Reformed shopaholic? please can you give me the benefit of your advice

Sharona

Hi all,

First post here. Loving reading the thread and the honesty of the folks on here.

Have realised that I have strong shopaholic tendencies, but have recognised a pattern of behaviour that I think can be addressed. Basically, anything that happens to me, good or bad, I emotionally feel the need to react by buying something new. Particularly after a stressful day at work, I feel this overwhelming rush to buy something (always clothes) to calm me down and make me feel that things are ok and under control.

Mostly, once I get purchases home, the rush has worn off and I feel guilt - and end up taking the clothes back for a refund a few days later.

I wish I could get out of this binge/purge cycle. I bought a bubblegum pink cashmere jumper in M&S the other night and it is actually one of the rare things I have bought that I actually love - for me to describe it to you, I would say it's one of those things that I saw and it was love at first sight - it actually makes my heart sing! BUT it was £49.50 - a lot of money, altho I have 2 x unworn M&S jumpers (1 brown, 1 grey - sensible sale purchases but...) that I could take back to make up the money. Feeling a lot of guilt and not sure what to do, but maybe it's better to have 1 thing you truly love, than several things that are bought in the moment of 'I MUST buy!!'?

Not sure if this post makes a lot of sense. Guess where I want to be is to be able to only buy things I love, on my terms, because they make my heart sing and not because I'm a slave to that emotion of 'I HAVE to have something new, anything, even if I don't like it all that much really...'

Hope you guys can make sense of this!

xx

morocha

Hi sharona, welcome !

i think you are right there, it is better to get something that you truly like and will use loads rather than buying the things on sale for the sake of it.
I find myself now looking for things that i really really like, if i can not afford it., i will wait for the sales, but then try to get only things that i will use and stop my tendencies to only buy because it is really cheap.

Anglea

Hi Sharona,

I understand the buying urge I'm fed up with myself for buying stuff I don't need yet never buying what is necessary whether it's clothes, furniture etc.

I've got to the conclusion that whatever item makes us crave/drool etc we will go out of our way to get it. But anything else seems just hassle I'm not willing to put myself out for.Probably the same about the rest of life, I procrastinate and avoid things I don't want to do.

What about the rest of you - are you avoiders too?

CompletelyLost

Sharona wrote: »

Mostly, once I get purchases home, the rush has worn off and I feel guilt - and end up taking the clothes back for a refund a few days later.

I wish I could get out of this binge/purge cycle. I bought a bubblegum pink cashmere jumper in M&S the other night and it is actually one of the rare things I have bought that I actually love - for me to describe it to you, I would say it's one of those things that I saw and it was love at first sight - it actually makes my heart sing! BUT it was £49.50 - a lot of money, altho I have 2 x unworn M&S jumpers (1 brown, 1 grey - sensible sale purchases but...) that I could take back to make up the money. Feeling a lot of guilt and not sure what to do, but maybe it's better to have 1 thing you truly love, than several things that are bought in the moment of 'I MUST buy!!'?

Ahhhh what you describe is just what I do. binge-purge shoppinh is what I do, too. Then like you, when I see something I truly love I end up taking back some things to compensate for it. I suppose it's not a bad thing that we take things back... the alternative (keeping it all just to look at - my sister does that) is worse but still it's probably not a healthy thing to do.

Glad to hear you found something you truly love though. If I am honest, I rarely find anything I love so much that I don't even debate returning it The truth is that if I knew I couldn't return half the stuff I buy, I probably wouldn't buy it in the first place.

NGlady wrote: »

In regards to Big wardrobe, I have had some fantastic 'swaps'. And I have made through doing it a extremely good friend who will I shall be friends with for a long time, so aswell as a great swap of getting new clothes for cheap, if you embrace the social atmosphere of the forum, you will have a good giggle on the forums too However, as well as some fantastic swaps, there has been some not so great ones, but mainly these not so great ones was my fault, these happend in the earlier stages of bigwardrobe, in those days I would swap for anything I thought was pretty and to be honest it cluttered me up a lot, so I have really had to get into the logic of "would I purchase this in the shop" or "What woud I wear this with and wear" it really does help, because whilst it isnt expensive it is still a couple of quid and it can still start to add up


Im doing good today Apart from it being valentines day Went to nephews birthday party, saw my sister for her birthday and now waiting for my Indian to arrive

I was thinking that the cost of posting things might add up... but at least you're getting rid of something as well as receiving something, so trading clutter rather than it building up as it would if you were shopping :D

Hope you enjoyed your takeaway.

Anglea wrote: »

Hi all

Nglady - handsome Indian is he?

I've had a shop-free day - visiting relatives and currently feeling very nauseous as I was with ex and we were on a very long drive home all twisty narrow lanes and it took ages to get back - in the end he was feeling sick too!

Completelylost - I think the main problem with my inability to sort my clothes is a fear of never being able to get anything that fits. I think that is because a couple of years back I got rid of 90% of my clothes most of them were really nice and stylish and fit well. However, since then I struggled to get items that were as comfortable, so kept buying more and more misfits. However I'd rather have them, than nothing.

Of course that doesn't really make sense. If I only wear a couple of things and have a wardrobe of stuff I can't use, it does seem pointless to keep them. One day I'll have to be brave.

I think what you wrote makes perfect sense (though maybe I have a warped mind when it comes to these things ).

I have a lot of misfits and 'make do' clothes too, mainly because I rarely fall in love with anything. I get bored with an item quickly... or I'll wear it a few times and them pick faults with it, i.e. it makes me arms look big, it's too low cut, it makes me look old, etc etc... I think my biggest problem is that I am fatter and less confident than I ever was. Maybe once I get the weight off, things will look and feel better on me?! Who knows!

Anglea

CompletelyLost wrote: »

snipped

I think what you wrote makes perfect sense (though maybe I have a warped mind when it comes to these things ).

I have a lot of misfits and 'make do' clothes too, mainly because I rarely fall in love with anything. I get bored with an item quickly... or I'll wear it a few times and them pick faults with it, i.e. it makes me arms look big, it's too low cut, it makes me look old, etc etc... I think my biggest problem is that I am fatter and less confident than I ever was. Maybe once I get the weight off, things will look and feel better on me?! Who knows!

I completely agree with you. Sometimes I buy something and wear it admiring myself in the mirror, thinking I look the bees knees. A few weeks later I put it on and wonder what on earth was I thinking of. and I'm embarassed by it. Strange how that happens. I sometimes wonder if light/sunlight can be part of it e.g. one summer I ordered some trousers and waited ages for them, eventually told they had run out and sent me a substitute, coral 3/4 length. I didn't like them, but one day put them with a nice blouse, vest, necklace and stunned when I saw my reflection, I looked really good. Out shopping I kept getting compliments so was pleased. But the next time I went to put them on I was horrified how I looked and never wore them again. It wasn't the trousers as much as the top half, but it was exactly the same as the previous time. Yet I looked completely different. Weird.

CompletelyLost

Anglea wrote: »

I completely agree with you. Sometimes I buy something and wear it admiring myself in the mirror, thinking I look the bees knees. A few weeks later I put it on and wonder what on earth was I thinking of. and I'm embarassed by it. Strange how that happens. I sometimes wonder if light/sunlight can be part of it e.g. one summer I ordered some trousers and waited ages for them, eventually told they had run out and sent me a substitute, coral 3/4 length. I didn't like them, but one day put them with a nice blouse, vest, necklace and stunned when I saw my reflection, I looked really good. Out shopping I kept getting compliments so was pleased. But the next time I went to put them on I was horrified how I looked and never wore them again. It wasn't the trousers as much as the top half, but it was exactly the same as the previous time. Yet I looked completely different. Weird.

Yes! I've had similar things happen to me and usually I've removed the tags so can't take it back :mad:

I think you could be right about lighting though... when I'm on holiday in the bright sunshine I always look better than I do in dull old Britain I often look back at old holiday snaps and wonder what on earth I was thinking when I wore something, but I swear it looked better on holiday than it does in the photos :rotfl:

I definitely think changing room lighting is rigged too, to make you look different (not always better though o_0 sometimes I get items home and they look much better in my bedroom light than they ever did in the shop).

Right, I'm off to bed as I'm knackered even though I've done very little today! x

salesaddict

Sharona wrote: »

Hi all,

First post here. Loving reading the thread and the honesty of the folks on here.

Have realised that I have strong shopaholic tendencies, but have recognised a pattern of behaviour that I think can be addressed. Basically, anything that happens to me, good or bad, I emotionally feel the need to react by buying something new. Particularly after a stressful day at work, I feel this overwhelming rush to buy something (always clothes) to calm me down and make me feel that things are ok and under control.

Mostly, once I get purchases home, the rush has worn off and I feel guilt - and end up taking the clothes back for a refund a few days later.

I wish I could get out of this binge/purge cycle. I bought a bubblegum pink cashmere jumper in M&S the other night and it is actually one of the rare things I have bought that I actually love - for me to describe it to you, I would say it's one of those things that I saw and it was love at first sight - it actually makes my heart sing! BUT it was £49.50 - a lot of money, altho I have 2 x unworn M&S jumpers (1 brown, 1 grey - sensible sale purchases but...) that I could take back to make up the money. Feeling a lot of guilt and not sure what to do, but maybe it's better to have 1 thing you truly love, than several things that are bought in the moment of 'I MUST buy!!'?

Not sure if this post makes a lot of sense. Guess where I want to be is to be able to only buy things I love, on my terms, because they make my heart sing and not because I'm a slave to that emotion of 'I HAVE to have something new, anything, even if I don't like it all that much really...'

Hope you guys can make sense of this!

xx

Hello Sharona,

your whole post totally makes sense to me:).

I suppose we feel less guilt about a sales purchase.
But then we can end up with a lot of stuff that we don't love.

I hope you keep the jumper you love.:)

salesaddict

Anglea wrote: »

I completely agree with you. Sometimes I buy something and wear it admiring myself in the mirror, thinking I look the bees knees. A few weeks later I put it on and wonder what on earth was I thinking of. and I'm embarassed by it. Strange how that happens. I sometimes wonder if light/sunlight can be part of it e.g. one summer I ordered some trousers and waited ages for them, eventually told they had run out and sent me a substitute, coral 3/4 length. I didn't like them, but one day put them with a nice blouse, vest, necklace and stunned when I saw my reflection, I looked really good. Out shopping I kept getting compliments so was pleased. But the next time I went to put them on I was horrified how I looked and never wore them again. It wasn't the trousers as much as the top half, but it was exactly the same as the previous time. Yet I looked completely different. Weird.

I wonder if this is a typically female thing to do?
I certainly have done exactly the same as you.
I think it's a lack of self esteem that seems to be endemic in women.
I think all of my female freinds would recognise themselves in what you have written.

Anglea

Hi everyone,

How did you get on today?

I stopped in as I offered to cook a massive joint of meat (biggest I've ever seen) for ex's family as they are unable to manage through infirmity. However, it turned out to be too big for the pan I borrowed from them so decided it's going to be done in stages over the next few days..

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm always offering to do things for people then discovering that it's a lot more complicated than expected or something goes wrong. Last week I was doing their washing and that became a fiasco LOL

Still messing around in the kitchen made me completely forget about shopping!

Anyone watch Loose Women today? There was a conversation about make up along the lines we've had on here.

NGlady

I've just found a bag of clothes that I thought had gone to the Charity shop in the Sky when I moved last May...

Ooo just to let everybody know if you dont already, Ebay are doing free listings this thursday and Friday