Help and advice arranging a funeral

lisae03

My step dad passed away on 1st January. I am in the process of arranging the funeral. What makes it so difficult is the fact that my Mum (his wife) lives in Somerset and he is to be buried in the Midands where they are from. My poor Mum has no other family down there other than my 18 Year old brother (his son) and my very dependant autistic brother who also has mobility problems. It is obviously difficult for her to get to and from so she is just coming the day before the funeral and going home the day after.


I've booked and arranged the funeral for the 19th and I am due to go to the Funeral directors today to sort details. I plan to run everything by my mum but I don't want to push her. My step dad also has a brother, sister and his elderly mother who live nearby who my mum wishes to involve to a certain extent. I just feel so awkward about it and wonder if it is normal for the children to arrange it. I've made a booby already in telling the funeral directors that we would not be wanting to see the body (based this on my mums reaction in the morge, she no longer feels it is him). It was done indirectly and I have only just realised that when they asked me if we would be seeing the body they did not price for embalming which is necessary to preserve?

Mum is struggling to fund it as we found out the other day that his pension will not go to mum because he ticked the wrong box on the form. She is aplying for a bereavement grantand funeral payment but theres no guarantee she will get the 2nd one so I am worried about additional costs.

The plan is -

Church service in his home town followed by a cremation. I need to book a room but can't really afford food. Is food expected at a wake? I've never had to deal with anyhting like this and just want to make everything just right. What special touches can I make ? I thought about a large picture blown up but what else?

I am crying whilst I write this. I am getting married in May and he was due to give me away. I feel so sad but know this is something I have to do, it just feels so daunting

farmerboy

For a start, the funeral costs and wake costs come out of the deceased's estate. You mention a pension, would that have enough funds to cover it?

These are also the only things that can be paid out of a deceased's bank account. If you have one, speak to the solicitor dealing with the will.

lisae03

Thank you. Unfortunately he had no will as he didn't have anything to leave. Theres no astate as they rent the house. He always believedthat his funeral would be covered by his small pension which was £3000 - £5000. They was getting annual payments of £400 odd pounds. We were informed that as he has now died his pension is zilch.

MrsE_2

lisae03 wrote: »

Thank you. Unfortunately he had no will as he didn't have anything to leave. Theres no astate as they rent the house. He always believedthat his funeral would be covered by his small pension which was £3000 - £5000. They was getting annual payments of £400 odd pounds. We were informed that as he has now died his pension is zilch.

Don't the DSS offer money towards it if the family need it?
Have you looked into that?
My condolences

lisae03

Just read my message back, full of mistakes. Not usually so bad!

My mum is in the process of applying for £2000 Bereavement Grant which she has been told she will definately get and she may get a Funeral payment from the social fund. Her circumstances are dyer, she is on income support and can't work as she is a carer to my autistic brother. She has no savings and basically lives week to week.

NAR

Sorry to hear about your loss and the position you have found yourself in. By the sounds of things you are doing very well so far.
As for the financial shortfall, could his family (brother and sister) not be asked if they are willing/able to make a contribution in the circumstances.
By the sound of things the shortfall will be less than £1k.

getcarter

I'm fairly sure that the funeral parlour people request money in advance - too many people skipping out of paying.

The funeral for my dad was about £3,000 and was fairly basic without extra cars etc.

Food can be done fairly cheaply, just a big buffet.

Maybe a book for people to record something in about your dad? might be a nice keepsake.

I got a nice photo of my dad at my wedding many moon ago to put on the front of the leaflet/order of service and found some nice song/hymns to sing/play.

If I can help at all please PM me!

belfastgirl23

I think you do need to talk to his family to see whether they want to be involved and to explain why you will have to do things as cheaply as possible - then they can either offer to help or will understand why eg there might not be cars. I also think you need to make it clear to the funeral directors that you cannot afford any trimmings at all and ask them to run past you any expenses that are not absolutely necessary. Food is a nice gesture but if you're in tough financial circumstances you don't have to do this.

It can feel overwhelming but you'll find the funeral directors can be very helpful in taking you through things. Just be absolutely clear that there is not much money to spare and tell them of your mum's situation, hopefully they'll be sympathetic.

Good luck. It's a horrible thing to do alone - do you have anyone (even friend) who could come along for support?

RAS

Hi

If he is from the Midlands and has family there, would members be prepared to put together the bones of a buffet at one of their houses? Used to be the standard procedure rather renting a room. There may be an old family friend or two who would help.

Basic home made sarnies and tea and coffee would suffice.

Mojisola

So sorry for your situation. Good for you for taking it on.

You don't need to provide food and drink for after the funeral. I've been to funerals where it's been announced that the family are going to a local pub and then it's up to people to buy what they want when they get there.

If you are arranging the funeral, make sure it's all done in your Mum's name otherwise she won't be able to get the grant. If it's in your name, you will be expected to pay for it!

McKneff

Sorry for your loss,

Presumably your mother and father did not live together, were they divorced or not.

It can make a difference to grants.