Are we invited or not??

Chinkle

You're not invited - please don't go. It does sound (and particularly because he's just 22 and in all likelihood completely naive about weddings) that he thought it was just like inviting everyone to a big party. At that young age I bet he and his fiancee are having much of the bill footed by their parents - who must have been horrified that he casually invited 50 work colleagues along.

He's quite clearly backtracked by saying "see you when I'm back" at the card/gift presentation. However, he may have felt more guilty in doing so with you OP if you are closest to him and your OH is his boss, especially if you organised the whip round, so casually said see you there. The only other scenario would be if he put you on the guest list but his fiancee/family bumped you off without telling him - number always get tight at weddings (therefore he thought you had all the details).

And in all honesty, I wouldn't buy a separate gift as you'll embarrass the lad more about the situation. Just count youself as another work colleague and say congratulations when he's back at work.

SUESMITH_2

i wouldnt go, i presume he's been told no by his bride and or parents but he just didnt know how to say that you weren't invited as it would be embarrasing

paddy's_mum

I know it's a bit of a long shot but does he mean that you're all welcome to pop along to St Mary's but that's as far as his imagination has taken him?

To be fair, it's not that many years ago that neighbours would shuffle into the spare pews at the back of the church, villagers would wait outside to cheer a couple's emergence, and plenty of ordinary women would hold off going for their Saturday shopping for a few minutes for the pleasure of oohing and aahing a pretty girl in her wedding finery.

If he has got some half-baked ideas based on the fact that a marriage must by law be open to public scrutiny and that bums on seats makes the church look better, he could then just issue the 'global' invitation without expecting any formal response.

In your place, if the wedding is in church, I think I'd doll myself up enough to attend the ceremony only and leave it at that. If it's a private venue, often a decidely cramped registry office or hotel marriage room, I'd keep away to avoid upsetting anyone's plans. Better to upset him perhaps with a reasonable chance of explaining later if you have got it all wrong than run the risk of turning up uninvited and uncatered for (as it were) and unwittingly provoke a flaming row with which to start off their married life!

Ladyhawk

I am probably a little odd in feeling that if I am not important enough to be invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, then I am not important enough to them to attend the evening bit. If I were to only be invited to one part, I would like to go to the actual ceremony!

misgrace

I personally wouldnt go, even though I got the email saying it, I would feel its either an afterthought, or he feels he has to cause I am his boss.
Also, me being me lol, if I did think I was an afterthought, or perhaps he did make a mistake in inviting me,then I would not embarress myself by going, just incase I saw the look of shock and suprise on the wedding couples faces.

Another also coming up lol, I would also feel embarressed going back to work and facing the other 50 workmates, I would be hesitant in mentioning anything about the going to the wedding incase they felt hurt as they were excluded from the wedding.

But thats me, sometimes I cut my nose off to spite my face.:)

skintchick

Ladyhawk wrote: »

I am probably a little odd in feeling that if I am not important enough to be invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast, then I am not important enough to them to attend the evening bit. If I were to only be invited to one part, I would like to go to the actual ceremony!

I agree. We invited everyone we knew to our actual marriage ceremony, but numbers were limited for the meal, and a few more could come for the evening. I think people appreciated being invited to the church, but we did proper invitations for it so they felt like proper guests.

floss2

peachyprice wrote: »

Surely your OH shouldn't even be comtemplating going if he's off long term sick?

So anyone who is off work long-term sick isn't allowed to have a life?

pulliptears wrote: »

Does this mean you can't leave the house then? I can think of many reasons for being on long term sick that don't require you to become a social recluse.

I agree.

peachyprice wrote: »

Of course it doesn't mean you can't leave the house, but it's not as if it's the church ceremony that's being discussed, it the evening reception, you know, music, dancing, drink, noise, lots of people.

What kind of long term sickness would allow you to go enjoy a colleagues good old knees-up but not be well enough for work without causing concern from your employers? I'm genuinely intrigued.

How about recovering from cancer or major surgery? Nobody is saying they are going to be dancing, for heavens sake!!

And I'm glad you didn't post this when either of my parents were on long term sick leave after major surgery, or when I was on long term sick leave caring for my terminally ill mother.

I can only hope that you never have to experience a scenario like that, and that if you do I would expect you to live by your comments and become totally housebound.

hermanmunster_3

Wedding ceremonies are public events - legally they have to be anyone can go. We had a relatively small reception (50) and no evening do.. but the church had about 200 - friends / neighbours etc etc - came to wish us well.

Tricky about the long term sick... I issue sick notes and often think that they could manage at work but difficult to challenge as I don't know what the work involves and I like to avoid getting hit on the nose too often

euronorris

floss2, I think peachyprice has been corrected already and stated that no offense was intended. They simply couldn't think of a reason at the time of posting, but now they understand.

floss2

euronorris wrote: »

floss2, I think peachyprice has been corrected already and stated that no offense was intended. They simply couldn't think of a reason at the time of posting, but now they understand.

Yes I know, I saw that, but that doesn't have to stop me from posting my personal opinion and experiences. TBH I feel that peachyprice's comments are very blinkered and seemed to imply that if one is off sick one should not leave the house, regardless of what the actual reason for being off sick.