Property being sold for development - impact on family member

puddy

just seeing the other side of this...

your friend did not need to (was not forced) to prevent the reposession of the house, he did it off his own back.

as said above, there is no guaranteed inheritance, what if the old man needs medical care in his later life, it would end up disappearing anyway

why cant your friend, paddock his horses elsewhere, rent a flat or bedsit and move on (emotionally)

if he is too laid back to get specific advice, then the best thing to do is to move on in life. he could get a notice fixed to the property so that it cant be sold (see the other thread on here as to what that would mean), but seems like he is fighting against someone in order to gain approval, it wont work.

puddy

Brock_and_Roll wrote: »

I think we need to separate some of the issues here. Father, as long as he is of sound mind, is perfectly entitled to change his will to benefit whoever he likes and leave the lot to a dogs home or his new gf at the expense of his own flesh and blood.

With regards to the son's mortgage contributions and any rights over the property, this is a very complicated legal issue and depends on a number of factors. He should consult a decent solicitor asap.

Without being rude, and regardless of what the outcome is here, should the son as someone in their mid-30s not try and put all this behind him and strike out on his own, live in his own house and be his own master? - then some time down the line he might get something from the old man, or he might not, but it wont ruin his life either way.

you beat me to it. it sounds to me like one of these people you see in stereotypical dramas, the petulant offspring and obnoxious parent, why a man in his 30s is still living the family home anyway is a mystery to me too

GotToChange

In a sort of general response to both of the above -

I seem to have made him sound rather pathetic and grasping. He is neither. (For the record, the other son - having had a squiz at the Will - was far angrier at the inclusion/change.)

They are a farming family - it is not particularly unheard of (I know of many others in this area) for adult offspring to stay as part of the family - so he is not a weed for doing so. However, moving out - and ON - was largely prevented by his parent's overall uselessness with money (the mortgage that has just been repaid should never have been needed - it was taken out to fund the jolly old Father's jolly old life). It may seem that he paid their way out of the goodness of his heart but what was he to do (given - yes - that he lived there)? The mistake he made was not formalising/legalising his input - at least, that's what I think.

He is probably trying to make up for what he has lost out on - due to others' mismanagement and his own good nature. And I am behind him all the way (this is from someone who has nothing to gain - ever - from the death of an elderly relative).

GotToChange

jenner wrote: »

you beat me to it. it sounds to me like one of these people you see in stereotypical dramas, the petulant offspring and obnoxious parent, why a man in his 30s is still living the family home anyway is a mystery to me too

I have explained this ^.

Besides, he is now the only person living in the "family" home - his Father has left it (and all animals and property) in his care until such time as he is turfed out because sold for development.

Keep up. (If you're going to be nasty.)

And he isn't petulant (the other son is) - but I am for him.

puddy

GotToChange wrote: »

I have explained this ^.

Besides, he is now the only person living in the "family" home - his Father has left it (and all animals and property) in his care until such time as he is turfed out because sold for development.

Keep up. (If you're going to be nasty.)

And he isn't petulant (the other son is) - but I am for him.

im not being nasty. i am keeping up, i understand he is living there without the rest of the 'family', the point i am making is that this is not his independent home, he is at the mercy of the whims and circumstances of his dad, but this is by his own choice.
his parents may have been financially imprudent but this did not force your friend to bail them out.

i can also understand adult children living in businesses (working farms), if it is a business and they are joint owners or parties in the firm, but if he is simply waiting there to be told that his father is so grateful for the help he has given in the past, he's going to wait a long time. so the time has to come at some point, if he wants to keep his sanity, to emotionally detach from this person and make his own way in life. thats what i mean by petulance, the stubborness of sticking around in the hope that he will be eventually acknowledged for saving the bricks and mortar, its not going to happen

RAS

GotToChange wrote: »

I have explained this ^.

Besides, he is now the only person living in the "family" home - his Father has left it (and all animals and property) in his care until such time as he is turfed out because sold for development.

Keep up. (If you're going to be nasty.)

And he isn't petulant (the other son is) - but I am for him.

is he actually being paid for the services he delivers?

if not, he needs to get legal advice. Unless there is a real prospect of getting some recompense for the money he has put in the "farm", he needs to tell dad that he is moving out and that dad can sort out the livestock and property.

I know you are worried but it is a fat lot of use you being worried if your BF cannot or does not want to change his behaviour.

GotToChange

It would be nice/better if he was being paid; but then that would complicate matters even further.

Prior to his departure, the Father"advertised" (a sign at the end of the farm track) for liveries. It ended up that 5 more horses/ponies came - although they could not of course know that they would be forced to leave pretty soon. Again, W - by virtue of being on site - has had responsibility for the welfare of these animals, dealing with the whims of the various people and collecting all monies due. Every penny had to be handed over to Father, he even grumbled about the purchase of a new padlock key (£3.99). As it happened, one of the owners (one horse and one pony) were notoriously bad at paying and had to be chased with some vigour. They upped and left yesterday with no notice and leaving a bill outstanding; also took with them a just-opened big bale of haylage unpaid-for. No address for them, only mobile numbers, so not much chance of tracking them down.
(I predicted this would happen - and hate to be right.)

This is how it has been run - no wonder there has never been any money.

Again, in order to help with the farm/"business" blah blah, he has no high-flying career - just a fairly simple carry-on, making the most of life on a day-to-day basis. Now it all comes home to roost. I don't think he should stay there until the 11th hour but simply leaving will mean that his Father will withold whatever "share" he would have bestowed had he remained until told that he couldn't (he is that type, I know them well) - so he is between a rock and a hard place. Yes; I am all for him telling him to shove it but there are horses to consider (although Father has again offered to take them too), not a great income and the very real loss of something against his wishes.

BitterAndTwisted

GotToChange, your friend must seek professional advice right now but I have a feeling that he won't be entitled to anything whatsoever from his father but I'm no specialist.

I think what he should do, once he has received legal advice and been formally given the sad news that he is entitled to nothing, not even recompense for the mortgage payments which he covered or wages for the work he is still doing, is to make alternative arrangements like taking up a job of some sort, then telling his father that he cannot and will not be lumbered any more with the responsibilities for the house and horses and give Daddio a deadline so he can then come back himself to take over until everything is finally sold.

I think the sooner your friend faces up to the facts and extricates himself from the clutches of this exploitative, ungrateful and manipulative swine and can look forward to a new life of autonomy and independence the better.

GotToChange

Thank B&T ^.
He does have a job (apart from the "looking after") - it's just not such a great, well-paid one.
The thing is, if he does (which he won't anyway...) move out (no deposit, no savings, two horses in tow, houses escalated way above what he can afford now), his Father WON'T "give" (repay?) anything. I suppose he may think that if he holds out, he may get a share of the sale proceeds - as "promised"/deserved. But holding out means that his life/future is still under his Father's control.
I know that legal advice is the way to go; I feel already that I am nagging him, even though it's for his own sake.


*I do wish they could just have a conversation about it and take it from there. But I know how high-pitched that would get! (on the Dad's part)*

Emmzi

gtc,

your friend chose to give money; not to consult a solicitor; to give without documentation; to give without securing a share in the property.

If dad is such a git as you say he is, then any legal wrangle will take years to sort. All of which stops your friend moving on with his life.

Cut losses, sell horses, move on. Yes, there is a very slim chance of getting some ccash back, but he doesn't sound the tenacious type and I fear the battle will get the better of him.