MSE Parents Club Part 10

My_Fathers_Daughter

weezl74 wrote: »

MFD- Hubby going into hospital! I'm so sorry I must've been doing one of my very skimming catch ups and missed this!

If anyone would linkie me back to that I'd be ever so grateful. I probably clicked 'thanks' and everything

Big hugs MFD.

Be as 'woe is me' as you like m'lovely girl. We all need to do it :A

LOL - I wasn't sure if I had told you on here either but yesterday JAM asked me about it so unless she has been stalking me IRL (:eek:) I assume I must have.


Hubby is going for a hernia op. He had a really bad accident before we got together and has a big scar down his tummy where they opened him up. There were lots of internal stitches where his muscles were sewn back and a bit of his inestine (I think!) has popped through! It is called a post-incisional hernia. It just makes him a funny shape, he has like a funny bobbly bit on his stomach.

So because it is quite a complex op and they are opening the original wound then he has to be in between 4 and 7 days and then he will not be able to pick Benjamin up (or anything else!) for anywhere up to 2 months, depending on his healing.



Does anybody have any helpful tips as to what I could send him in with to cheer him up? I have said he can take my kindle with as many books as he wants on it :cool:

got-it-spend-it

MFD- I too missed what hubby is going in for, but wish him a very speedy recovery. I don't blame you for being totally woe is me. Don't forget we are all here to support you.

SugarSpun wrote: »

MFD, how awful for you. What I found was that OH was very much in favour of me doing what was best for Molly and me when he was in the hospital, and so if we squeezed in a visit that was wonderful and if not he had a lot of books to read and we'd talk to him on the phone.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery to him from us, and all manner of sanity vibes to you.

I think feeding rather than BF groups are an excellent idea. We were fortunate in not having any BF problems past the nipple blister she raised in the first few days but if there had been and I'd have had to switch to formula I'm not sure what I'd have done. There's just no support here at all for FF mothers, although many do it.

A friend of mine just had her midwife come for a postnatal check. Friend had an emergency C-section and wasn't able to BF. The midwife told her, apropos of nothing, that she's still a real woman even though she didn't have a vaginal birth or breastfeed. !!!!!!??!?!!?!!?!?! Who even suggested she might not be?!?!?! Friend was actually quite upset by it because she hadn't thought of herself as failing at delivery/feeding but now she thinks everyone's judging her.

I think the bit after the delivery and the baby bit where you actually raise a person rather than simply meeting the needs of the small squalling bundle is the bit that requires real parenting IYSWIM. The first bit is difficult and rewarding - I've yet to experience the joys of a mobile person calling me Mama, but I imagine it is astonishing and complex and a whole lot of other things. What I mean, ramblingly, is that we get so caught up in the way we start the babies off, but the way we parent them when they're old enough to disagree with us is the big bit. C-section and FF babies turn into back-chatting, questioning, into-everything children just like vaginal birth, BF ones. We do the best we can in our own circumstances and so long as we're doing that everyone second guessing us can jog on.

About a week after I had Henry one of my 'best' friends said something along the lines of 'but at least you didn't actually have to give birth properly....' (because I had an EMCS after labouring for 44 hours). I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I still remember it!

money_maker_3

Morning all

MM I think a feeding support group is a fab idea !!
Feelie, instructions on the tin tell you how to make it up - nothing else !!!! We struggle with what teat to use, what bottle to use, which brand of formula, how the bottles should be stored, what to do if they throw up every bottle, what temp to serve it at, when to change to a different milk, how to ensure they are made up as safely as possible and many many many other issues.
FF mums are not evil, but yet are pretty much just left to their own devices as its just making up a bottle !! If only !! I FF Jasmine, and I picked a milk and she was fine ... I FF Dylan and we have had so many problems you wouldnt believe !! As a 2nd time mum, I am expected to know everything , but how am I supposed to know that when it wasnt an issue with my first !!
I am very lucky and have a fantastic HV who has helped me through a lot of things, but if it wasnt for her, I would have had no one to turn to for all that support

Sorry long winded

MFD ((hugs)) hun, I know what you mean about it being easier f you cant visit though, I did it with Chris when Jas was a baby and I was at work, and you will be more than exhausted at hte end of it and end up sick yourself. Even if they do allow visiting, just go once a day and dont feel you have to stay for the full 2 hours or whatever, your OH will understand

csh_2

feelinggood wrote: »

To be honest, I don't understand what help a FF Mum would need - I thought all the instructions were on the tin?

Wasn't aware a tin could tell you what to do when baby won't take a bottle and is loosing weight?

Why is that that you think BF mothers can talk to someone about problems and FF mothers can't?

FF babies can get thrush in the mouth to. If the mother isn't aware of that should the baby suffer because no will speak to the mother as there are instructions on the tin?

aless02

Sami_Bee wrote: »

Weezl - also a point to consider/research; BFing helps physiological 3rd stage and I'm not aware how not BFing straight away affects this...
(I'm guessing it just takes longer though)

not sure if this has been answered, but BFing isn't a big deal. Finn wasn't put to the boob straight away (not sure why, it wasn't intentional - it just happened that way as DH was busy holding him) and my 3rd stage was still fine. I think as it got up to the 30 minute mark (that sounds like ages, but it really only felt like 5 minutes), they told me to tweak my nipples a few times and -bam- out it came with no BFing! :T

feelinggood_2

weezl74 wrote: »

Feelie, I wonder if what I just posted about attachment and language development might in part respond to this? There's nowt about cuddles and skin and turn taking on the tin :)

Thanks for what you said earlier. I know no-one on here judges me :beer:. You aren't militant, you are rightly fervent about a great cause!

Thanks for your post Weezl. I forgot about that aspect, probably because when I was bottle-feeding I researched it, so I did bottle feed in a very breastfed way (skin-to-skin, quiet feeding, small and regular bottles, swapping sides during a feed, pacing a feed etc). I suppose I think about bottle feeding differently to formula feeding, because I bottle fed, but didn't use formula, if that makes sense!

I was talking to my Mum about breastfeeding yesterday, and how funny it is that I'm so militant about breastfeeding. She never said 'Breast is best' or anything like that, but breastfeeding was always the norm - I saw hundreds of women feeding when my Mum was a La Leche Leader. I asked her about me becoming a LLL because of my lack of sympathy and she said she sometimes found it frustrating. She said she tried not to pass on too much pro-breastfeeding attitude to me so I could make my own choices, but even so I'm pretty militant.

I'm also suprised at how much of a pro-breastfeeding and pro attachment parenting person OH has turned into. He is a complete convert!

elle_gee

Morning all..

I'm baby-less! I just woke him up gentle and before he'd even opened his eyes, he was in his car seat.. He's off with Mum for the day while I get some stuff done and go to my training this afternoon.. this morning makes very interesting reading, although I'm still not quite sure what I have to say on the subject *confused*

SugarSpun

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Does anybody have any helpful tips as to what I could send him in with to cheer him up? I have said he can take my kindle with as many books as he wants on it :cool:

Oh, I hope it goes well. I sent OH in with cookies for the nurses, it was a sneaky way of making sure they visited him a lot They required regular topups though.

Also books, his laptop, a lot of DVDs ... and once or twice a sneaky takeaway

got-it-spend-it wrote: »

About a week after I had Henry one of my 'best' friends said something along the lines of 'but at least you didn't actually have to give birth properly....' (because I had an EMCS after labouring for 44 hours). I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but I still remember it!

After 44 hours of labour?! I'd have set her on fire, I think. My 13 was bad enough, I can't imagine that length of time. Well done you.

I didn't know how complex FF was. MM, thanks for making that list, I had no idea at all

SusanC_2

jillie1974 wrote: »

can i just say (and this might be a bit .... controversial) but as a mum who had no choice but to FF i feel that BF is pushed so much that us FF mums dont get any support at all. It was very hard for me to be told i wasnt able to express anymore but i feel that there is nowhere that i can get support for FF. We can have problems as well with feeding... i think as well, knowing that i will have to change my BP meds to pg safe ones, then being able to BF/express for a week or so and then go to FF, i'm really not sure i even want to try the BF next time

This is why I think some of the money spent on hitting everyone over the head with the "breast is best" slogan would be better spent on support and educating prospective parents on the real practical aspects of breastfeeding. I remember the midwife who came on the weekend after Alice was born was wearing the slogan "breast is best" and although I agree with the statement I thought it was very insensitive to be visiting new mothers wearing it when some mothers may have had no choice or may have wanted to BF and not been able to or given up for whatever reason. I'd never thought of FF mothers needing support but now you mention it, there are lots of discussions on here about sterilising, how to make formula, how to do it when out, how much babies should be taking, what bottles/teats to use etc. so clearly it is not always straight forward. Perhaps it is assumed that you would just ask at the regular drop in clinics?

Fitzio wrote: »

From my experience, midwives are not that militant about BFing, but as that is what the current guidelines are, they have to promote it. If you say you want to BF, they will do everything to help you, but if you are up front about wishing to FF, they tend to respect that and give you help if you ask – they just can’t actively promote it. Don’t be scared to tell them what you want. I think you just have to say you have your reasons and wish to FF and not discuss it if you don’t want to, and they will be fine with it.

We gave Alice 2 x 3oz formula on night three when I was really struggling and my midwife (who visited first thing in the morning because we'd phoned up) was really supportive and helped me but when we gave a bottle of 1oz EBM and 2oz formula the following night (because I was so sore I just needed one feed off) the midwife who came (who was the one wearing the slogan) was really funny about it and pretty much made out that 8oz of formula had cancelled out all the benefits of breastfeeding.

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Self-centred rant alert - feel free to skip

:grouphug:

SugarSpun wrote: »

We do the best we can in our own circumstances and so long as we're doing that everyone second guessing us can jog on.

Exactly. And everyone has different cirsumstances which we don't always know about too.

feelinggood_2

SusanC wrote: »

Perhaps it is assumed that you would just ask at the regular drop in clinics?

That is what I meant, I don't have any issues with help being given, I just wouldn't want it to encroach on a breastfeeding support group where women might feel embarrassed or ashamed. I know I'm a lot more comfortable feeding in front of women who are breastfeeding, or have breastfed.