Probs with my other half :(

wanttogetwed

frannyann wrote: »

Point out that you don't fancy marrying another kid as you have two already! Shape up or ship out time, methinks!

PS this made me smile

Taadaa

Its hard to comment on this because we are all strangers to each other really, and you can't make a decision based on what we, the strangers, say. But your mum is right, £1000 is nothing compared to the hassle and heartache of a failed marriage. I should know, this is husband no2 for me, and I knew the first time was all wrong. I went along with it though because I wasn't brave enough to put a stop to it.

It does seem very selfish the way he is acting though, esp as he knows he is upsetting you but continues to do it.

shellsuit

wanttogetwed wrote: »

He's still not home says he knows I'll be mad with him. Having serious 2nd thoughts know my mum and his mum have said the same thing. My mum says that although we have over £1000 non refundable deposits paid do I really want to be getting divorced in the next year?
He phoned to moan at me coz I'd spoke to his mum so I take it him and his friend are sitting drinking. Meanwhile my oldest son (5) is upstairs sobbing because he knows I am upset.
Maybe we should just leave things the way they are???

I used to do the exact same thing ~ when I was a teenager!!

This is a man, a husband to be and a Father and he is acting like a child still at school.

So he knows you will be mad with him when he gets home, so what does he think staying out even longer will do?

Sounds like a selfish pig to me, why is he only thinking about himself, what about you and the kids?! :mad:

Sod the money you would lose if you cancel the wedding, it will be worth it not to do the wrong thing and be stuck and want a divorce.

If he wants to play the single man, I'd show him the door and tell him he is more than welcome to, because it's not fair playing with yours and the kids emotions.

Maybe show him this thread, so he can see that it's not just you being a moaning minnie and that there are others who think he should buck his ideas up. xx

zzzLazyDaisy

(((hugs)))

Couldn't just read and run.

Your Mum is right - the non-refundable deposits are nothing compared to the years of heartache you and your kids could suffer if you make a mistake.

Only you know if he is truly 'the one' for you. If he isn't, getting married for security/the kids/in the hope he will settle down/some other reason isn't going to work, you will just be papering over the cracks.

One thing I would say is that in my experience (and I am sure others will tell you the same) once a couple get married there is a tendency to take each other for granted and not to try quite so hard to please the other person, and romance tends to go out of the window, and it can often be quite hard work being married once the initial shine has worn off. But people adjust and the lucky ones find a deeper more meaningful, more enduring love.

However, if the shine has already work off and he is already treating you like this, it doesn't bode well for when he has a ring on your finger and can relax and please himself a bit more

I'd say don't marry unless you are 110% certain of how you feel about him, and how he feels about you. His own mum is warning you - that must say something. I warned my DiL about my son - she didn't listen, and the marriage lasted 6 months.

'Don't marry someone because you can live with him, but because you can't live without him' So true.

(((((hugs)))))

Aspiring_Writer

wanttogetwed wrote: »

He's still not home says he knows I'll be mad with him. Having serious 2nd thoughts know my mum and his mum have said the same thing. My mum says that although we have over £1000 non refundable deposits paid do I really want to be getting divorced in the next year?
He phoned to moan at me coz I'd spoke to his mum so I take it him and his friend are sitting drinking. Meanwhile my oldest son (5) is upstairs sobbing because he knows I am upset.
Maybe we should just leave things the way they are???

Wanttogetwed, no you dont, not to him anyway or not when he's behaving like this. I am a Man ( there Ive said it!) and I have made some big mistakes in the past r/ship wise, and paid for them and rightly so. If he loves you then he should be working, bringing in money and looking after you properly, no question about it.

Do not leave things as they are, sort it out with him today, either he wants to make it work or he doesnt. Im afraid if you let it go it will just get worse and he will think he can carry on behaving in this way. Do not marry him until he sorts his act and tell him this. Talk to each other, you may not like the truth either of you but its better to find out now believe me.

I wish you luck I really do and I hope you get it sorted out.

pretzelnut

Dont rush into anything.

I have been through 1 messy divorce with a guy not to disimilar from yours.

It took me 9 monhs to get married and 3 years to get divorced and the dicvorce was almost as expensive as the wedding, but a lot more stressful.

I had my niggles before hand but i felt things had gone to far and didnt want to let people down, i got caught up in the whole wedding planning and couldnt see what was right in front of me, my marriage lasted 12 weeks before i booted him out when i was 32 weeks pregnant.

I sooooooooo wish now that i had listened to those niggles, at the time i thought he was perfect but as the wedding got closer the worse he got, almost hit me once, and that was it for me. game over.


I have been with my current partner for almost 3 years we met not long after my baby was born and he is perfect for me and i have no second thoughts about marrying him, but i suppose im older and wise now.

Just think to yourself, is this how you want to live the rest of your life.

wanttogetwed

Thanks everyone, he's home now but he's had a 'hair of the dog'! Can't bare to look at him just now - just feel so angry! Anyway have said that I can not live like this and that he'd better start treating me better, not very sure where my head is just now but I'll see how he is in the morning. He's not like this all the time but when he is it cracks me up !

bouncydog1

Please don't get dragged down any further by this man - he clearly is not ready to commit to you, preferring to live the life of a single bloke with no responsibilities.

Who has made all of the wedding plans - has he been fully involved or have you made the arrangements - be honest. What sort of example is he setting for your son - that it is normal behaviour to allow you to do all of the work while he gets drunk - normal family men don't disappear in the middle of the night.

If you were sure he was the one for you and you were willing to put up with this behaviour and treatment you wouldn't be asking the questions you have asked in your post.

Show him the door - he can still have contact with his children - you will have more respect for yourself and you will manage - both families appear to be supportive of you. It might also be the kick up the backside that he clearly needs and he might grow up.

However in my view, men like this never change they get worse and who bears the brunt of it all - women like you who choose to put up with the behaviour living in hope that tomorrow everything might be different.

I don't mean to be mean or hurtful in my response but you and your children are worth more than this treatment. There are wonderful men out there who would treat you and your children as you deserve to be treated.

Toothfairy4

OP, please don't marry this man before you are absolutely 100% sure he is the one for you and is treating you with the respect that you (as a woman and the mother of his children) deserve. I don't mean to upset you, but are you definately sure he is at this friends house when he says he is? There is no possibility it could be another woman? I could be jumping to the totally wrong conclusions but i doubt many men feel a burning need to go out and see a friend at 3 in the morning, what could be so urgent??:huh:

wanttogetwed

Toothfairy4 wrote: »

OP, please don't marry this man before you are absolutely 100% sure he is the one for you and is treating you with the respect that you (as a woman and the mother of his children) deserve. I don't mean to upset you, but are you definately sure he is at this friends house when he says he is? There is no possibility it could be another woman? I could be jumping to the totally wrong conclusions but i doubt many men feel a burning need to go out and see a friend at 3 in the morning, what could be so urgent??:huh:

Yeah when I called his phone it was his friend that answered. Now he is being even more childish (proberly because I am giving him the silent treatment) he is saying he'll take me to court over our dog believe it or not! Dog is mine end of (he's my dads dogs puppy) anyway! I've explained that I am having major doubts and I have taken my engagement ring off It's hard to have a serious conversation while the kids are awake so I'll wait and see what he has to say when they have gone to bed.