Property being sold for development - impact on family member

GotToChange

Emmzi wrote: »

gtc,

your friend chose to give money; not to consult a solicitor; to give without documentation; to give without securing a share in the property.

If dad is such a git as you say he is, then any legal wrangle will take years to sort. All of which stops your friend moving on with his life.

Cut losses, sell, horses, move on. Yes, there is a very slim chance of getting some ccash back, but he doesn't sound the tenacious type and I fear the battle will get the better of him.

I wonder what would have happened had he tried to get the "giving" underscored in some legal fashion. That would not have gone down well.

Cutting losses etc etc is not so easy. And I do hate the expression "move on" (it's just thrown around so often these days)...

Emmzi

GotToChange wrote: »

I wonder what would have happened had he tried to get the "giving" underscored in some legal fashion. That would not have gone down well.

Cutting losses etc etc is not so easy. And I do hate the expression "move on" (it's just thrown around so often these days)...

Well, if he has tried to get it underscored, he would have seen that it wouldn't been, and kept his money, perhaps.

His options are to throw more energy, solicitors fees etc at this for a slim chance of some cash and no chance of relationship or..

to move on, however much you hate that expression.

What other options do you see?

GotToChange

Well, in my rose-tinted world, what would happen is this:

Number One - they would have a conversation.
Number Two - what was agreed to would be legalised (is that a word).

The land would be sold for development (this would happen without objection from the neighbours) - an agreed sum is given to each son (even though younger son has made no contribution whatsoEVER. In my world this wouldn't happen (he would have to wait to inherit) but I do know that Pa belives this (at least) to be "fair". (To Son #2.)

Even this is not so great as it means that #1 Son will be expected to stay in residence - which is only an option if the house isn't knocked down. There is still an issue with the horses , who will have to vacate their now sold (when it needn't have been) field by end of this summer.

What I wish could happen is that the "promise" (again legalised) of the share of proceeds would enable W to get funds to buy somewhere (I know, I know, it's a fantasy) outright (Orkneys/overseas - unlikely enough £££'s to buy in the UK) and he could then go - with horses, geese, duck, chickens and cat - before pushed IYSWIM.


(Both parties don't care about the relationship - it's been one big p***take for years.)

Also worth mentioning that Pa would not be doing this if he were to be continuing to live there - he would have taken his son's help to the very end.

Cissi

GotToChange wrote: »

Well, in my rose-tinted world, what would happen is this:

Number One - they would have a conversation.
Number Two - what was agreed to would be legalised (is that a word).

The land would be sold for development (this would happen without objection from the neighbours) - an agreed sum is given to each son (even though younger son has made no contribution whatsoEVER. In my world this wouldn't happen (he would have to wait to inherit) but I do know that Pa belives this (at least) to be "fair". (To Son #2.)

Even this is not so great as it means that #1 Son will be expected to stay in residence - which is only an option if the house isn't knocked down. There is still an issue with the horses , who will have to vacate their now sold (when it needn't have been) field by end of this summer.

What I wish could happen is that the "promise" (again legalised) of the share of proceeds would enable W to get funds to buy somewhere (I know, I know, it's a fantasy) outright (Orkneys/overseas - unlikely enough £££'s to buy in the UK) and he could then go - with horses, geese, duck, chickens and cat - before pushed IYSWIM.


(Both parties don't care about the relationship - it's been one big p***take for years.)

All of this sounds great, in an ideal world, but from what you've described hardly likely to happen. If your friend can't/won't take legal advice then he'll almost certainly end up with nothing - and this may be the outcome in any case. I don't think there is anything that anyone on here can suggest that will change that.

Apart from "get legal advice", "moving on" is probably the best advice that anyone can offer you both at this point. Sorry this is harsh and isn't what you want to hear, but it doesn't look like anyone on here has much else to add.

Emmzi

right, GTC. Give the above scenario a percentage 'likely to happen'. zero? five? twenty? Pain involved scale 1 - 10 = 1


in my inexpert opinion, chances of getting cash through lawyers etc = 1%
pain required scale 1 - 10 = about a 9

probabilty no cash will be returned = about 85%?
pain involved = 10

as a good friend, you probably can't affect the percentage likely to happens.
you can affect how your friend feels about things, and the related pain he feels.
I am not sure getting him in fighting mode helps in the long run unless you'd place different odds on the outcomes.

BitterAndTwisted

His father has managed to p!ss away almost everything there was by playing Lord of the Manor, now his @!!!! isn't in the fire (yet) because his son has been bailing him out. There is no formal agreement and I doubt there ever will be, going by past form and by how you've described this odious character.

Either your friend has a sit-down talk with his father and clarifies whatever will happen or he walks but I suspect the outcome will most likely be the same: he gets nowt. If he can't have a sensible and calm talk with his father he will most certainly get nowt.

Better some pain now than an awful lot of pain later.

clutton_2

the only persons behaviour we can ever change is our own.... it takes years to realise the truth of this..

it seems to me that this son is incapable of making his own decisions, and no amount of encouragement from his friends will change that (as OP recognises) -

OP you are beating your head against a brick wall .... you must know that.... in yoru heart of hearts....

your friend is not helping himself one little bit... and without that motivation his father will continue to walk all over him...... and there is nothing you can do

forgive me for saying this, but, you seem to set more importance on the future of the horses than on people......

these horses have been foisted on the son - why does he continue to "play the father-son-manipulation" game by agreeing to look after them... "no" is the way forward


all i see you can do, is to start helping him to look for somewhere else for him to live.... if he does not do that - you can do nothing.....

and that is terribly frustrating to watch someone you clearly love ......

GotToChange

Ah B&T - I do love your very accurate take on this (sadly).

clutton - it isn't that I care more about the horses* than the people - but I do care almost equally (oops - oxymoron alert) and I certainly care more about them and the various feathered and furry friends than I do the old man as there is no love lost between us (again, sadly).

Just had a(nother) converstation with W and he has said that he thinks one of his "faults" is to be too tolerant. I agree. He and his father are at opposite ends of the personality spectrum and there has to be some meeting in the middle. (Not much chance with the Control Freak of a Father.)


*One of them is mine though, so I forgive myself a little.

RAS

You need to start planning for yourself how you are going to manage when the land is taken by the developer.

Where are you going to keep your horse when that happens? Any idea of the timescale?

Keep W informed of your search for a new location and he may start thinking about his own future and that of his own animals.

GotToChange

RAS wrote: »

You need to start planning for yourself how you are going to manage when the land is taken by the developer.

Where are you going to keep your horse when that happens? Any idea of the timescale?

Keep W informed of your search for a new location and he may start thinking about his own future and that of his own animals.

Thanks for asking RAS; I have deliberately tried to avoid mentioning how much my and my horse's fate are bound up in this. He is very very old and I doubt he will still be around come the end of the summer - I have tried very hard to not have him/his "future" be affected by farm plans but I guess that the sale of it will result in euthenasia for him.

This is not why i am pushing W to get something definitive sorted out; that is more to do with my not wanting to see him walked all over (again).