Birthday expenses split?

Lunar_Eclipse

amalis wrote: »

Hi all,

I am invited to a birthday of a lady whom I recently met. She emailed me an invitation to her birthday and the venue is in a very posh restaurant. When I told this to one my friend she guessed that the lady might plan to split birthday expenses between guests. I dont know her enough to ask about it, but the the place is so expensive that there is no way I could afford to pay anything there. What do you guys think, what are the chances that birthday expenses in restaurant will be split between guests?
N.B. There was no such hints in the invitation

I think the norm is for the guests to split the bill equally, but for this to include the birthday person so that they are treated and do not pay their share of the bill.

The exception seems to be for special birthdays, 40ths etc, where the host often pays for the entire meal, including alcohol. (DH & I have a special birthday coming up next year and although I'd love to go out for dinner with friends, I feel we can't since I could not afford to pay for 40 or so guests and would hate to put them in your situation!)

I agree it's a tricky situation. If I couldn't afford the meal, I would either decline the invitation or let the host know that I appreciate the invitation, am flattered to be included but will decline due to financial reasons (worded appropriately for your friend & circumstances). Alternatively, could you join them for a pre or post-dinner drink?

I would say birthday gifts are not expected, but a token gift is a lovely gesture and does not need to cost very much at all. I therefore always take a gift, but quite often they cost less than £5 with careful thought, planning and shopping.

peachyprice

Another vote here for splitting the bill as being the norm.
If we had to pay the whole bill for all guests ourselves we'd never be able to afford to go out. Our bills usually come to £250-£300.

SandC

I would only presume it was being paid for if it was a 'party' with a buffet in a venue or if it was my boss or someone like that.

As you don't know this woman very well you either need to ask or just decline. But if it's the case that you are to pay your share I think she has a cheek as someone who doesn't know you well to presume that you can afford this restaurant.

Kay_Peel

I agree with the posters who say that it is normal practice for people to pay for their own and split the cost of wine and coffees etc. Usually, the birthday boy/girl will buy the first round of drinks on arrival.

I've also been to birthday parties where the guest treat the birthday boy/girl and pay for his/her meal.

SandC

These days I have no qualms in speaking up if I feel the split is being unfair (ie. couples treating themselves as one person or someone drinking brandies and a couple of bottles of wine paying the same as someone who is driving).

It's always better to know what you are getting into up front then you an decide whether it's for you or not.

*Louise*

An invite like that, I would expect to share the bill and contribute towards the birthday girl.

Only time I have had a meal paid for me was at my parents 25th anniversary meal - they let us know they would pay for all the food, we were just to get our own drinks from the bar afterwards.


Worst meal out was where the 'hosts' decided that the bill should be split amongst the men of the group. OH just had me with him, another couple of men had grown up daughters with them and still pid the same amount. That annoyed me, and it was embarrasing because although we had £50 with us, enough money to cover our share (£30) plus a bit extra we didn't expect the extra to be quite so much and OH had to pop out to the bank.:o

Becles

I would find out the expenses before you go. I got stung once on a hen night with people from work when I was 17. I was really skint as I was a YTS employee on £27 a week and had to borrow my Mam's car and drive through, as I couldn't afford to go out and cover a taxi fare home

When I went out with my mates, we used to work out roughly what we'd spent, and round it up to cover the tip. Everyone was happy with that. I assumed the same would happen.

On the hen night, I had one glass of coke and the cheapest main course. The others had two or three courses, and there were plenty of bottles of wine and cocktails and stuff being consumed. When the bill came, they decided they hen should have to pay and the rest would be split equally between the group.

As I was the youngest I didn't have the guts to speak up to my bossy supervisor who organised the bill split. I did have a quiet grumble to the ones I was sitting nearest but they just said it always gets split equally.

I felt totally uncomfortable with it all and never went out with them again

amalis

it is really amazing how much traditions differs from family to family in the same country! just for info (as I think I already made my decision about going/not going to that birthday)- between my friends the birthday girl/boy always pays the bill (i must say that we never invite for a full dinner. I mean, I ususualy reserve a venue, order my choice of alcohol and plenty of snacks). But we always get a good present to each other- not less than £40 i would think.

xmaslolly76

If you cant afford the meal why dont you ask if they are meeting for drinks before hand if they are say you have a prior arrangement but would be happy to pop in to buy her a birthday drink before having to shoot off. I have used this one before when finances have been tight :-)

poppyolivia

I was invited to someting like this and went...the food was already ordered in big platters and it was mexican, nachos etc.........(or whatever those hard things are called)....I had my fitted brace at the time and had been to the ortho that day to get it adjusted...I sooked 4 crisps all night and had 2 drinks and my bill ????? £40!!!!lol

was my own fault though for not checking and for not cancelling my ortho appointment!