Birthday expenses split?

belfastgirl23

xmaslolly76 wrote: »

If you cant afford the meal why dont you ask if they are meeting for drinks before hand if they are say you have a prior arrangement but would be happy to pop in to buy her a birthday drink before having to shoot off. I have used this one before when finances have been tight :-)

Or similarly meet them for a drink after? I've done this one when I felt I had to go but didn't really want to spend *that* much time with them

princessl84

God i would hate to be friends with you lot. The birthday girl should never pay thats how it works in our group. There is normally 6 of us so the bill for food and drinks is split 5 ways. We all get the same when its our birthday. We had one girl in out group who could never afford things and she ended up being a pain in the a$$ as we where always paying for her. Maybe you should address your money problems before doing out with them again.

Also the drink thing wont work they will know your being tight

misgrace

Normally when I have been to a birthday party at a restaurant, the birthday girl does not pay for her meal, we all club together.
But I think you tell your friend the truth, that you cannot afford to go, just be upfront with her, she was the one who chose that restaurant, I'm assuming, so she knows how pricy it is in there.
You never know she might then turn round and say, 'its my treat', but at least tell her you cannot afford it.

Ladyhawk

Yep - I would either expect the bill to be split amoung everyone, or that we insist that the birthday girl doesn't pay anything.

I got completely stung at a birthday a couple of years ago. It was a friend from school and I only went because I felt sorry for her because I knew no-one else would go. Anyway she had arranged a set menu at a expensive Mayfair restaurant - which was disgusting and very meaty. While I am not a veggie I am very fussy about the meat I eat (I don't eat pork or poultry) and I certainly wasn't going have what they were serving. Oh and I might also point out that her mother is an alcoholic who kept ordering double Bells. Her mother refused to pay anything and Muggins here ended up paying £50 for a glass of crap wine and a really awful okra curry (that is ALL I had). Needless to say I have declined subsequent birthday meals.

Ladyhawk

SandC wrote: »

These days I have no qualms in speaking up if I feel the split is being unfair (ie. couples treating themselves as one person or someone drinking brandies and a couple of bottles of wine paying the same as someone who is driving).

It's always better to know what you are getting into up front then you an decide whether it's for you or not.

Oh me too - I normally am careful what I order then just as we call for the bill, I get a note out and say "this should cover it". Ever notice that it is the people who have had the most always want to split it??

I also make a note of people who have been on tap water all night (never me!!) and point out that they should not have to pay as much.

VfM4meplse

I agree with the others, unless she is exceptionally well off and generous you will be expected to pay your share plus the excesses of others.

I think you're going to have to opt out of this one with good grace but make it up to your lady with a thoughtful gesture instead. I do wonder if this is a test of some sort, if you do attend you will end up spending time with strangers, be worried about the cost all evening and probably not get that much enjoyment from the evening for the sake of saving face. If it's about meeting her friends, a couple of drinks in a pub at a later date should be fine.

xmaslolly76

princessl84 wrote: »

Also the drink thing wont work they will know your being tight

Tight i am not! When finances dictate that you dont have the money then you just dont have it i would rather show my face and wish them a happy birthday with a drink than completely snub them or sit there all night worrying how to get through to the end of the month after paying some extortionate resturant bill. If i have the cash then i am more than happy to treat my friends on their birthday.

SandC

princessl84 wrote: »

God i would hate to be friends with you lot. The birthday girl should never pay thats how it works in our group. There is normally 6 of us so the bill for food and drinks is split 5 ways. We all get the same when its our birthday. We had one girl in out group who could never afford things and she ended up being a pain in the a$$ as we where always paying for her. Maybe you should address your money problems before doing out with them again.

Also the drink thing wont work they will know your being tight

I wish me and my friends were like that. I can't even get them out on birthdays these days - marriage and children mean friends get put at the bottom of the pile and buying presents for each other stopped at age 30 apparently.

Also bear in mind for the OP's problem - this is a lady she has only just met.

euronorris

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Oh me too - I normally am careful what I order then just as we call for the bill, I get a note out and say "this should cover it". Ever notice that it is the people who have had the most always want to split it??

I also make a note of people who have been on tap water all night (never me!!) and point out that they should not have to pay as much.

I do the same as I am quite a fussy eater and rarely drink alcohol with meals. I'd rather have a soft drink and have a glass of wine later. Both of these things means that my costs only come to around 10-15 GBP (depending on where we are). Why should I have to pay an extra 20-40GBP for everyone else's alcohol??

That said, I don't mind adding a portion of the Birthday girl/boy's share of the bill onto mine. It's their Birthday, they should be treated by their friends, not the other way around.