New year, New me (finally)

thrifty_fifty

Wise words Mrs R

Well today has been a very productive day in terms of philosophy and general thinking. Had another training session today, which is really good as it involves learning, and this is something I thrive on.

The dress will go back tomorrow it is the right thing to do. I need to change my behaviour in order to change my situation.As I suspected after wearing the garment for a day, by the end the novelty had worn off, which inevitably it does with anything I buy. Doesn't smell new anymore, onto the next thing.

So what am I learning? That I can see myself coming a mile off, I know my shopping habits, and I know why I do it. It's a temporary fix to have something new. By having these new clothes, it makes me look different, therefore makes me think that I am somehow coming out of my crysallis and turning into a butterfly.Wrong!

Whilst I love the catwalk clothes and always have- to me they are like artwork, I'm buying into an ideal, and a superficial one at that. I may be able to physically change myself or at least my appearance on the outside, but on the inside I am still the same person.

What is interesting is that when I get a day out of the office and go on training, I'm a new person. I'm motivated, enthusiastic and have a real thirst for life. I also do not think about shopping. People in the group who are in better jobs than me, and who I thought were more confident, actually had less confidence than me in the end. No-one wanted to get up and stand in front of the group to present our ideas. I did it again for the second week running, and I fed off it. Not only did I not need to hold the folder as my shield, to stop me shaking, I actually stepped away from the clipboard, looked openly out into the room and addressed everyone, and spoke more naturally and not like reading off a page. It's not so scary afterall. So it seems that whilst I think I am the shy one of the group, I'm actually the ballsiest. Go me!

Clearly this says to me then, that I'm trying to create an artificial environment for myself, when really I need to address the physical everyday problems in order to make myself more happy. Whether I will still have a penchant for nice things, I'm sure I will, but for now that needs to go on the back burner and I need to work on me.

Me needs to get out of unfulfilling work, and to go and do something that I have a real passion for. I believe that when this is sorted then everything else will fall into place.

What I'm doing at the moment is self sabotaging myself. I apply for jobs that I know I will be unsatisfied in, do not push me, and more essentially don't give me a great sense of contributing, or giving something back. I don't feel that what I am doing is amazing in any way, I need to do something that has a big impact not only on me but for others aswell.

I have never wanted an ordinary life, and by sheltering myself from my true potential, it's like a butterfly living in a cave for all their life. I've always been strong willed, and accepting my lot in life has never been something that I have been willing to accept. If you want something so badly, you will go out there and find a way to make it happen.

It really infuriated me today when our trainer asked what would de motivate me in a job. I said that for me training and progression is vital. I can't stand it when an potential employer asks you in an interview where you see yourself in the next five years, and promises a bright future ahead of you with plenty of opportunites. You get the job only to find that you are stuck at the bottom of the rung and there is not even a hint of that. I feel that in my current job that I was latched onto, clearly little self confidence, because they said after they interviewed me, there was no need to see any other candidates. Their words not mine. So they also said that basically with my skills that I could go as far as I wanted and they would support me along the way. Well I have been going on the ILM training which they have allowed me, which I can't complain about really. In return however, they have received valuable input that has changed faculty processes amongst others. This is good for my CV and my confidence, because basically I know that I am very capable of leading a team, and I have many good ideas, and can see logical ways of doing things that others may not be able to see. I am more qualified than my manager who is three grades above me, so why am I languishing as one of the bottom feeders?

I've constructed my own version of the graduate 'not so' fast track scheme, by making jobs choices based on the skills that they would help me acquire in what I hope is a logical progression. The idea that I shouldn't expect progression and that everyone basically applies for a job, hoping to stay at a certain level for me is total bullcarp.

Life is not a dress rehersal and I want to grab it by the horns and live it to the max, substitutes are not good enough. I refuse to accept that I'm part of a large herd, I'm an individual with lots of passion and enthusiasm. Yeah!

thrifty_fifty

Shiny new total coming up tomorrow. Payday at last!!! Have been very naughty with the snacky spends this month so after I have taken back my dress tomorrow, the switch card will be coming out of the purse, so no temptation. Lets rock these totals!!!

thrifty_fifty

Brand new shiny total.

:j

thrifty_fifty

Another rubbishy kind of day at work. However firmly cemented in my mind that I am not suited to it. HOD left my number for someone concerning personal business to call them back. That is overstepping the mark. I am not a personal assistant. What next? Booking dentist appointments and taking the children to school?

I'm done. Stab me in the back and try and get me into trouble, and then insult me by treating me as cheap labour? No Way.

thrifty_fifty

There's a creature buzzing in my bedroom. It hasn't shown itself yet but it sounds like a bluebottle or a bee. I don't want to switch the light off, just incase it gets me. I hate buzzy things-daddy longlegs, the sound of moths hitting the lightbulb when they dance around it, and bees buzzing round your head. I think it's behind the cabinet, but how did it get in?

thrifty_fifty

Morning

Well I was naughty and did spend yesterday, it was £29 but I will take the dress back to cover it.

Total shop should have come to £293.

Saville Row work shirt-£50 (£6)
BCBG Maxazria t shirt-£39 (£5)
Nougat cardigan £95 (£9)
Eryn Brinnie? cardigan £109 (£9)

thrifty_fifty

Oh and the above was not a random purchase, they are all work clothes which I will need for next winter as my cardigans are hole-y, and baggy and fading.

Gutted yesterday, a rather inexpensive favourite pair of my jelly shoes broke , halfway round my walk in town I had to limp back to work. It was a very sad moment throwing them in the bin. They cost me £4 two summers ago, and I was hoping to get them through a third one. Hey ho. Mmmm having a barbecue later, no alcohol as I'm driving

Woowoo

Morning Thrifty

Pleased to see your survived the night and the creature didn't get you! Did it show its face, what was it?

Essential work purchases are allowed!

You'll be under £11k soon, stick with it x

thrifty_fifty

Morning fellow DFWs,

As I am writing you will guess that I have not been attacked by the creature. I suspect it may be a wasp or bee. As to its location the buzzing was coming from above one of the halogen spotlights. I think the cottage has a false ceiling with those flat to the surface spotlighty things. Anyway there was buzzing, and each time that happened there was a small lot of dust coming out inbetween where the bulb meets the fitting. All quiet today so far. Lets just hope they're not getting it on up there, and building a nest. Eeek!

Legs are aching after yesterday. We helped to clear up the garden of a friend who has just moved rented accomodation, pending birth of the first born. When I say clear the garden, it was more of a jungle, couch grass forms the lawn with a mixture of dandelions and brambles through it. Hacked through overgrown shrubs, weeds, etc, etc.

The thing I don't get is why some landlords are getting away with presenting a property like that? The rent you are paying each month is the equivalent of paying their mortgage. Why do they think that because you are renting you somehow have lower standards? The slabs are crumbling among other things. Maybe I worry too much, but between lettings I'd get in there give it a once over, and address issues like the garden. They hadn't even cleaned, when he moved in.

Helped our other friends move into their rented property, and in the living room, it seems that they have set the central heating pipes too close to the floorboards. When you walk through the front room door into the middle room, the floorboards touch the pipe and it clangs. Ooh la la!

Anyway on the clothing front, I am going to set aside some funds to sort some professional work clothes out. Something that makes me look like I mean business. I've now stocked up on essentials-new white vest to go under some low cut tops (why do they cut basic jersey tops that low? We don't all want to display a heaving cleavage at work, well if we had one to heave). Anyway I digress, I have some plain white essentials-my vests are from three summers ago and have now started to look tired.

House of fraser had some lovely L.K Bennett work type wrap dresses for £30, and shoes and boots for £20-£30 http://www.lkbennett.com/outlet/dresses/30240BLACK http://www.lkbennett.com/outlet/dresses/30132EMERALD and http://www.lkbennett.com/outlet/dresses/30144BLUE, so one dress and one pair of shoes will be purchased to form my 'meeting', outfit. That's if they are still there. They were such a bargain I bet they will all have gone by tomorrow lunchtime- I can't justify another trip into town today, fuel costs are getting so high. Even though we have a diesel car, the £10 a week we used to put in is hardly lasting us any time atall.

Well I guess if it gets too expensive, then I will have to start cycling to work, and at a 16 mile round trip, I guess that was shift some excess baggage lurking around my sides.

Hope you're all having a fab weekend.

xx

thrifty_fifty

Decided to change my DFW countdown from months to paydays, it's the same amount of time, but in my head it just sounds a lot shorter to say paydays, probably because it doesn't have the worth months in there.

Nursing a few blisters from having broken in the Birki's. Not a new purchase, but I'm just wearing all the flip flops and shoes that I already have, so no buying summer shoes this year.