what happens to my fiancee's son if she dies?

teeni

MrsAnnie wrote: »

My brother went through the exact thing, except he was once married to the biological mum (not sure if this makes a difference) but legally they were advised that the only sure fire way to ensure his present wife (stepmum and main carer for most of daughters life) remained his daughter's carer etc if anything happened to him, was for stepmum to adopt his daughter. Which eventually she did, after a long process which invovled consent from biomum and support from ALL the family on each side. Even I had to give my thoughts on the adoption to the case worker.

teeni wrote: »

You can apply for a parental responsibility order which would give you the same rights as bioloical father. as things stand bioloical father could simply arrive and take the child away.

QUOTE]

Not sure if this is actually correct. You would need to consult a solicitor to clarify the law regarding this.

Not wanting to put a damper on your very ggod intentions (which are admirable), but even though wishes can be written in a will, the law will always prevail. What does the biological father think of this proposal? Because I would bet the law will be on his side, unless given very good reason otherwise.

Hope the situation never arises!

my experience of this is 20 years old when i remarried in late 80s and went onto have 2 more children with my second husband i got paronoid about my ex just taking the older children should i die. Got legal advice at the tiem and was advised that adoption was a very difficult route and toapply for a parental responsibility order for new hubby to give him similar rights as ex if i died. Never actually went down that route though as we adopted them ( it was a very difficult process as the solicitor had promised, made easier as ex saidhe had never wanted kids anyway) but gave the whole family the peace of mind we wanted

Fully appreciate that things may have changed considerably in the intervening years and a visit to a solicitor would be a must

daska

Assuming the father has PR, which seems likely, you'd need his permission to adopt or to get PR yourself in addition to his parents (not all solicitors are aware that this is possible). If he refused permission you could apply to the courts for PR but there's no guarantee you'd be successful. As I understand it you can put an expression of wish in a will but it's not legally binding - she would need to see a good will-writer to get it as watertight as possible, however, if you advise them that you are hoping to marry they should be able to advise what, if any, changes should be made to the will as a result.

In the short term, a formal letter from your fiancee giving you the authority to act on her behalf, effectively granting you PR where school, health etc are concerned is probably a good thing. But it's worth noting that you don't need PR to deal with a school except for the initial application/enrolment. After that the school is obliged to treat all parents equally regardless of PR

zzzLazyDaisy

MrsAnnie wrote: »

This just gives the courts an understanding of why the will is written the was it has been i.e. why you are leaving say £xxxxxx to John Doe, which at the time of writing was not a husband yet, but was intended to be. IYSWIM

It was my understanding that you still have to rewrite the the will after marriage has taken place. .

No that is not the case. A will stated to be 'in anticipation of marriage' remains valid after the marriage.

OP you need to see a solicitor. You both need proper wills drawing up, and your OH needs to appoint you as testamentary guardian in her will. You also need to apply for a 'parental responsibility order' which gives you parental rights.

McKneff

Please remember, that you cannot will your children to anyone else, You can make you wishes known but if there is a dispute then a court would decide where a child would live and who with.

wise_fool

thorsoak wrote: »

You can actually make a will "in anticipation of a marriage to XX" - but if I recall correctly, the marriage has to take place within six months of the date the will was attested.

That is incorrect - there is no time limit. The only proviso is that the person actually marries the person named in the will and not somebody else.

Also the mother's will should appoint guardians - whether or not the ex challenges it would be up to him, but the mother's wishes should be laid down.

OP, if you want any part of your estate to go to your step-son you need to make a will otherwise he is not automatically entitled to anthing unless you adopt him.

property.advert

alleycat` wrote: »

I assume you could adopt your step son when you get married?
I'm not sure if the biological father has to consent or not?
That would take care of most of the concerns as the name, responsibilities, etc would transfer to you.

I like this approach. It provides a date ion time and a very valid reason for doing things. Nicely deals all the edges and whether together for only 1 year or not, the OP has a child with this lady and unless he is going to be no better than the other kid's dad, he'll want to take on the responsibility.

All the best.

Dilfred

property.advert wrote: »

I like this approach. It provides a date ion time and a very valid reason for doing things. Nicely deals all the edges and whether together for only 1 year or not, the OP has a child with this lady and unless he is going to be no better than the other kid's dad, he'll want to take on the responsibility.

All the best.

I have no intention of doing what my child's natural father did, to him or my OH. It is disgrasful in my opinion.
I cannot adopt yet as there are loopholes in the system that do not allow adoption early in a relationship (I think I have to father him for around 4years before they even consider) anyway, as I stated in an earlier post, I don't want to adopt until my son understands the meaning mentally of being adopted and the connection physically and mentally it could place with respect to his natural father. He may not want to forget/dismiss his father when older and I am not going to stop him or prevent him from finding out, just be there for him no matter what. IF then he decides HE wants to be adopted and can make that mature decision, then fine, go for it.

Following everyone's advice the answer seems to be get a solicitor and go from there, next stop is finding one in Leamington Spa. Never done this before, so no idea what makes a good/bad one and how much it'll all cost.
But as said before, it is required not just for my fiancee, but also for me, as currently my step son to be would not inherit anything by default, even though my nearly born baby would. That is not right or fair and not what I want, so I need to sort that aswell.
I suppose I better start thinking about how to split things up, who wants what etc. or just make a will that says make it so haha. Goodness, scared now thinking about pensions, house, my junk in the garage, shares, savings (or lack of...) etc.

Diane1961_2

I'd go with the letter of intent from your fiancee and then see a solicitor and approach the court for parental responsbility. I have 3 relationships, 3 children, 3 stepchildren (plus another 5 who never lived with us), there are 3 parents who didn't pay towards their children's upkeep and none of them shouldered their responsibilities. We had to go down the legal route for one child whose mother suddenly decided that she could come and take the child and we found that OH had no legal rights so we got that through the local courts. It was all empty threats anyway, if they wanted to parent they would have crawled over hot coals to be with their children - I would. I kept my ex's name for a while because all of the children had that surname. Another child decided to change her name quite young so we by deed poll. Keep it simple, at the end of the day it is a diminishing need, as soon as they are old enough to have an opinion, they will always be consulted. We now have 7 grandchildren and no-one stops to check who is biologically connected to who - it's just our family. Best wishes
(most solicitors will give you an hour free)

doelani

As already mentioned parental responsibility my be the way to go.

I had been with my current husband about 4 years when we got married and then he applied for PR thorugh a residence order. My ex had not seen the kids in about 5 yeras although he did pay maintainance through CSA. No choice as deduction of earnings.

Obviously becuase my ex had parental responsibilty his permission had to be sought for my current husbnad to get PR. He ignored the letters from solicitor so when it went to court the judge awarded it without his permission as he said basically he could see that my children where ina steady home, we had married and shown commitment and it was obvious my ex did not care as he could not be botherd to even answer letter to say he objected lol

My ex did not lose his PR just my new husband gained it so teh children has 3 with legal respoinsibility. This was invaluable a few yeras later when I was in hospiatal for 5 months and my current husband had the rights to deal with doctors, school etc

My kids where taangers when we did this, I think my ex would have given permission for adoption as it would have ment he would not have to pay any more CSA but we did not even suggest it as no matter what he did he is still their dad.

This is not only about in the event of a death remember, if the child gets sick and mother not available only somone with PR can legally give permission for treatment etc

webitha

SandC wrote: »

I know for sure that you cannot just adopt because you marry his mother - the father has to give consent for this.

but what if the father has not been seen for 8 years, nor pays maintenance, not for the want of trying to find him, it is thought that he could be in oz.
so if there is no father to ask permission, could the adoption still take place?