Help and advice arranging a funeral

RAS

The vicar who did our history was a gem.

She asked for the names of all those likely to attend and their relationships. She wove those tiny stories into the life history. When i saw her draft, I was very impressed. Each person there thought that the "speech" was incredibly well-informed and personal, not like other funerals.

nearlyrich

If you have a TK Maxx near you they have some lovely journal type books that would make a lovely book of condolance, I am sure other places have them too just thinking of where I have seen them recently. Sorry about your loss it's a hard thing to organise a funeral but I am sure your mum will be very grateful to you for taking away the stress at this very hard time.

alwaysamum

As a parish priest (vicar) who regularly takes funeral services, I would like to echo David's remarks about family contributions. That is what truly makes a funeral personal and memorable. Most vicars will take information given to them and work on it to provide a fitting service for your stepfather. When putting together the tribute - or eulogy - I feel it is very important to include humour - and also any quirks and foibles. All part of remembering the whole of someone you love.

The vicar may well ask some questions which prompt you to add things. I feel this sort of conversation is very important, especially if I haven't known the person. It helps me to take a more personal service. Likewise I always appreciate the family showing me photographs or perhaps something that the person has made.

There are books of poems and readings and also internet sites. Again the vicar will have suggestions. It isn't necessary to have a service sheet. And yes, sometimes if it is a small funeral I do produce a service sheet for a family, but more usually that is either done by the family or by a local printer arranged by the funeral director.

I hope all goes well.

lisae03

I am due to meet with the Vicar along with my Step Dads Mum on Thursday so hopefully things will come together then. We really hope to add humour to it but theres alot his mother didn't know and I don't want to offend! I'm going to have a go at writing something before then. He came into my life when I was 8 and we have known him 19/20 years which still leaves his life of 40 years beforehand but hopefully they'll come up with something for that. I tried to write a poem but couldn't get past the first line!

Nearlyrich that is spot on. I have found it quite draining but I am just happy that I can do this for my Mum and make things a little easier. I have a T K Max up the road so I will be popping in today or tomorrow, failing that I'll pop to town.

Well its snowed again overnight, if we get anymore snow I will cry! They were due to collect his body from Somerset on Monday then Tuesday which were both cancelled due to the weather, they are supposed to collect today but who knows with this weather. Getting worried now as his mother is meant to be seeing him in the chapel of rest (I have now decided against this) and the funeral is on Tuesday.

pelirocco

lisae03 wrote: »

I've not long got back and things are alot clearer now.

Nar you are right the shortfall is estimated to be £1000. His mother seems to have some money but when my mum mentioned she was short she was not very forthcoming although she is 'lending' my mum the up front costs. Mum has made them aware that there is no pension to cover it and the brother and sister haven't offered anything.

We did consider having the wake at my house but I live in a small two up and two down and ruled it out as its just to stressful. Its goning to be a full house as we have to sqeeze them in for sleeping arrangements as it is. I've found a room which is free in a social club so we're going to go with that, he loved nothing better than being in the pub!

They were married and living together. I didn't mean to say buried he is definately being cremated.

We talked about flowers today but its just so expensive, I really wanted to have 'grandad' flowers from my children (3 and 8) as well as the 'dad' ones we are going to have but they come in at over £200. I went all MSE and looked at artificial flowers but the funeral guy seemed taken aback and I felt tight!

You can buy the letters complete with oasis off the internet , my son bought one for his nan and filled it with flowers , i think it cost about £50 in all

lisae03

Just a quick update. We held the funeral on Tuesday and it went well. It was a nice send off and his family were more than happy with the end result despite a few problems we had along the way. The condolance book went down well to so thanks for the idea, Mum has a nice keepsake.

Thanks everyone x

davidbaa68

Dear Lisa,

So glad to hear the funeral went well, I imagine your stepdad would be very proud of how you handled everything.

Take care and best wishes.

David.