Family issues!!

caevans

Hi everyone
This isn't really a big problem, but I would love to hear peoples opinions anyway.
My DH and I had a baby last year, his family are scattered, but most of his family have been to visit to see our wee baby. One sister hadn't visited yet (from USA), but has arrived at the weekend to stay with another sister who lives in London. We knew that she had vague plans to visit us (Scotland), but she didn't confirm when she was coming up.
Today she has phoned to say she is planning on coming up tomorrow night and will leave on Thursday morning. DH told her that as baby goes to bed early it would be a bit pointless and why can she not come up at the weekend? She says that since the sister she is staying with paid for the tickets over from US, then it would be impolite not to spend the weekend with them ! (she is over for 2 weeks in total). She was unwilling to consider any day other than tomorrow....
It has been left that if DH is able to get time off work tomorrow then she will come up, otherwise she won't be coming up. Not because she wants to see him as apparently he laughed because she was sick the last time he saw her!!!! (she started crying on the phone at this point!).
NOW, to my point. I know I have very little patience and have to bite my tongue (alot), but I really believe she is being completely unreasonable. I believe she uses emotional blackmail (learnt off her mother!!!) to get her own way and it drives me MAD!
I also don't know how to react when I see her tomorrow as I am so annoyed by her behaviour
Any advice gratefully received!
Thanks

wifeforlife

I don't understand the issue - she's visiting from the USA, not just London. Now I'm in NI but I understand Scotland is a good journey from London as it is and I can fully understand she want's to see you and your OH aswell as meet your baby, but maybe she doesn't want to spend the whole weekend with you.

Maybe she feels one night is enough for both you and your OH to be civil to her if there are issues involved. Maybe she is uncomfortable around you both aswell and will prefer to spend her holiday home in London having a holiday.

nickyhutch

I don't see what the issue is. If she comes, she comes, if not, then she doesn't. You're not having to change plans either way, are you?

tanith

To me it sounds as though the less time she spends with you the better , you are annoyed with her already.. it hardly seems worth time , effort and cost to come all that way to spend time together when you are all mad with each other... if it were me I wouldn't be encouraging her to come at all.. which seems a shame...

fsdss

sorry if i come across a bit harse, but at least she made plans to visit - might not be to your liking but i dont think its unreasonable at all, considering that she is coming from america, and staying in london. its a long old journey to scotland especially considering the recent weather.

its her choice of how she spends her holiday.

Abbafan1972

yeah no disrespect, but I can't see what the issue is either. None of my family ever bother to visit, so think yourself lucky she's even mentioned visiting you at all.

If she turns up, grin and bear it. If she doesn't then just stuff her and move on.

SugarSpun

The journey from London to Scotland is probably eating two days of her holiday as it is - I'd just relax and enjoy her visit and let her spend the hour or two in the morning with the baby after catching up with the two of you in the evening. Simples.

chesky369

The other sister has paid for the ticket, so she probably feels she has to fit in with any plans she has made for the visit (theatre, etc.) So she's probably not her own agent - she may feel caught in the middle.

Yes, keep your tongue bitten and be nice to her when she travels all the way to see you.

belfastgirl23

It is a little bit thoughtless on her part but some people just are a bit like this and can't really think into the future so their plans are all made on the wing. My own DB is very like this and when he visits I tend to end up 'holding' a weekend till he makes his mind up what he's doing. He's my brother and I want to see him so I'm happy to do it.

I'd say give her a bit of a break on it as well...

caevans

Hi
thanks for the responses.
We live 1 hr flight from London - not that far is it really?!! She is willing to fly as she is planning on coming tomorrow - my complaint is that she is refusing to come up on Saturday
We only wanted her to come up for one night anyhow - say the Saturday night. By her coming up midweek and with little notice, my husband has to see if he can get time off work and I will need to cancel my plans for tomorrow afternoon too.
She is spending almost 2 weeks with her sister and family including last weekend. Maybe I am too accomodating when I visit people, but I would always make sure I fitted in with the hosts plans rather than making my own.....
thanks!
p.s. am a bit shocked that anyone would think getting from London to Scotland would take a day or more!!!!!!

smartpicture

Can't see the problem, sorry. It's always tough to fit everyone in on family visits, and travelling to Scotland will take a significant chunk out of her holiday - not just flight time, but checking in a couple of hours before and travelling at both ends. As for your baby, I realise that he/she is the centre of your world, and rightly so, but not everyone else is going to feel the same!

The more important thing is that she gets to spend some quality time with her brother - which won't happen if you're scowling over his shoulder! Surely you can bite your tongue and be nice for the short time she's there, for the sake of good family relations? If you don't like her, fine, you're hardly ever going to have to see her if she lives in America. But if your husband wants to spend whatever time is available with her, then please don't spoil it for him.