Birthday expenses split?

amalis

Hi all,

I am invited to a birthday of a lady whom I recently met. She emailed me an invitation to her birthday and the venue is in a very posh restaurant. When I told this to one my friend she guessed that the lady might plan to split birthday expenses between guests. I dont know her enough to ask about it, but the the place is so expensive that there is no way I could afford to pay anything there. What do you guys think, what are the chances that birthday expenses in restaurant will be split between guests?
N.B. There was no such hints in the invitation

Smashing

I would imagine that everyone would be paying for their own meal or split the bill.

amalis

Smashing wrote: »

I would imagine that everyone would be paying for their own meal or split the bill.

that is horrible! i can't imagine why would people expect their friends to bring gift AND to pay for themselves...

MrsAnnie

Personally I would have though that she would be paying unless the invitation said otherwise. However, you really do need to find out.

What about telling her that you would really love to go, but unfortunately you really can't afford it right now and see what she says.

Or ask if it is a special set menu? Might be cheaper that the regular a la carte menu. How many people has she invited?

Toothfairy4

How is it horrible? The lady has been kind enough to include you in her birthday plans, even though, as you say yourself you don't know her very well. It is up to you to decide whether you can pay for your share or not, splitting the bill is common etiquette!

fiscalfreckles

If you want to be more discreet you could telephone the restaurant direct and ask about the menu for the booking in the name of X, on the date of X?

I would normally expect everyone to be paying for themselves and the bill to be split, unless I had been told otherwise. If I felt I couldn't afford it or would be uncomfortable, I would simply be "unavailable" that evening.

ckerrd

It is possible to get stung at these events as there may well be a set price menu but booze can rack up the price.

If you are uncomfortable with the whole concept why not say you are unable to attend but that you would love to take her out for dinner yourself?

flea72

i would casually drop in the conversation that you have never been there, and just ask what the food and prices were like, and how many people were going

then if she doesnt come right out and say whether she is footing the bill or not, ask how her and her other friends usually split the bill, and then make a joke about 'the time you went out with a group of friends, and one of them actually got out a calculator to work out their contribution down to the penny' - her reaction should at least then give you a pointer, on how she sees the bill being paid

F

amalis

MrsAnnie wrote: »

Personally I would have though that she would be paying unless the invitation said otherwise.

me too!

How many people has she invited?

i dont know.

It is up to you to decide whether you can pay for your share or not, splitting the bill is common etiquette!

i've been to many birthdays before, of course, and none of my friends expected their guests to pay for anything. Myself I always pay the bill if I invite friends to my occasions.

amalis

flea72 wrote: »

i would casually drop in the conversation that you have never been there, and just ask what the food and prices were like, and how many people were going


F

i am not goinf to see her before the event.

amalis

oh, i feel that I will have to refuse the invitation politely as I really can't afford that place. Hovewer, I wanted to soooooooo much to be there!