Etiquette when ex Mother-in-law passes away

thorsoak

I agree with the advice on sending a card - just address it to "The family of xxxx"

MrsTinks

I went to my ex- FIL-to-be's funeral about 18 months ago. I am still good friends with the family though not with my ex... I got a call telling me he was not going to last long and to come and say goodbye in hospital if i wanted by SILTB (good friends). So I zoomed as fast as I could and he passed away whilst I was running up the stairs (lifts were broken)...
I then went and picked up his granddaughter and drove her to the hospital and said my own goodbyes etc as my ex had left by then.
I dropped off flowers and card and had a cup of tea that afternoon and it was just clear that I was expected at the funeral. I specifically asked them to check with my ex that he was happy with me coming and he passed a message back saying it was ok. He and I didn't talk (I don't think he likes me anymore ) but it wasn't a major issue - I kept back in the corner, there to show my respect but not intruding or causing him discomfort because I was in the front.
Maybe you could speak to your ex if your son wants you there? Ask if he's happy with you coming to the funeral, obviously you want to support your son but you appreciate it's their time to say goodbye more than it is yours. Obviously don't go if he asks you not to... just be nearby somewhere so if you son needs you you're there

skintscotslass

When my Great Uncle died, one of his sons was there with his 3rd wife and wifes no 1 and no 2 were there as well. Oh and I am exMIL's next of kin, but I guess we have a complicated set up

Kandipandi

I was in a similar situation this year my EX MIL died. My situation was a bit different in that the woman and I never got on and I didn't feel it appropriate to attend her funeral.

My two children attended with their Father.

I did send my Ex hubbie a condolence card from me to say I was thinking of him but that was it.

tandraig

I rather think it depends on your relationship with your exMIL. was it a good one? were you friendly or at least civil after the divorce? if so, I would go, but stay at the back and dont go to the wake. if you had no contact with her after the divorce - I wouldnt go but would send card to family via son. up to you about flowers hun - if you feel you should send them then do so. but dont feel guilty if you dont feel its appropriate. you could always make a donation to charity in leiu of flowers and let your son know you have done so.

kimmee

Like a lot of other posters, I was in exactly the same situation - none of my ex's family ever spoke to me again once we announced our seperation. We divorced eventually and although we exchanged xmas cards my ex in-laws never had any contact with me again and even used to send their birthday cards to my sons to my ex's house even though the boys lived with me and only saw their dad occasionally.

When my ex FIL died, and his wife a few months later I sent flowers and a sympathy card to my ex and his sister but did not attend either funerals as I did not think it would be appropriate and my sons went with their dad.

All the best whatever you decide to do.

mountainofdebt

Before my FIL's funeral, my SIL mentioned that her ex husband had asked if she would mind if he attended.

He did attend and made a point of offering his sympathies to both OH and SIL.

floss2

When my mother died a few years ago, my ex husband did not attend the funeral & sent excuses via his parents, who did attend.

lindens

The good news in my grandson was born on 06/02/2010 at 7lbs 1 oz, everyone doing well

The sad news is that ex-mother-in-law died on 12/02/2010 with her children around her

I have sent a card with some words in to all the family via the sister, thanks for all your advice.

Luckily my son is busy with a new born baby and has not been too upset, I think he had already come to terms with it all.

Pollycat

Congratulations on the new grandson.

I hope your ex MIL knew about the baby before she died.

I think you did the right thing in sending a card and I hope it was accepted in the spirit that you sent it.