Funeral - family flowers only but...

margaretclare

Person_one wrote: »

I think you were fine to do this. Your mum never knew what her funeral was like and its the ones left behind who have to consider the practicalities. An elderly relative of mine had all sorts of outlandish demands for his funeral but had made no provision to pay for it. Funerals are for the living mourners, not the person who has died and unless there's some major ethical or religious issue I think its fine to do things differently than they might have preferred.

Someone who 'loved flowers and wanted loads at her funeral'? Fat lot of use they were then!

I've never forgotten, years ago my aunt, who was a polio survivor, housebound but busy all her life, saying that she loved flowers but would prefer to have them while she was alive to enjoy them rather than on her grave. I always remembered that. While I lived at home, every week I used to bring her some flowers. Simple ones in season, she didn't want anything OTT, but she did like to be able to look at them while alive.

We went to a funeral last spring and were asked 'where was our wreath'? We said we don't do wreaths, especially not at a cremation, we give to charity instead. That funeral had been for an ex-serviceman so we gave to the Royal Naval Association.

angie_baby

At my mums funeral, they did this too. The money that was left over they gave to me. It was a great help as the funeral compleatly cleared me out. Being 18 and a single mum i used it towards the wake.

Its a good idea if the children are young i think.

*Chattie*

Not something I have heard of before but actually think is a nice idea.

Kandipandi

I think it is a lovely idea, maybe it will be put towards their future or even a holiday to help the poor sould come to terms with what has happened.

lizzie_dripping

When my friend's husband died in his 30s few years ago, we were asked for donations to a trust fund for their children, who were 6 & 3. We had a lovely thank you letter, my friend was very grateful and said that the money will be used carefully.

Losing a wage earner is hard, at least this way I hope there is money for school trips/driving lessons/university in the future.

Tootsiepops

This seems to be happening more & more nowadays, ive been to a few funerals lately were the deceased has had a young family, its better going to them than a florist or a charity, i think so anyhow.

jackieb

When a workmate of my husband died of a heart attack when he was in his 30's, he left a wife and 2 children. His work organised a collection. I think people were glad to give something, and it meant that his wife didn't have to ask for anything either. I don't think his family woud have been destitute though as their work had quite a good death in service policy but it showed they cared about him.

foxy-roxy

I haven't come across this but i definitley think it is the best way to spend, say, £20.
At least the money will help the family in the time they really need it, rather than watch flowers fade away.

bugbabe1970

Last year a colleagues fiance died. She is only 21 so instead of buying flowers we collected money for her and told her to treat herself to a nice haircut, spar day etc when she was feeling up to it. Just something to make her feel better really.

belfastgirl23

On a different note, do you think it's acceptable to offer money to the relatives rather than send flowers? A friend's dad is very ill at the moment and in all likelihood will pass away before summertime. I know my friend is pretty strapped for cash - she has been caring for her dad for a number of years and hasn't been able to work. The funeral will already be paid for via a funeral plan but I know her personal finances are in a bad way. Do you think it would be offensive to just give her some money when the inevitable happens? and how much do you think would sound right?

Sorry to hijack OP but it's something your thread has made me think about ...