does the ironing. I do the washing, cooking, shopping, paying the bills and everything else. I think she should start doing some of the cooking, say a couple of times a week, or maybe do the Tesco run occasionally. She says I'm trying to treat her like a flat-mate rather than being a mum, because 'that's what mum's do'.

We don't argue, she's not a stroppy teenager and is normally quite mature and we have talked about it, but just can't agree on this issue. If I got cross and 'made' her, I'm sure she would do it, but since she's 18 now I'd prefer not to take that path. So, tie-breakers, what do you think?

I would tell her that now she's an adult, she doesn't need Mum to do things for her and that she's getting away lightly with the small amount of stuff you are asking her to do. We have four adults living in our house - I see no reason why I should continue to do domestic work for two of them just because I did it when they were children. We share the work and the cost of running a house just like housemates would do.

She can't choose to be adult in some areas of her life and still expect to be looked after like a child by you!

Gingham_Ribbon

smartpicture wrote: »

My DD18 is at college doing A-levels and has a part-time job and I work full-time. Her jobs around the house are to keep her room and all her stuff tidy, do the dishwasher & clean the work-surfaces after dinner. We have a cleaner who also does the ironing. I do the washing, cooking, shopping, paying the bills and everything else. I think she should start doing some of the cooking, say a couple of times a week, or maybe do the Tesco run occasionally. She says I'm trying to treat her like a flat-mate rather than being a mum, because 'that's what mum's do'.

It depends on whether she wants to be treated as a child or as an adult. At 18, and sensible, mature and hardworking, being treated as an adult may involve her making her own decisions about where she's going, when she'll be home etc. By the same token, she needs to accept that all the adults in the house are equally responsible for the chores. You're providing financially for her, emotionally etc too obviously. It's time for her to step up and take on her role as a mature member of the family. That does mean increasing her workload, but it doesn't need to happen all at once.

Part of a mum's job is to prepare her child for leaving home and that includes being able to cook, do laundry, plan a menu, shop and clean. If she doesn't take on these jobs, even on a rota, she'll be at a disadvantage when she leaves home.

So, yes, that's what mums do, but it's not all we do, nor should it be our responsibility to do it once our children are adults and able to be treated as equals.

:beer::j

andrealm

Is she planning to go to university and live away from home? If so she'll need to learn to do things for herself. It's definitely not unreasonable to ask her to cook a couple of times a week and do a few other things as well, like some of the laundry and hoovering.