elderly relative putting herself at risk...

ClootiesMum

What really worries me is that I am relatively well clued up, (I have worked in the social care sector, and the NHS, though I have no experience in geriatric/older peoples services) articulate, and generally able to seek out advice and advocate - and yet, again and again, when it comes to seeking out help for people, either in my professional or personal life, I find there is a series of almost insurmountable barriers to getting them the help they need.

How old people (or anyone vulnerable) cope without someone fighting their corner really worries me...

And as for thids - you're so right. I had to disconnect the battery to Mum's car & call the police on her to tell her she wasn't allowed to drive (her dementia was really bad) as I had spent over 6 months trying to get her licence revoked through DVLA & GP - but no-one would listen. Talk about breaking my heart....

monkeyspanner

We had similar problems with my MIL and Social Services. Eventually my wife wrote to Social Services making a formal complaint and stating that if any harm came to her mother the contents of the letter and previous correspondence would be made public. The SS's response was that the social worker then refused to respond to any phone calls and my wife was labelled agressive.

As some have said this attitude is not universal amongst SS staff, many are helpful and open. However the attitude of some and the way cases are handled is negligent. None of the litany of mistakes and scandals involving Social Services departments surprise me.

I am afraid it will normally take a crisis for SS to take your concerns seriously. In our cases it was a collapse and hospitalisation which my MIL never really recovered from.

Sorry I can't be more positive.

UKTigerlily

I too would contact MIND, also the local fire safety officer who should be happy to come round to reassure her & check everything's safe (Which may or may not help!). Also what are her neighbours like? Maybe if she has any that are home they'd be willing to nip round once or twice a day to check on her under some 'excuse'?

foreign_correspondent

UKTigerlily wrote: »

I too would contact MIND, also the local fire safety officer who should be happy to come round to reassure her & check everything's safe (Which may or may not help!). Also what are her neighbours like? Maybe if she has any that are home they'd be willing to nip round once or twice a day to check on her under some 'excuse'?

your idea of getting people in authority to tell her things is a good one - she takes more notice of people who she believes to be 'important' or official than she does her family.

Getting the neighbours involved is a no, unfortunately, as she believes they come round and bang on her windows in the night, shout through the doors etc.. at first, we wondered if they were particularly noisy, but gradually it has become clear that this is actually delusional - but very real to her.

Luckily she has agreed to go into short term respite care, so this will give us chance to try and address some of the problems, and to try and make her home safer for her return.

Ideally, if we could make her home safer, and get her to accept more frequent home help visits, and meals on wheels she could be quite comfortable at home, but this pre-occupation with switching the heating off really does put her life at risk despite what services we can get put in place for her.

foreign_correspondent

ClootiesMum wrote: »

We were offered a new style one of these pendant alarms that will go off automatically if the angle implies a fall has taken place & is not rectified. Mum never got one (she wasn't around for long enough) but it might be worth investigating this through the community alarm scheme that supplies her alarm at present.

I will call them and ask - I dont think they offer this locally though - but it sounds like such a good idea - I am sorry to hear about your mum x

ClootiesMum

Thanks FC

The fact that she is going into respite might be a bonus - can you push to have the respite people assess her when she's in as her symptoms might get worse as she feels disorientated (I know it sounds harsh, but if makes someone listen then it will be worth it).

Also - she might actually enjoy the respite care, especially if they have outings & the like (although she'll probably never admit it....) but a diagnosis would still help - if I remember rightly then home fees for medical issues are paid but for social problems are not paid - but please don't quote me on this but it would be worth looking into.

foreign_correspondent

ClootiesMum wrote: »

a diagnosis would still help - if I remember rightly then home fees for medical issues are paid but for social problems are not paid - but please don't quote me on this but it would be worth looking into.

Yes, I have been looking into it, and it appears that way - actually, I am beginning to wonder if that is why we have not been given a diagnosis - her behaviour and thoughts are not those of a normal, rational person and I think that knowing what we are dealing with would help.

UKTigerlily

FC, something i'm wondering is has she seen a Psychiatrist? The reason I ask is that with most adult mental health a GP can't diagnose it must be a Psychiatrist, now I have no idea about the elderly but it's possible only a Psychiatrist could diagnose dementia, if so then i'd be asking the GP for a referal to one asap.

ClootiesMum

Changing the subject slightly - does she lock her doors? Silly thing but we had the local locksmiths put a keysafe outside for access by third parties who had the code. It cost £65 to have installed and was attached to an outside wall so in an emergency someone could get in - we could have given the code over the phone to the police or whoever.....
As I worked 30 min away from Mum's house it gave a bit of peace of mind knowing that access could be gained before a keyholder arrived.

Sadly - I do practical very well - needs must & all that

foreign_correspondent

ClootiesMum - I have just had her door lock changed, as although people had spare keys, she insisted on leaving her key in the lock, which meant no-one could gain access, and the police had to break in... I have had her old lock replaced with a lock that locks with a knob on the inside and has no key hole inside so she cannot do this!

Tigerlily - she hasnt seen a psychiatrist, but has seen psychiatric nurses (both specialist nurse and a CPN) for assessment - the problem appears to be that she is adamant she does not have a problem, and they are happy to accept that...